- There is no cross talk. We don’t interrupt others. However, the leader has the right to remind the person sharing of guidelines, time consumed, etc.
- We don’t give advice. We talk in the “I,” not the “we” or the “you,” speaking from our own experience. If we want to respond to what someone has said, we do so only in terms of our own experience. “I can only speak for myself, but whenever I did such and such, this is what happened in my life …”
- We don’t get carried away analyzing what caused our behavior or attitudes. If we were victimized in early life, we slowly learn to face and work through it in acknowledgment, acceptance, and forgiveness. We talk as those who are now responsible for our attitudes and actions and are willing to take responsibility for our lives and recovery.
- In sharing, rather than displaying our knowledge or insights, we lead with our weakness and give of ourselves.
- We avoid politics, religious dogma, and other divisive issues. We also avoid explicit sexual descriptions and sexually abusive language.
- We avoid dumping, self-pity, and blaming others.
- We don’t take the “inventories” of others; that is, we uncover and work on our own defects, not those of others. We refer to our own experiences.
- We do speak honestly of where we really are today. We try to develop transparent honesty of complete self-disclosure, letting the other members know where we are currently, regardless of length of sobriety.
- We do lead with our weakness and take the risk of total self-disclosure.
- By attending on time and sharing regularly, we give of ourselves to others in the group. We get back recovery.
(See the material under the heading “I Am a Sexaholic” under Step One, in this book, and read the article “Meeting Quality and Use of Non-SA Literature,” in Discovering the Principles.Â SA WB pg. 188-89)