Patience is a Virtue

Patience—The ability to wait for something without getting angry or upset is a valuable quality in a person; the ability to wait calmly; the capacity to accept delay without getting angry.

Virtue—a quality or trait that most people consider to be morally good or desirable in a person

Quick Quiz:¬† “Patience is a Virtue” suggests that getting angry when you have to wait is:

  1. a good personal trait
  2. a bad personal trait
  3. a sign of patience

For the record when I first came into SA in 1995 one of the first things that I became resentful at was “TIME LIMITS” on shares.

Generally speaking at 90% or more of AA meetings there is no time limit on a shares.¬† How do you put a time limit on the “Language of the Heart” by setting restrictions, parameters and stipulations? Time Limits have their ADVANTAGES, don’t get me wrong.¬† However, it has been my experience it creates controversy, contention and aggravates patience!!!

I would add, once you establish a time limit, then you need a time keeper.  however, that responsibility is much greater than one person.  then the entire meeting and group takes on a DIFFERENT atmosphere.

Thus, in addition to the secretary and/or ONE time keeper, you end up having 3, 4, 5 and perhaps 20 or more time keepers.   Then, the call EXPECTATIONS become more focused on HOW LONG you talk instead of WHAT you talk about.

Quantity vs. Quality

This is a chronic problem with Sexaholics Anonymous because we are almost forced to share our sobriety date during introductions.¬† Similarly, it’s a CONTEST of “Length of Sobriety” vs. Quality of Sobriety.¬† Shame because you don’t have enough time or that nobody is willing to listen long enough to get to the truth.¬† Sad.

What are your thoughts on time limits?

Website Project Updates

This website gets updated on average every day.  To keep-up-date, please Join our Mailing List => http://eepurl.com/o4GBX

Daily Meetings (7 days per week): 10
Individual Meetings (1-6 days per week): 12
Skype Meetings: 11
Women Only Meetings: 2
Total: over 101 meetings per week and growing


Additional references:


 

Attention Developers

  1. Time zone chart
  2. Manual configurationdevelopers-logo
  3. Import into iPhone or Android
  4. Geo location strategy
  5. Automatic Alerts
  6. Text message reminders

Meetings are coded based on the following criteria:  (Start day/date in January thru December)

  • Recurs Never
  • Recurs Yearly ‚Äď 365 Times per year (daily)Globe Icon: WordPress
  • Recurs Weekly ‚Äď 52 Times per year (weekly)

WordPress started in 2003 with a single bit of code to enhance the typography of everyday writing and with fewer users than you can count on your fingers and toes. Since then it has grown to be the largest self-hosted blogging tool in the world, used on millions of sites and seen by tens of millions of people every day.

Everything you see on this website, would not be possible without the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous community. WordPress is an Open Source project, which means there are hundreds of people all over the world working on it. However, we need members to get involved as well, to make this site our own.

The Google Calendar API lets you develop client applications that create new events, edit or delete existing events, and search for events. We need people who have experience coding in various programming languages (currently Java, Python, PHP, .NET and Ruby).  We have developed our site to display Calendar data that has evolved over the past 7 years, and synchronize online giving the best user experience and a state-of-the-art platform on your desktop, laptop and even your smartphone (iPhone, Android, etc.).

New Beginnings

The way we see SAPhoneMeeting.org…

Saphonemeeting.org was designed by SA members to serve the needs of the members who are unable to attend face to face meetings. Our contention is that the site has evolved to be a much better resource than the flyer that is currently on the SA.org website. We formed our committee to call attention to the potential of the site and to suggest a forward direction.

The following Website Advisory Committee (WAC) members agree with the aforementioned statement, research and findings. Bill R., Rob S., Steve G., Kelvin P., Len & Brooks S.

Background. SAphonemeeting.org launched in 2009 to meet the immediate needs of some of the phone meetings. It published the available meetings times, phone numbers, access codes, scripts and group rosters. Based on the positive feedback and requests from members, the designer spent hundreds of hours to create a framework where the entire community can make electronic donations to sa, share blogs, news, and links to additional resources. As we shall show, this website compares favorably to the SA phone flyer in terms of useful functionality, presentation, and almost any other reasonable measure.

Personalities before principles. In the last few years, the designer of Saphonemeeting.org turned to SA to ask for help and support to keep the website strong. He has consistently sought out members to serve as committee to provide guidance and oversight to the site. The SA office referred the matter to the Virtual Intergroup (VIG) that had formed to represent the growing number of phone meetings. Personality differences arose when discussing the transfer of the site to SA. VIG members questioned the advisability of having a dynamic site when so many members have not found the Internet to be a safe place. Other issues concerned matters about how to handle anonymity, conference approved material, individual opinion, and financial accountability. VIG members even went so far as to question the motivations and financial propriety of the site. All these matters were worthy of discussion, but for whatever reason, strong personal feelings surfaced and the VIG and saphonemeeting.org divided into two acrimonious camps.

Our committee has formed to provide a series of recommendations to overcome a toxic situation that has developed. It is time that SA welcomed the contribution of this website and provided the support that is required. We do not want to abandon this vital web site that has become important to the recovery of many members of the community.

Promotion not attraction. The advantages of Saphonemeeting.org over the flyer, the saphonemeeting.org designer sought support at the group level. Some members heard this as promotion not attracting and their pushback proved disruptive and contentious. Strong feelings became open disputes. Addicts behaved like addicts. And the VIG initiated an effort to classify SAphonemeeting.org as an “outside” organization, asking other Intergroups to delist the site and remove links to it. They even went so far as to advocate that SA return any donations made to it from SAphonemeeting.org.

From inside to outside. Our contention is that the SAphonemeeting.org has never been an “outside” organization. It was formed in good faith to serve the members and has faithfully done so ever since. See Saphonemeeting.org to read more about traffic to the site, survey results of frequent users, and various testimonials from members of the years talking about the pivotal role the site has played in many, many recoveries. All this evidence should be sufficient to dispel the divisive notion that Saphonemeeting.org is an “outside” organization despite the strong feelings of the VIG committee.

Our leaders serve, they do not govern. Further, it’s clear to us that the VIG overstepped its authority in attempting to expel SAphonemeeting.org and to censure its designer.

7th tradition. It is clear to us that we as a fellowship have not yet evolved a reasonable method of collecting 7th tradition donations from the members who depend on digital and phone meetings. This need was addressed with a simple PayPal tool that has collected more than $1300 to cover expense since its inception. Surpluses have been forwarded to SAICO. In the graph below we show an accounting of the funds that have been received, paid the small expenses, and forwarded to SAICO.

We feel that a further step to create an infrastructure where individual meetings, whether phone or chat or forum or skype, can accept 7th tradition micropayments, maintain their own electronic treasuries, and spend their funds as determined by their group conscience. This is the formula that has fueled 12step programs forever. We need to provide the technology to perpetuate.

Such an effort may help pay for expenses to expand and improve the site and to help in SAICO’s work to carry the message.¬† Read more

For example, suppose there are 4000 phone and skype meetings a month, which seems reasonable considering there are dozens of daily meetings. If an average of 8-10 contributed $1 a meeting, 7th tradition funds would approach $40,000 a month, or almost $500,000 over the year.

Where do we go from here?

Amends. It’s clear to us that a cycle of amends is necessary on the part of all players. It is also important to bring a level of sobriety and civility into the matter. We’d suggest a moratorium on VIG’s efforts to censure saphonemeeting.org and to set direction of cooperation, not competition.

Guidance from Other 12 step fellowships.¬†¬† Beyond that, there is a growing need to support members who employ technology in their recovery. This a broader issue than managing the list of phone meetings and instructions on how to use a phone system. Our committee looked to the other 12 step fellowships as a guide. It’s clear that SA is very far behind. ¬†Having a strong digital presence is especially important today because of special stigma attached to our addiction.¬†¬† In contrast to AA, SA, GA, Al-anon, etc., there are very few meetings in mid-sized and small towns around the world. Our phone and digital meetings are therefore key to our world-wide mission. Please examine Exhibit 5 which surveys the current features provided by the others.

The Rush of Technology.  Whether we like it or not, technology is fast becoming the dominant enabler of human interaction, particularly among our young members. Younger members want to connect with each other with text and social media. Phone, email, even web sites are no longer in vogue. In their place are a wide range of tools which young members use to learn, connect, and become inspired. Unfortunately, there is widespread abuse of this technology which is fueling sexual addiction like never before. The static phone meeting flyer, as well as the entire SA.org site, does not speak to the needs of. most people who are struggling with sex addiction.   Worse, soon our fellowship will be facing the challenges of virtual reality-based meetings, life cameras, eye glasses that project digital images, wearable computers, etc. In every case, people are using technology to connect with each other and with a message. The foundation laid today must be adaptable to what is coming without sacrificing our traditions and concepts. Our primary purpose is to carry the message.

Coordination with SAICO’s effort to revitalize worldwide web sites. The recent meeting of the delegates and trustees initiated a committee to look at upgrading SA’s website. We suggest that the committee considers these recommendations works with those of us that would like to see saphonemeeting.org incorporated into the new sites.

The Traditions and Concepts suggest a path to governance. The Traditions and Concepts provide the guidelines that should guide the fellowship to a policies that foster working together for the common good, adaptability, and promote innovation while not compromising our guiding principles. Please look at Exhibit 2 for our thoughts on how the traditions might guide us to meet the technology challenges ahead as well as maneuver out of the difficult personality problems that have arisen between the VIG and SAphonemeeting.org.

EXHIBIT 1. FEATURE COMPARISON OTHER 12 STEP NON FACE TO FACE MEETINGS

wac-exhibit1

 

EXHIBIT 2. KEY QUESTIONS TO BE ANSWERED FROM THE 12 TRADITIONS

  1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon SA unity.

We all trying to survive in a perilous sea depending on each other despite a wide divergence of opinion, backgrounds, and beliefs. Aren’t we chasing a common goal — serving the member who depends on phone meetings? When we have disagreements what is the best way to resolve them?

  1. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority‚ÄĒa loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern..

What exactly is the fine line one crosses when one begins to “govern”? Bill W provides some instructions on this in the 12 and 12: “…no board of dirctions ..can cast an erring member into outer darkness, when indeed no AA can give another a direction and enforce obedience….” pp 132

  1. The only requirement for SA membership is a desire to stop drinking.

How can we embrace the service work of members who desire to stop lusting but struggle with sobriety.?

  1. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or SA as a whole.

Does the Intergroup or Region have authority over individual groups? Having a portal for each individual group would, we think, vastly increase the strength and service structure at the group level.

  1. Each group has but one primary purpose‚ÄĒto carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

In this dynamic digital world where many young members have fully embraced streaming, social media, how should the message be communicated and delivered ?.

  1. An SA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the SA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

How can a web site serving the needs of phone members, become an “outside” organization?

  1. Every SA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

What financial support do the phone meetings require? What is the best and most economical way for phone meeting members to participate in the 7th tradition?

  1. Sexaholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

What are the administrative responsibilities required for the technology that is needed to service virtual meetings?

  1. SA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

How should the digital assets committee working on the overall SA technology be working with the current web sites?

  1. Sexaholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the SA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

When members want to communicate digitally through blogs, chat rooms, and social media, under what conditions should the content be restricted or moderated? By whom? and under what guidelines?

  1. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always to maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.

In a digital world what is the best way to announce the existence of a useful website and its new features and capabilities. Secondly, what guidelines should we follow in collecting and distributing personal content information? .

  1. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

When a member violates this tradition in face to face meetings, one can raise a hand or exercise some body language? What is the digital equivalent?

Additional Resources

Governance Model (version 4)

About Us

History

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Protected: Website Committee

Virtual Intergroup

http://saphonemeeting.org/joomla

 

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem

‚ÄúSuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem‚ÄĚ might strike someone who is not suicidal as a clever statement, and it might be a helpful thing to hear from the point of view of someone who already believes (or is likely to be convinced) that his or her problem is temporary. But the audience for this anti-suicide ditty is, of course, people who are suicidal (read more).

 

 

God’s Blessings

boy_prayChildren are God’s little blessings.

I was just talking to a friend of mine in Utah.  He is a single Dad with two kids Рdaughter and son, just like me.

I told him, I have lots of friends in Sexaholics Anonymous that fall into one of the following categories:

  1. Single, never married, no children
  2. Single, divorced, no children
  3. Married, no children
  4. Single, adult children (over age 18)
  5. Married, adult children (over age 18)

I am married going on 14 years and have a 11 year old daughter and a 9 year old son.  Both of them have NEVER seen me drink or get high.  I used to be an terrible addict and ODAAT I am getting better, thanks to SA.  Incidentally, my AA sobriety date is 11/7/96.

So, what’s the point?

The point is this.¬† It is very hard talking to people sometimes who don’t have young children because I don’t think they understand how DIFFICULT life can be raising them.¬† Even if their children are grown up, they probably are forgot or are certainly not feeling nearly the anxiety that I feel on a daily basis.

And to make matters worse, I have been really struggling in my career.¬† I had a great job 1-1/2 years ago as¬†a college professor.¬† Unfortunately, I was fired because I could not relate better to the students.¬† Truthfully, I think I may have been too strict on them because I was punishing them for the mistakes I made as an undergraduate student and wanted to teach them a VALUABLE lesson.¬† Study hard.¬† Don’t take education for granted.

Accepting Success or Failure?

“How shall we come to terms with seeming failure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness, loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity? Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied us?” (AA Daily Reflections 12/26)


Today’s meditation brings up several thoughts today:

  1. Xmas Presents.
  2. New Year’s resolutions.¬†Six days left in 2015.
  3. Promises & Regret
  4. 3rd & 7th Step Prayers

No one can go back in time to change what has happened, so work on your present to make yourself a wonderful future.   Read more


devils_advocateDevil’s Advocate—a person who expresses a contentious opinion in order to provoke debate or test the strength of the opposing arguments.
“the interviewer will need to play devil’s advocate to put the other side’s case forward”

“Vanity – is defenitely my favourite sin”

Vanity—excessive pride in one’s appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc.; character or quality of being vain; conceit: Failure to be elected was a great blow to his vanity.

Intimacy & Groping

What is “normal / healthy” intimacy?

Thank God for the feedback regarding groping – to search for something by reaching or touching usually with your fingers in an awkward way; to touch (someone) in an unwanted and unexpected sexual way.

“I could see a girl in a bikini on a billboard five years ago and it wouldn’t bother me; now, I go to pieces and lose my mind over it.”
“Lust throws my whole system out of whack. I lose my equilibrium, my control, and have to recover as if from a poison.”¬† SA WB pg. 32

Covenant Eyes
Internet Accountability and Filtering

grope—feel about or search blindly or uncertainly with the hands.
“she got up and groped for her spectacles”

fumble, scrabble, fish, ferret, rummage, feel, search, hunt
“she groped for her glasses”

search mentally with hesitation or uncertainty for (a word or answer).
“she was groping for the words which would express what she thought”

move along with difficulty by feeling objects as one goes.
“she blew out the candle and groped her way to the door”

informal—feel or fondle (someone) for sexual pleasure, especially against their will. “he was accused of groping office girls”.¬† synonyms: fondle, touch.

feminist; plural noun: feminists

a person who supports feminism.

of, relating to, or supporting feminism.
“feminist literature”

What’s in your TOOLKIT today?

Do you have a hammer?  Do you need a hammer? Do you hammer other people?  Are you kind or are you gentle?  Perhaps, you need a rubber mallet.

Regardless, I was told, I must keep my tools nice and sharp.  How about a tool chest?


How I Overcame My Obsession with Lust

“…By letting God do it. Because I couldn’t. But God could and would‚ÄĒand did. But I had to go to meetings to learn things like that… Going to meetings and working the Steps; that’s how I did it. That’s how I learned to let “the grace of God enter to expel the obsession.” Here’s what worked for me:

  1. Stop practicing the compulsion. I stopped acting out sexually in any and all forms, including sex with myself and non-marital relationships. There could be no relief from the obsession of lust while still practicing the acts of lust.
  2. Stop feeding the obsession. This meant eliminating from what was under my control all printed and visual materials and other symbols of my tyranny. I had to stop feeding my lusttool-chest by looking around, in my use of television, movies, and music; and by using and listening to the language of lust.¬†I also had to stop living only and always inside my own head. That’s one of the great fringe benefits of going to a lot of meetings. Most of us sexaholics really live on the inside of our heads; we’re seldom in the real world.
  3. Participate in the fellowship of the program. I don’t know of anyone who can stay sober and free of the obsession of lust without such fellowship. I couldn’t. Fellowship is where the action is, where the magic is, where Connection is, where feeling part of is.¬† At first, all I could do was attend meetings. Then I followed the suggestion of getting involved in the mechanics of meetings: setting up, cleaning up, holding jobs such as literature chairman, treasurer, or secretary. Getting involved made me feel I could be part of, instead of apart from‚ÄĒmy old nemesis. Later, I would be able to go out for coffee, start meeting with others one-on-one, and begin the painful but necessary process of growing up by coming out.” (SA WB pg. 158)

Need more meetings?

Join our http://saphonemeeting.org/twitter.html and send a text message from your phone.

Also, try https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/SAonline/info which was started the when the SA Phone Meetings began.

Want something else?  Try these resources:

http://www.meetingsonline.com

http://stepchat.com

http://www.recovery-world.com/Recovery-World-Chat-Rooms.html

http://www.12steps.org/chatroom.htm

http://www.nachatroom.org