News

Patience is a Virtue

Patience—The ability to wait for something without getting angry or upset is a valuable quality in a person; the ability to wait calmly; the capacity to accept delay without getting angry.

Virtue—a quality or trait that most people consider to be morally good or desirable in a person

Quick Quiz:  “Patience is a Virtue” suggests that getting angry when you have to wait is:

  1. a good personal trait
  2. a bad personal trait
  3. a sign of patience

For the record when I first came into SA in 1995 one of the first things that I became resentful at was “TIME LIMITS” on shares.

Generally speaking at 90% or more of AA meetings there is no time limit on a shares.  How do you put a time limit on the “Language of the Heart” by setting restrictions, parameters and stipulations? Time Limits have their ADVANTAGES, don’t get me wrong.  However, it has been my experience it creates controversy, contention and aggravates patience!!!

I would add, once you establish a time limit, then you need a time keeper.  however, that responsibility is much greater than one person.  then the entire meeting and group takes on a DIFFERENT atmosphere.

Thus, in addition to the secretary and/or ONE time keeper, you end up having 3, 4, 5 and perhaps 20 or more time keepers.   Then, the call EXPECTATIONS become more focused on HOW LONG you talk instead of WHAT you talk about.

Quantity vs. Quality

This is a chronic problem with Sexaholics Anonymous because we are almost forced to share our sobriety date during introductions.  Similarly, it’s a CONTEST of “Length of Sobriety” vs. Quality of Sobriety.  Shame because you don’t have enough time or that nobody is willing to listen long enough to get to the truth.  Sad.

What are your thoughts on time limits?

Website Project Updates

This website gets updated on average every day.  To keep-up-date, please Join our Mailing List => http://eepurl.com/o4GBX

Daily Meetings (7 days per week): 10
Individual Meetings (1-6 days per week): 12
Skype Meetings: 11
Women Only Meetings: 2
Total: over 101 meetings per week and growing


Additional references:


 

Attention Developers

  1. Time zone chart
  2. Manual configurationdevelopers-logo
  3. Import into iPhone or Android
  4. Geo location strategy
  5. Automatic Alerts
  6. Text message reminders

Meetings are coded based on the following criteria:  (Start day/date in January thru December)

  • Recurs Never
  • Recurs Yearly – 365 Times per year (daily)Globe Icon: WordPress
  • Recurs Weekly – 52 Times per year (weekly)

WordPress started in 2003 with a single bit of code to enhance the typography of everyday writing and with fewer users than you can count on your fingers and toes. Since then it has grown to be the largest self-hosted blogging tool in the world, used on millions of sites and seen by tens of millions of people every day.

Everything you see on this website, would not be possible without the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous community. WordPress is an Open Source project, which means there are hundreds of people all over the world working on it. However, we need members to get involved as well, to make this site our own.

The Google Calendar API lets you develop client applications that create new events, edit or delete existing events, and search for events. We need people who have experience coding in various programming languages (currently Java, Python, PHP, .NET and Ruby).  We have developed our site to display Calendar data that has evolved over the past 7 years, and synchronize online giving the best user experience and a state-of-the-art platform on your desktop, laptop and even your smartphone (iPhone, Android, etc.).

New Beginnings

The way we see SAPhoneMeeting.org…

Saphonemeeting.org was designed by SA members to serve the needs of the members who are unable to attend face to face meetings. Our contention is that the site has evolved to be a much better resource than the flyer that is currently on the SA.org website. We formed our committee to call attention to the potential of the site and to suggest a forward direction.

The following Website Advisory Committee (WAC) members agree with the aforementioned statement, research and findings. Bill R., Rob S., Steve G., Kelvin P., Len & Brooks S.

Background. SAphonemeeting.org launched in 2009 to meet the immediate needs of some of the phone meetings. It published the available meetings times, phone numbers, access codes, scripts and group rosters. Based on the positive feedback and requests from members, the designer spent hundreds of hours to create a framework where the entire community can make electronic donations to sa, share blogs, news, and links to additional resources. As we shall show, this website compares favorably to the SA phone flyer in terms of useful functionality, presentation, and almost any other reasonable measure.

Personalities before principles. In the last few years, the designer of Saphonemeeting.org turned to SA to ask for help and support to keep the website strong. He has consistently sought out members to serve as committee to provide guidance and oversight to the site. The SA office referred the matter to the Virtual Intergroup (VIG) that had formed to represent the growing number of phone meetings. Personality differences arose when discussing the transfer of the site to SA. VIG members questioned the advisability of having a dynamic site when so many members have not found the Internet to be a safe place. Other issues concerned matters about how to handle anonymity, conference approved material, individual opinion, and financial accountability. VIG members even went so far as to question the motivations and financial propriety of the site. All these matters were worthy of discussion, but for whatever reason, strong personal feelings surfaced and the VIG and saphonemeeting.org divided into two acrimonious camps.

Our committee has formed to provide a series of recommendations to overcome a toxic situation that has developed. It is time that SA welcomed the contribution of this website and provided the support that is required. We do not want to abandon this vital web site that has become important to the recovery of many members of the community.

Promotion not attraction. The advantages of Saphonemeeting.org over the flyer, the saphonemeeting.org designer sought support at the group level. Some members heard this as promotion not attracting and their pushback proved disruptive and contentious. Strong feelings became open disputes. Addicts behaved like addicts. And the VIG initiated an effort to classify SAphonemeeting.org as an “outside” organization, asking other Intergroups to delist the site and remove links to it. They even went so far as to advocate that SA return any donations made to it from SAphonemeeting.org.

From inside to outside. Our contention is that the SAphonemeeting.org has never been an “outside” organization. It was formed in good faith to serve the members and has faithfully done so ever since. See Saphonemeeting.org to read more about traffic to the site, survey results of frequent users, and various testimonials from members of the years talking about the pivotal role the site has played in many, many recoveries. All this evidence should be sufficient to dispel the divisive notion that Saphonemeeting.org is an “outside” organization despite the strong feelings of the VIG committee.

Our leaders serve, they do not govern. Further, it’s clear to us that the VIG overstepped its authority in attempting to expel SAphonemeeting.org and to censure its designer.

7th tradition. It is clear to us that we as a fellowship have not yet evolved a reasonable method of collecting 7th tradition donations from the members who depend on digital and phone meetings. This need was addressed with a simple PayPal tool that has collected more than $1300 to cover expense since its inception. Surpluses have been forwarded to SAICO. In the graph below we show an accounting of the funds that have been received, paid the small expenses, and forwarded to SAICO.

We feel that a further step to create an infrastructure where individual meetings, whether phone or chat or forum or skype, can accept 7th tradition micropayments, maintain their own electronic treasuries, and spend their funds as determined by their group conscience. This is the formula that has fueled 12step programs forever. We need to provide the technology to perpetuate.

Such an effort may help pay for expenses to expand and improve the site and to help in SAICO’s work to carry the message.  Read more

For example, suppose there are 4000 phone and skype meetings a month, which seems reasonable considering there are dozens of daily meetings. If an average of 8-10 contributed $1 a meeting, 7th tradition funds would approach $40,000 a month, or almost $500,000 over the year.

Where do we go from here?

Amends. It’s clear to us that a cycle of amends is necessary on the part of all players. It is also important to bring a level of sobriety and civility into the matter. We’d suggest a moratorium on VIG’s efforts to censure saphonemeeting.org and to set direction of cooperation, not competition.

Guidance from Other 12 step fellowships.   Beyond that, there is a growing need to support members who employ technology in their recovery. This a broader issue than managing the list of phone meetings and instructions on how to use a phone system. Our committee looked to the other 12 step fellowships as a guide. It’s clear that SA is very far behind.  Having a strong digital presence is especially important today because of special stigma attached to our addiction.   In contrast to AA, SA, GA, Al-anon, etc., there are very few meetings in mid-sized and small towns around the world. Our phone and digital meetings are therefore key to our world-wide mission. Please examine Exhibit 5 which surveys the current features provided by the others.

The Rush of Technology.  Whether we like it or not, technology is fast becoming the dominant enabler of human interaction, particularly among our young members. Younger members want to connect with each other with text and social media. Phone, email, even web sites are no longer in vogue. In their place are a wide range of tools which young members use to learn, connect, and become inspired. Unfortunately, there is widespread abuse of this technology which is fueling sexual addiction like never before. The static phone meeting flyer, as well as the entire SA.org site, does not speak to the needs of. most people who are struggling with sex addiction.   Worse, soon our fellowship will be facing the challenges of virtual reality-based meetings, life cameras, eye glasses that project digital images, wearable computers, etc. In every case, people are using technology to connect with each other and with a message. The foundation laid today must be adaptable to what is coming without sacrificing our traditions and concepts. Our primary purpose is to carry the message.

Coordination with SAICO’s effort to revitalize worldwide web sites. The recent meeting of the delegates and trustees initiated a committee to look at upgrading SA’s website. We suggest that the committee considers these recommendations works with those of us that would like to see saphonemeeting.org incorporated into the new sites.

The Traditions and Concepts suggest a path to governance. The Traditions and Concepts provide the guidelines that should guide the fellowship to a policies that foster working together for the common good, adaptability, and promote innovation while not compromising our guiding principles. Please look at Exhibit 2 for our thoughts on how the traditions might guide us to meet the technology challenges ahead as well as maneuver out of the difficult personality problems that have arisen between the VIG and SAphonemeeting.org.

EXHIBIT 1. FEATURE COMPARISON OTHER 12 STEP NON FACE TO FACE MEETINGS

wac-exhibit1

 

EXHIBIT 2. KEY QUESTIONS TO BE ANSWERED FROM THE 12 TRADITIONS

  1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon SA unity.

We all trying to survive in a perilous sea depending on each other despite a wide divergence of opinion, backgrounds, and beliefs. Aren’t we chasing a common goal — serving the member who depends on phone meetings? When we have disagreements what is the best way to resolve them?

  1. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern..

What exactly is the fine line one crosses when one begins to “govern”? Bill W provides some instructions on this in the 12 and 12: “…no board of dirctions ..can cast an erring member into outer darkness, when indeed no AA can give another a direction and enforce obedience….” pp 132

  1. The only requirement for SA membership is a desire to stop drinking.

How can we embrace the service work of members who desire to stop lusting but struggle with sobriety.?

  1. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or SA as a whole.

Does the Intergroup or Region have authority over individual groups? Having a portal for each individual group would, we think, vastly increase the strength and service structure at the group level.

  1. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

In this dynamic digital world where many young members have fully embraced streaming, social media, how should the message be communicated and delivered ?.

  1. An SA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the SA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

How can a web site serving the needs of phone members, become an “outside” organization?

  1. Every SA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

What financial support do the phone meetings require? What is the best and most economical way for phone meeting members to participate in the 7th tradition?

  1. Sexaholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

What are the administrative responsibilities required for the technology that is needed to service virtual meetings?

  1. SA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

How should the digital assets committee working on the overall SA technology be working with the current web sites?

  1. Sexaholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the SA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

When members want to communicate digitally through blogs, chat rooms, and social media, under what conditions should the content be restricted or moderated? By whom? and under what guidelines?

  1. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always to maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.

In a digital world what is the best way to announce the existence of a useful website and its new features and capabilities. Secondly, what guidelines should we follow in collecting and distributing personal content information? .

  1. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

When a member violates this tradition in face to face meetings, one can raise a hand or exercise some body language? What is the digital equivalent?

Additional Resources

Governance Model (version 4)

About Us

History

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Protected: Website Committee

Virtual Intergroup

http://saphonemeeting.org/joomla

 

0830 Men’s DSR

Welcome to our personalized Web Log

Click here to download Script

New call in number: (302) 202-1110

Conference code is: 727-048

On April 25th, we moved to a new and improved conference call in service – www.freeconferencecalling.com

This new service will provide our meeting moderators with better call controls along with the ability to quickly deal with the occasional person who disrupts the call.

For callers, the new service will provide clearer calls and a smoother meeting.

We need volunteers to help publish up-to-date news.   Any questions, please send an email to mymorningdsr@gmail.com

1200 Noon Daily

News

NOON GROUP
New Teleconference
Phone: 712-770-4010
Access code: 965-990#

more info coming soon…

Service

The “Noon Group” is always looking for trusted servants to help secretary meetings and other service responsibilities. If you are interested, please send an email to noonsaphonemtg@gmail.com

For protected “group conscience” related business, click here.  We meet every day @ 12:00 PM ET and have a regular group conscience meeting on the last Wednesday of the month. Read more

Group Conscience – Sample Agenda

  1. Opening: Serenity Prayer
    Member role call
    Reminder: Motion, 2nd, Discuss, Vote, Amend
  2. Chairperson Report:
    Read minutes from last business meeting: Attendees & Duration
    Review secretaries and vacancies for 7 days/week.
  3. Old Business
  4. New Business
  5. Motion to adjourn?
    Closing Prayer

Group Conscience Secretary – Responsible for organizing and running the monthly business meeting.  This includes the preparation of a meeting agenda, taking attendance during the meeting, and keeping minutes.  The Group Conscience Secretary is also responsible for maintaining the group call list and communicating group-related information to all meeting secretaries.

Mailbox Administrator – Responsible for receiving and replying to all group mail coming to the group e-mail account.  Also responsible for distributing meeting notices, agendas, and minutes.

VIG Representative – Responsible for attending the monthly Virtual Intergroup meetings, reporting to the VIG on the activities of the noon meeting, discussing any concerns the noon meeting has with the VIG, and reporting back to the noon meeting the business of the VIG.


Meeting Secretary – Responsible for starting and facilitating daily SA meeting.  This includes following the script to ensure readings are conference-approved, taking attendance, and organizing sharing opportunities for group meetings.  Also responsible for ensuring meeting adheres to the 12 Traditions of SA (more details below).

Secretaries for the Weekly Calls (Monday through Sunday):

  • Secretaries should ideally have 90+ days of sobriety. This requirement is waived if no secretaries with 90+ days are available.
  • Passcodes for the moderator line are only shared with secretaries with 90+ days of sobriety. Once a secretary reaches 90+ days of sobriety and wants the moderator codes, the code should be obtained from the group conscience secretary and not from other members who have the code.
  • Secretaries generally have a term of xxxx. A new secretary should be sought once this length of service is received.
  • Secretaries should make the commitment to be on weekly calls they are designated to chair. They should start the call on-time and stay on for the duration of the call. It is understood that conflicts occasionally arise that make this difficult. If a conflict is arising regularly, the secretary should offer to step down for a secretary that is likely to have less conflicts. If a Secretary is aware they cannot facilitate a call, they should email the other Secretaries and Alternates, seeking coverage.
  • Secretaries should facilitate in a service-oriented fashion. They should not dominate the conversation or sway from the call script. Secretaries should generally let others share before they share on a personal level. Secretaries should try to limit giving their opinion on matters.
  • Secretaries should attend the monthly Group Conscience meeting.

Group Conscience Secretary Expectations:

  • The Group Conscience Secretary should ideally have at least 1 year of sobriety, but will have a minimum of 90 days sobriety. This requirement is waived if no secretary with this length of sobriety is available.
  • The term for Group Conscience Secretary is one year. A new Group Secretary should be sought to take over the position after this period of time has elapsed.
  • Group Conscience Secretary agrees not share the group distribution list or the email box password with anyone beside the designated back-up.
  • Group Conscience Secretary agrees not to chare the contact list (male or female) with anyone that is not a member of the noon group.
  • Group Conscience Secretary should check the group email box regularly (at least weekly) and respond to emails appropriately.
  • Group Conscience Secretary should maintain three lists
    1. Group distribution list to disseminate group emails
    2. Male contact list
    3. Female contact list
  • Group Conscience Secretary agrees not to share the Female Contact List with male members of the group
  • Group Conscience Secretary agrees to run monthly Group Conscience calls. This includes adding items brought up by – members during the month.
  • Group Conscience Secretary, or his/her designee, agrees to take minutes during Group Conscience calls.
  • The Group Conscience Secretary should try to disseminate Group Conscience Minutes within one week after the Group Conscience
  • The Group Conscience Secretary should try to disseminate minutes from the prior month and a draft agenda one week prior to the Group Conscience meeting

Process for Deviation from Expectations Regularly:

  • If a member feels a Secretary is deviating from expectations regularly, s/he should contact the Group Conscience Secretary. If the member is not comfortable contacting the Group Conscience Secretary, s/he can contact any one of the Meeting Secretaries from the weekly calls, who will then contact the Group Conscience Secretary,
  • The Group Conscience Secretary should contact the Meeting Secretary in question via email to let him/her know that concerns have been raised.
  • The Group Conscience Secretary should include this as an agenda item in the following monthly Group Conscience Meeting.
  • The Group Conscience can come up with one of the following as a resolution after a discussion in the Group Conscience Meeting
    1. Do Nothing
    2. Ask the Secretary to Step Down
    3. Ask the Secretary to continue but implement changes based on discussion

 

SA White Book (pgs. 173-176)

The Group
*The following material is taken from the SA Meeting Guide.  Answers to many of the questions and issues often confronting new or established SA groups are suggested in this material.  All members are urged to read what has proven to be of value in maintaining successful groups and good meeting quality.

General
The primary purpose of an SA group is “to carry its message to the sexaholic who still suffers” (Tradition 5).  Traditionally, as with AA, any two or more sexaholics meeting for purposes of sexual sobriety by following the SA program may consider themselves an SA group, provided that as a group they have no affiliation with any outside enterprise or other fellowship and receive no outside support.  The following are suggestions gained from our experience to date.

Starting the Group
1.  Find a weekly meeting place and set the time.  At first, this may be a private home or office, where anonymity and privacy can be assured.  Churches are often willing to provide facilities.  Check with churches and other organizations where other Twelve Step program meetings are held.  Often such facilities are made available to other groups.  Check with the SA Central Office.
2.  Select a group secretary, treasurer, and literature chairperson.  These are explained below.  Members who accept these responsibilities serve the group; they do not govern, in accordance with Tradition Two.
3.  Advise the SA Central Office of the name and phone number of the secretary and an alternate contact and meeting particulars.  Each SA group should have at least one contact and one backup contact for the SA Central Office for referrals.  Advise Central Office of changes.

Secretary
Should have successful sexual sobriety; length of that sobriety should be agreed upon by the group conscience.  Suggested term of office is six months or a year, although each group is autonomous and may hold elections whenever it wishes.  Rotating leadership is best.  Secretary’s responsibilities include:
1.  Selects a person or sees to it that a person is there to lead each meeting and provides that person with meeting format and literature.  A good idea is to select the leader a week in advance.
2.  Is responsible for the meeting place and notifying members.
3.  Maintains communications with SA Central Office and notifies it of any changes.
4.  Maintains communication with other nearby SA groups and SA as a whole.  Announces SA conventions and get-togethers.
5.  Sees to it that the Essay newsletter is available to all members.  Each member may also ask to be placed on the Essay mailing list.
6.  Handles necessary correspondence and phone calls or delegates these.
7.  Calls business or group-conscience meetings.
8.  Seeks to incorporate the principles of our Twelve Traditions into the spirit and activities of the group.

Treasurer
Should have successful sobriety; length of that sobriety should be agreed upon by the group conscience.  Same term of office as secretary.  Responsibilities include:
1.  Is custodian and disburser of money received by passing the basket at meetings.  Collections are usually counted and recorded by the treasurer and one other member.
2.  Keeps detailed accounts of group’s finances and reports on this at business meetings.
3.  When directed by the group, sends regular group contribution to SA Central Office for national and world services.  The fellowship has evolved a means of supporting its world services that is working.  Individual groups, either at every meeting or on a regular basis, pass the basket around a second time, the proceeds of which go entirely to support the SA Central Office.  Some groups have the policy that a certain percentage of excess money left over after paying all group expenses be sent regularly to the Central Office.  All groups are urged to develop some means of contributing a share in our expanding worldwide Twelfth Step work.  Such contributions support the work of the Central Office.  SA is totally self-supporting.
4.  All member contributions to Sexaholics Anonymous are tax-deductible, since SA is a nonprofit, exempt organization as registered with the U.S.  Internal Revenue Service.  For countries other than U.S.A., check appropriate ordinances.

Literature Chairperson
Orders literature from the SA Central Office and from A.A.  Sees to it that meetings always have a supply of Sexaholics Anonymous, the SA brochure, Recovery Continues, and whatever other SA literature is available, such as Essay and Discovering the Principles.  AA literature is the only non-SA material used in meetings.  (See the article “Meeting Quality and Use of Non-SA Literature” in Discovering the Principles.)

Steering Committee
This is a means for handling the group or inter-group business and policy matters in groups large enough to have one.  Service on this committee, like most SA responsibilities, is on a rotating basis.  All of the group officers are usually included on the steering committee, with as many other members added as needed.  The steering committee serves the group or groups by providing a convenient experienced cross-section of sober group membership to take care of group(s) functioning.

Other Positions
Some groups may find it convenient to have refreshment, setup, and cleanup committees.  Some groups operate well with only a secretary and treasurer.  The members of the group decide the service structure it needs.


Additional References:

Source: www.aa.org