Category Archives: News

Fear

The fear of inadequacy


Smith writes that the first thing people fear is not being skilled enough. But there’s a solution: “Once you admit that you are experiencing the fear of inadequacy, understanding is on its way.”

“When you understand what your important role is in carrying out your pursuits,” he adds, “you will begin to see what you need to do when first stepping out to tackle your fear of inadequacy.”

The fear of uncertainty


The second fear is being afraid of the unknown. But there’s a fix to this holding you back as well, Smith writes. “Anticipating what will happen in the future is a strength that can be developed, and it will help you take the first step when you experience the fear of uncertainty,” he explains.

He adds: “And vision is what will keep you moving forward regardless of your fears. In whatever you do, antic

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/18/the-10-biggest-fears-holding-you-back-from-success.html


Most people bundle their biggest fears into one big scary package of nerves, anxiety and inaction. But what if I told that there wasn’t just one biggest fear, but lots of them? And that each of them can be broken down and solved, with a little bit of practice?

It is likely that fear is the number one thing holding you back from living your best possible life. This article will highlight the most common fears that people have that hold them back and how to overcome them.

Fear of Failure


The fear of failure is one of the most common biggest fear that hold people back from living their best life. In a world that puts successful people on a podium, there can be shame on those who fall short or even worse, try in the first place.

In the wise words of Anthony de Mello:[1]

“When the archer shoots for no particular prize, he has all his skills; when he shoots to win a brass buckle, he is already nervous; when he shoots for a gold prize, he goes blind, sees two targets, and is out of his mind. His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him.”

The fear of failure will hold you back from taking action and make you procrastinate. Don’t let this fear take control of your life. Get rid of your fear of failure, your tensions about succeeding, and you will be yourself. How? Join the free Fast-Track Class – No More Procrastination. You will learn how to get over your fear and start to take action to make things happen. You will be relaxed and at your most able. You wouldn’t drive with your brakes on, and the same goes for life. Join the free class here.

Fear of Success


One of the lesser-known but very common fears that might be holding you back is the fear of success. How can anyone fear success you might ask? Well, success has its own set of problems and fears.

Success can come out of nowhere, and change everything when you aren’t ready. Once you have success and get comfortable with it, it can vanish in an instant. People hold back not just because they are afraid of success, but because they are afraid of getting it and losing it.

The solution is similar to that of the biggest fear of failure – you just have to live your own life and see what comes your way. Both success and failure are inevitable in any worthwhile endeavour, so relax and embrace both of them.

Fear of Loss


Fear of loss is most likely one of the most prominent and powerful fears that is holding you back. The biggest fear of loss often stimulates negative emotions like anger that stop you from being the person you can be.

Think of the last time you were angry and search for the fear behind it. What were you afraid of losing? What were you afraid would be taken from you? That’s where the anger comes from. Think of an angry person, maybe someone you’re afraid of. Can you see how frightened he or she is?

https://www.lifehack.org/864903/biggest-fear


We all have things we fear – snakes and hedgehogs are mine. Most of the time these fears do not impact on our daily lives but if they do then it may be time for some for a short course in behaviour therapy. The top ten phobias include:

Arachnophobia: The fear of spiders. This phobia tends to affect women more than men.

Ophidiophobia: The fear of snakes.

Acrophobia: The fear of heights.


Social Phobia


Also known as social anxiety, this fear involves a broad range of situations in which people are afraid to interact with others because they fear people judging them. It might not seem so, but this fear is widespread, affecting on in five Americans. People with this fear often don’t seek therapy (it would require social contact) and, for this, most don’t overcome it. One researcher wrote that this is the only fear that we are more scared of than our deaths! People that suffer from social anxiety can have difficulty presenting in front of colleagues, speaking in public, going to parties, or just chatting with others. Learn more about social anxiety.

Fear of heights


This fear reaches around 5% of the world’s population. People that suffer from this fear avoid any place high up and can have vertigo or feel the necessity to hold on to something when going upwards, like the handrail when going up stairs, for example. At a theme park, it’s no small feat to get these folks to jump in the cart for a roller coaster ride.

Fear of bugs, snakes or spiders


To broaden this topic, a lot of people suffer from intense fear of some animal. The most common are insects, snakes, and spiders.

Here’s to the Crazy Ones

“We are not bad people, we are sick people trying to get well.  Maybe crazy but not evil!”

Can you identify all the famous celebrities in video above? I’m sure most people recognize Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein.  Click here

Steven Paul Jobs was an American business magnate, industrial designer, investor, and media proprietor. He was the chairman, chief executive officer (CEO), and co-founder of Apple Inc., the chairman and majority shareholder of Pixar, a member of The Walt Disney Company’s board of directors following its acquisition of Pixar, and the founder, chairman, and CEO of NeXT. Jobs is widely recognized as a pioneer of the personal computer revolution of the 1970s and 1980s, along with Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak.

Jobs was born in San Francisco, California, and put up for adoption. He was raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. He attended Reed College in 1972 before dropping out that same year, and traveled through India in 1974 seeking enlightenment and studying Zen Buddhism. His declassified FBI report states that he used marijuana and LSD while he was in college, and once told a reporter that taking LSD was “one of the two or three most important things” he had done in his life. Read more

Notice in the following two photos of Jobs and Amelia Earhart, both in their prime.  Then there is Ghandi, Einstein, etc.

 

 

plato_quote


votingCounting Votes; Voting Results

Majority:

Does Robert mean … the Majority of the entire membership? … the Majority of the members present? … the Majority of the Votes Cast? How should you count the blank votes, the illegal votes, the abstentions

Read more:

http://sa.org/docs/servman2014.pdf

http://www.roberts-rules.com/parl17.htm

http://www.rulesonline.com/rror-08.htm

http://ctb.ku.edu/en/table-of-contents/leadership/group-facilitation/main

http://www.omafra.gov.on.ca/english/rural/facts/05-035.htm#approaches

https://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Meeting_Basics/The_Meeting

 

Zoom Meetings

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS

Join Now: Click Here
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Local Phone Number: Click Here
Read More: Zoom Meetings
Official Schedule: Click Here for ALL of our SA Audio & Video Conference Meetings.

Struggling with the Pandemic? Are you having problems with your regular “Home Group”? Can’t get outside? Quarantined? It’s a great opportunity to connect with members of SA on an entirely different level. ROUTINE is important. By sharing your screen, it feels much more like a normal meeting that you are used to attending in a local church basement. COVID-19: Read more

Unfortunately, due to our society worldwide, the TELECONFERENCE services are getting bogged down with too many callers. Thus, the Free Phone Services that used to be relatively LIMITLESS are now enforcing restrictions that limit the capacity. We are adding new ZOOM meetings daily to keep up with the demand. Download Center: Click Here (select “Zoom Client for Meetings” or “Zoom Mobile Apps” – App Store / Google Play)

Security, Privacy and Anonymity

Click here => Administrator Advanced Features

We’re always striving to deliver you a secure virtual meeting environment. Starting April 5th, we’ve chosen to enable passwords on your meetings and turn on Waiting Rooms by default as additional security enhancements to protect your privacy.

Meeting Passwords Enabled “On”

Going forward, your previously scheduled meetings (including those scheduled via your Personal Meeting ID) will have passwords enabled. If your attendees are joining via a meeting link, there will be no change to their joining experience. For attendees who join meetings by manually entering a Meeting ID, they will need to enter a password to access the meeting.

Virtual Waiting Room Turned on by Default

Going forward, the virtual waiting room feature will be automatically turned on by default. The Waiting Room is just like it sounds: It’s a virtual staging area that prevents people from joining a meeting until the host is ready.

Tell a Friend

Pay it Forward!  Help yourself and more importantly carry your “EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH & HOPE” to the newcomer and/or oldtimer

ODaaT ~ One Day at a Time. 

In some cases, One Hour at a Time! Read More

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Service to Essay

In the past 10-15 years there has been a substantial increase in “Reality TV Shows”.  In particular, a show about folks struggling with weight loss and are trying to diet, exercise and get into better shape.  I was drawn to the “Title of the Show” more than anything when I first tuned in.  

I quickly realized why this is such a powerful metaphor!  Because just like people struggling with Lust or Sex Addiction, people who are overweight and/or have major obesity addiction attend Over Eaters Anonymous.


Mop the Kitchen Floor

When I first joined “12 Step” recovery, there was a guy I met, “Eddie S.” who always used to say at meetings, “Stop complaining — Go home and mop the kitchen floor”.

At the time, I had no idea what he meant.  In fact, I was quite irritated in quickly formed a resentment because I felt it took a lot to just attend meetings.  But what he really was trying to tell me was very simple.

Positive momentum is contagious. When you do something productive, you feel better. 

I even heard a female ‘Old-Timer’ share at an SA International Convention, “iron your socks” when you feel like acting out.  Do something, to take your mind off the compulsion.



Much of the work people do here on SA Phone Mtg website is similar to the newsletter “Essay”. We need your help!  If you would like to volunteer, please send an email to info@saphonemeeting.org

For example, the schedule of teleconference meetings is the #1 purpose of this site.  Next, is the individual scripts and mtg formats. There are many other various reasons why the SA Phone Mtg website acts like a “Virtual Intergroup” but for sake of brevity it is safe to say, people are getting sober and staying sober, so obviously it works. One of the reasons why I personally setup this online vehicle was to help people participate more efficiently on the teleconferences. For example, back in 2009 there was no EASY simple way to read excerpts from the SA literature if they didn’t already have a copy via email. Now, many people can find literature to read and participate! Read more

Getting Started: Step “Zero”

“There is an unwritten step underlying all twelve. Call it Step Zero: “We participated in the fellowship of the program.” No one seems able to stay sober and progress in recovery without it, though some try. For most of us, without associating in some way with other recovering individuals, there is no lasting sobriety and none of the fringe benefits of recovery, growth, freedom, and joy. This holds true even for “loners” (those without groups). We don’t try to explain this; it is simply a fact.

We begin by meeting regularly with other members. If there is no group where we live, we start one ourselves, even if it is meeting with only one other member. Fellowship is that crucial to our recovery. We can’t do it alone. We pray to be led to another sexaholic who will want to hear our story, then we follow all leads that come to our attention. We contact the SA Central Office for any contacts there may be in our area and ask for materials and know-how. (See part III and Appendix 3.) Many groups have started in just such a manner. Long distances may separate members at first; some travel more than a hundred miles to meet with others.

Commit yourself to your group, whether it is being formed or is operating but still small. Attend every meeting on time. This ensures maximum benefit to you and the group, which cannot have continuity without regular participants. The measure of such commitment will be the measure of your recovery.
We also use telephone meetings with two or more members, using the three-way calling feature available in many cities. Some members subscribe to discount long-distance phone service for considerable savings. Speaker phones enable a loner to sit in remotely. We augment this by letter writing and attending other types of Twelve Step meetings, many of which are open to the public. Much benefit can be gained there in learning how to apply the Steps in one’s life and in seeing how meetings are run.

We cannot put this strongly enough: Experience has shown us that we must be part of others or we cannot maintain effective surrender, see ourselves rightly, or work the Steps. Without regular participation in the fellowship, there seems to be no recovery. (SA WB pg. 63-64)


Toxicity

Toxic reactions to alcohol and drug abuse are common knowledge. What we might call the toxicity of lust becomes especially apparent to us in recovery. We become increasingly aware of the poisonous effects of lust on our thinking and behavior. We have heard members say, “I’m allergic to lust,” and we know the person is trying to describe the toxic reaction that occurs whenever he or she takes a visual or fantasy “drink” without even acting out. In sobriety, once we have withdrawn from lust and then let it back in, the toxic effect is felt immediately and strongly. We can tolerate less of it than ever, and it produces a greater disturbance. Our sexaholism doesn’t stand still; it progressively worsens.

“I could see a girl in a bikini on a billboard five years ago and it wouldn’t bother me; now, I go to pieces and lose my mind over it.”

“Lust throws my whole system out of whack. I lose my equilibrium, my control, and have to recover as if from a poison.”

[Note: These and other italicized quotes are from Sexaholics Anonymous members, past and present.]” (SA WB pg. 32)


A VISION FOR YOU

We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you — until then. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 164)


Suscipe Prayer

St. Ignatius of Loyola

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding,
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.

You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.

Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
that is enough for me.

Learn about Saint Ignatius of Loyola
Ignatius’s Journey
Ignatius’s visit to Montserrat was part of an intense and difficult period for him: he was recovering from a battle injury to his leg, and he was struggling to leave behind his privileged and prestigious past as a noble man.

At Montserrat, Ignatius began to live his faith, spending all night in prayer before the statue of the Virgin. He put on simple clothes and gave his expensive clothing to a beggar.

After Ignatius’s visit to Montserrat, he stopped at Manresa, a small town nearby. He planned to spend to spend a few nights writing down his thoughts, but he stayed for 11 months and left profoundly changed. The fruit of Ignatius’s reflections at Manresa became one of the greatest works of Christian spirituality, the Spiritual Exercises.

About Ignatius’s Life (1491–1556)
Saint Ignatius went on a pilgrimage to the shrine of Our Lady of Montserrat in Spain. He left his sword on the altar and exchanged his rich clothes for a beggar’s garment. He lived in the nearby town of Manresa, doing penance. In Manresa, Ignatius experienced the spiritual growth that led him to write the Spiritual Exercises. However, Ignatius decided he needed more schooling, so, in his 30s, he began attending school and studying Latin. Eventually, he went to study in Paris, where he became the leader of a group of seven (including Francis Xavier) who took vows in 1534, an event that marked the beginning of the Society of Jesus.

Meetings How They Work

`As I come into the fellowship, I’m confronted with my disease. First, in my initial contacts with other members; then in meeting after meeting. But there are parts of the disease still hidden in that deep hole inside me, sides of me I never want you to see, and eventually they start festering. So, one by one, I’m forced to get rid of them. The problem is, how do I keep my disease from always running into a dark corner?”

That’s how one member put it in trying to describe something of what happens in meetings. The problem is our blind sides; we all have them. So, the question for us is, How do we work our personal programs and conduct our meetings and fellowship so as to “walk in the light”? Here’s what has been working for us:

  1. By getting sober and staying sober and holding to the concept of sexual sobriety in our SA meetings. Without sobriety we have nothing to offer anyone. SA offers sexual sobriety, progressive victory over lust, and recovery. When this is our aim, meetings can become a sanctuary of serenity and light.
  2. By not imposing uniformity. We don’t prescribe doing the Steps by formula or in exactly the same way some other member does them. We do the Steps in our own way and time; we “Live and Let Live.” But working the Steps does work for us.
  3. By telling the side of our stories we really don’t want to tell. This is different than a mere “sexalog,” relating our sexual experiences. It is rigorous self-searching and self-revealing honesty about every aspect of our lives. We are fitting the pieces of our lives together differently every time we tell our stories or share.
  4. By telling exactly where we are today-where we’re failing today, as well as where we’re succeeding. “I’m as sick as my secrets,” the saying goes. So we reveal our secrets; we bring the inside out. Self-honesty, in humility, yet so powerful. We lead with our weaknesses.
  5. By continually working the principles of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in our lives first, and in our fellowship.
  6. By helping others through identification. When we want to communicate to another member, we speak in terms of “I,” not “we” or “you.” We don’t tell them what’s wrong with them or give advice; we relate what happened to us. When we thus identify with another, it may not only help that person, but often reveals something about ourselves we’ve missed before. We don’t tell; we share.
    “I can tell you what’s wrong with you without identifying, but this keeps me from looking at myself and can be destructive to you. But when I bring it up by identifying through my own experience, it means I’m bringing myself out into the light.”
  7. By taking responsibility for our own recovery. There’s a difference between taking responsibility for our recovery and being in charge of it. When we take responsibility, we’ve stopped saying “Fix me” and are willing to take the actions necessary to get well. We’re willing to take direction and work the Steps. This same attitude is what leads us to tie in to another sober member as helper or sponsor-one who can help us learn how to work the Steps in our daily lives. When we remain “in charge,” however, we’re shutting ourselves off from the light and help of other recovering members.
  8. By leading with our weakness. There is an attractive healing atmosphere in meetings when someone is transparent, naive, “innocent,” and self-revealing at depth. He or she may even be a newcomer, which is often the case and why we need them to help keep us honest. Vulnerable, and like a child, we take the supreme risk of exposing the truth about ourselves, dark as it may be. We lead with our weakness because that’s where we’re hurting, and this becomes the point of our identification with each other, the point of true union. Once this single ray of light shines in a meeting, it finds ready reception and response in the others present. Honesty is catching; we’re learning to walk in the light.
  9. By commitment to the group. SA members commit themselves to SA meetings. We attend every meeting we can. On time. Meetings, on time. Why this emphasis?

When the meeting is handled in a haphazard manner, there’s a feeling of What’s the use? There’s the feeling of being let down, that the secretary, leader, or other members don’t care and are not really a part of. And if there’s no feeling of mutual caring, then I can’t be a part of. How can I become a part of something that’s always shifting around? A feeling of separation and isolation comes into play-deadly for us.

Meetings starting on time and a general orderliness are one of the legacies we’ve gotten from the best of other Twelve Step programs. Instead of “doing our own thing,” which characterizes our self-obsession, we commit ourselves to every meeting and to being on time. No matter what-spouses, jobs, money-we put the group first because we put our own sobriety first. Commitment to sobriety is commitment to the fellowship of sobriety. Read more

(SA White Book pages 185-187)

Personality Disorder

10 Healthy Coping Skills

When you are having an intense emotion, it can be hard to know what to do. Unfortunately, many people with BPD turn to unhealthy behaviors in an attempt to cope with emotional pain (e.g., sex addiction, obsessive pornography, self-harm, substance use, or aggression). Want to replace unhealthy habits with new, healthier skills? Try some of the coping skills listed below.

1. Play Music

Play music that creates an emotion that is the opposite of the one you are struggling with. For example, if you are feeling very sad, play happy, upbeat music. If you are feeling anxious, play slow, relaxing music.

2. Do Something

Engage in a highly engaging activity. Television or computer activities do not count here — these are too passive. Instead, take a walk, dance, clean your house, or do some other activity that gets you engaged and distracts you from your current emotions.

3. Call Someone

Reaching out to others can really help when you are struggling with strong emotions. Call a supportive friend or family member. If you don’t have someone in mind that is supportive, call a helpline (for example, in the U.S. you can call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK).

4. Pray

Are you a religious or spiritual person? If you are (or even if you’re not but have considered trying), praying can be tremendously helpful in times of extreme stress.

5. Ride It Out

The peak of most strong emotional reactions (and the urges to engage in harmful activities, like self-harming or drinking, that can go along with these reactions) last for a few minutes and then begin to subside. Grab an egg timer from the kitchen, and set it for 10 minutes. Wait the 10 minutes, and practice riding out the emotion.

6. Be Mindful

Practice mindfulness of your emotion. Notice the emotion you are having, and let yourself experience it as a wave, without trying to block it, suppress it, or hold on to it. Try to accept the emotion for what it is.

7. Breathe Deeply

Sit or lie somewhere quiet and bring your attention to your breathing. Breathe evenly, slowly, and deeply. Watch your stomach rise and fall with each breath.

8. Take a Warm Bath or Shower

Try to lose yourself in the sensations of the warm water, the smell of the soap, etc. Allow the sensations to distract you from the situation you are upset about.

9. Ground Yourself

When emotions seem to be taking you out of the current moment (e.g., you are starting to feel “zoned out” or can’t see anything else going on at the moment), do something to ground yourself. Grab an ice cube and hold it in your hand for a few moments, snap a rubber band against your wrist, “snap yourself back” into the moment.

10. Help Someone Else

Do something nice for someone else. It doesn’t have to be something big; you can walk to the nearest store, buy a pack of gum, and give the cashier a smile and say “have a great day.” It may sound silly, but small gestures like this can really reduce emotional pain.

Reference

Miracles

DON’T QUIT BEFORE THE MIRACLE HAPPENS!

In my life, I have witnessed and experienced thousands of miracles. All you need to do is attend a Sexaholics Anonymous and/or AA meeting and I guarantee you will see countless examples of people who were saved endless misery.

Miracles really DO come True!


Miracles really CAN come True!

My dad always used to say Sun there are three kinds of people in life there are people that watch things happen there are people that make things happen and then there are people that say what happened what kind of person are you


This is sure to put you in a good mood!

Or at the very last awaken the curiosity inside you.

Here’s to the Crazy Ones

Stay Positive 🛣🚦


And this video will definitely knock your hair back 😉

Watch Overcoming Hopelessness by Nick Vujicic on TED Talks

Filmed live in Novi Sad, Vojvodina Serbia

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Membership Rules?

Around 1943 or 1944, the Central Office asked the groups to list
their membership rules and send them in. After they arrived we set
them all down. A littlereflection upon these many rules brought us to an astonishing conclusion.

If all of these edicts had been in force everywhere at once it would
have been practically impossible for any alcoholic to have ever
joined A.A. About nine-tenth of our oldest and best members could
never have got by!

At last experience taught us that to make away any alcoholic’s full
chance for sobriety in A.A. was sometimes to pronounce his death
sentence, and often to condemn him to endless misery. Who dared to be judge, jury, and executioner of his own sick brother?

1. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1946
2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 141

Read more (pg. 41)

P.S.  Definition of “edict” – a decree issued by a sovereign or other authority. Any authoritative proclamation or command.


Tradition Three states that “The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober.” Given this requirement, one might think that sexual sobriety would be a relative matter that we define for ourselves. On the surface, this might appear to be an attractive and democratic idea. We think not.

Our rationalizations are ingenious. We tried masturbation only, or having “meaningful relationships” only, or having affairs where we “truly cared” for the other person. Or, we resorted only to one-nighters, prostitutes, or anonymous sex “so nobody got hurt.” Over the long haul, these forms of experimentation did not work for us. There was no real recovery. Sobriety works for us.

How can we consider ourselves sober if we are still resorting to whatever or whomever we are using addictively? With most of us coming in, there was never any doubt what we had to stop doing. We knew. However, if we come into an SA group where we can define our own sobriety, watch those rationalizations come alive! And if we define our own level of sobriety, that’s all we’re likely to reach.

In defining sobriety, we do not speak for those outside Sexaholics Anonymous. We can only speak for ourselves. Thus, for the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse.

For the unmarried sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from sex of any kind. And for all of us, single and married alike, sexual sobriety also includes progressive victory over lust.*

*In SA’s sobriety definition, the term “spouse” refers to one’s partner in a marriage between a man and a woman.

Of course, we recognize that one can be sexually “dry” but not sober from lust or dependency. The “dry drunk” syndrome, discovered in AA, applies to us as well, single or married. But we try to avoid passing judgment on the quality of another’s inner sobriety. That must come from the individual. And if such persons keep coming back, the fact of whether or not they are living free from the power of sexual lust, fantasy, or dependency, not to mention switching addictions, usually becomes apparent. This aspect of recovery seems to be progressive. Thus, our SA expression: “True sobriety includes progressive victory over lust.” But progress we must or recovery eludes us! The real problem for all of us-single, married, man, woman, from whatever lifestyle-is one and the same: the spiritual misconnection.

We have found that more important than the mere length of our calendar sobriety is its quality and our own personal integrity. Physical sobriety is not an end in itself but a means toward an end-victory over the obsession and progress in recovery. We are often the only ones who know on the inside of our souls whether we are truly in sobriety and recovery. (It is also possible we can be fooling ourselves.) Better to acknowledge where we really are than hide behind the badge of our sobriety date, cheat ourselves, and threaten our union with one another.

The fact that marrieds can have sex with their spouse and call themselves “sober” is no advantage at all. It can even work against recovery. Some marrieds confess that even though they aren’t “acting out” any more, victory over lust still eludes them. As a matter of fact, it often seems harder for marrieds to get victory over lust and dependency unless they go through the experience of total sexual abstinence. And more often than we might suppose, marrieds can be heard complaining that singles have it easier! Let’s face it: sexaholics-recovering or not, single or married can expect to have problems with sex! Not to mention the host of other problems entailed in trying to live with and relate to others.

What we strive toward is not only the negative sobriety of not acting out our sexaholism, but progressive victory over the obsession in the looking and thinking. We also strive toward the positive sobriety of acting out true union of persons. The great blessing (or curse, as the case may be) of our condition is that unless and until we can give unconditionally and relate with others, the vacuum left inside us from withdrawal will never be filled. All along, we had thought we could make the Connection by taking; we see now that we get it by giving. Our whole concept of sex begins to change. Sex finds a simple and natural place it could never have before and becomes merely one of the things that flows from true union in committed marriage. And even here, we’ve discovered that sex is optional.

Unity in fellowship and good spiritual quality in meetings are supported by this definition. Without defining sexual sobriety, we would make it possible for those who are still practicing lust in some fashion to lead meetings and hold policy-making positions affecting not only the group but SA as a whole. This could also compromise the spiritual atmosphere so that the power of God’s presence would not be active in the meetings and fellowship. While groups may stay together without a commitment to sobriety-just as individuals may temporarily feel better without it-we have found that there is no true spiritual unity in groups without a shared commitment to sobriety and progress in recovery. “Personal recovery depends on SA unity” (Tradition One). Sobriety and victory over lust are the bases for our unity and common welfare, which must come first. Our sobriety is the sine qua non, the necessary basis of our recovery and fellowship. Without experiencing it, we have nothing.

For us, sobriety works.

We “Live and Let Live,” but we do not call one another sober unless we are practicing sobriety.

(SA Sobriety Definition)


SAFETY CARD FOR A.A. GROUPS


(The General Service Office has made this optional statement available as an A.A. service piece for those groups who wish to use it.)

Suggested Statement on Safety
Our group endeavors to provide a safe meeting place for all attendees and encourages each person here to contribute to fostering a secure and welcoming environment in which our meetings can take place. As our Traditions remind us, the formation and operation of an A.A. group resides with the group conscience. Therefore, we ask that group members and others refrain from any behavior which might compromise another person’s safety.
Also, please take the precautions you feel are necessary to ensure your own personal safety, for example, walking to your car in a group after a meeting. If a situation should arise where someone feels their safety is in jeopardy, or the situation breaches the law, the individuals involved should take appropriate action. Calling the proper authorities does not go against any A.A. Traditions and is recommended when someone may have broken the law or endangered the safety of another person.

Our Common Welfare
Each member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but a small part of a great whole. A.A. must continue to live or most of us will surely die. Hence our common welfare comes first. But individual welfare follows close afterward. —Tradition One (Long Form)
It is hoped that our common suffering as alcoholics and our common solution in A.A. will transcend most issues and curtail negative behaviors that could jeopardize the safety of anyone attending an A.A. meeting. Nevertheless, Alcoholics Anonymous is a microcosm of the larger society we exist in. As such, problems found in the outside world can also make their way into the rooms of A.A. For this reason, groups and members discuss the topic of safety — to raise awareness in the Fellowship and to seek through sponsorship, workshops and meetings, to create as safe an environment as possible to carry A.A.’s message of hope and recovery to the still-suffering alcoholic.

Service Material from the General Service Office