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Responsibility Pledge

What is the history behind AA’s Responsibility Statement?

The Responsibility Statement reads: “I am Responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.”

It was written for the 1965 A.A. International Convention in Toronto . I have enclosed an article titled, ‘How I am Responsible became a part of A.A.’, from the GSO newsletter, Box 4-5-9. The article identifies former AA trustee, Al S. as the author of the Responsibility Statement. In the souvenir book for the 1965 Convention, Dr. Jack Norris writes: “..We must remember that AA will continue strong only so long as each of us freely and happily gives it away to another person, only as each of us takes our fair share of responsibility for sponsorship of those who still suffer, for the growth and integrity of our Group, for our Intergroup activities, and for AA as a whole. It is in taking responsibility that real freedom and the enduring satisfactions of life are found. AA has given us the power to choose – to drink or not to drink – and in doing so has given us the freedom to be responsible for ourselves. As we become responsible for ourselves, we are free to be responsible for our share in AA, and unless we happily accept this responsibility we lose AA. Strange, isn’t it?”

In a Grapevine article in October 1965, the Responsibility Statement is discussed, and Bill W. expresses his views: Two major thoughts stood out in the remarks of the many speakers, alcoholic and nonalcoholic, at AA’s July Toronto Convention. The first was admiration and gratitude for AA’s startling success in sobering up hundreds of thousands of lost-cause drunks. The other was concern that the success which has come to AA over the thirty years since its start in Akron, Ohio in 1935 would not lead us to any complacency about the size of the job still to be done. The theme of the Convention was: Responsibility. “I am responsible. . .when anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.” AA’s co-founder, Bill, in his talk to over 10,000 attending the major sessions of the Convention, stressed the need for cooperation with all who work on the problem of alcoholism, the more than 100 agencies in the United States and Canada alone now engaged in research, alcohol education and rehabilitation. “Too often, we have deprecated and even derided these projects of our friends just because we do not always see eye to eye with them,” Bill said. “We should very seriously ask ourselves how many alcoholics have gone on drinking simply because we have failed to cooperate in good spirit with these many agencies. No alcoholic should go mad or die merely because he did not come straight to AA in the beginning.” “The first concern of AA members should be with problem drinkers the movement is still unable to reach,” Bill said. He estimated that there are 20 million alcoholics in the world today, five million in the U.S. alone. “Some cannot be reached because they are not hurt enough, others because they are hurt too much,” he declared. “Many sufferers have mental and emotional complications that seem to foreclose their chances. Yet it would be conservative to estimate that at any particular time there are four million alcoholics in the world who are able, ready and willing to get well if only they knew how. When we remember that in the 30 years of AA’s existence we have reached less than ten per cent of those who might have been willing to approach us, we begin to get an idea of the immensity of our task and of the responsibilities with which we will always be confronted.”

There have been two Advisory Actions from the General Service Conference regarding the Declaration of Responsibility since it was introduced. In 1971, the Conference recommended that: The Literature Committee, following the general feeling of the Conference, reaffirm both the spirit and the wording of the “I am Responsible” Declaration from the International Convention held in Toronto in 1965. And in 1977, the Conference recommended that: The Responsibility Declaration not be changed, as it was made at the 1965 International Convention in Toronto. ~G.S.O. Archives / Read more

Meetings How They Work

`As I come into the fellowship, I’m confronted with my disease. First, in my initial contacts with other members; then in meeting after meeting. But there are parts of the disease still hidden in that deep hole inside me, sides of me I never want you to see, and eventually they start festering. So, one by one, I’m forced to get rid of them. The problem is, how do I keep my disease from always running into a dark corner?”

That’s how one member put it in trying to describe something of what happens in meetings. The problem is our blind sides; we all have them. So, the question for us is, How do we work our personal programs and conduct our meetings and fellowship so as to “walk in the light”? Here’s what has been working for us:

  1. By getting sober and staying sober and holding to the concept of sexual sobriety in our SA meetings. Without sobriety we have nothing to offer anyone. SA offers sexual sobriety, progressive victory over lust, and recovery. When this is our aim, meetings can become a sanctuary of serenity and light.
  2. By not imposing uniformity. We don’t prescribe doing the Steps by formula or in exactly the same way some other member does them. We do the Steps in our own way and time; we “Live and Let Live.” But working the Steps does work for us.
  3. By telling the side of our stories we really don’t want to tell. This is different than a mere “sexalog,” relating our sexual experiences. It is rigorous self-searching and self-revealing honesty about every aspect of our lives. We are fitting the pieces of our lives together differently every time we tell our stories or share.
  4. By telling exactly where we are today-where we’re failing today, as well as where we’re succeeding. “I’m as sick as my secrets,” the saying goes. So we reveal our secrets; we bring the inside out. Self-honesty, in humility, yet so powerful. We lead with our weaknesses.
  5. By continually working the principles of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in our lives first, and in our fellowship.
  6. By helping others through identification. When we want to communicate to another member, we speak in terms of “I,” not “we” or “you.” We don’t tell them what’s wrong with them or give advice; we relate what happened to us. When we thus identify with another, it may not only help that person, but often reveals something about ourselves we’ve missed before. We don’t tell; we share.
    “I can tell you what’s wrong with you without identifying, but this keeps me from looking at myself and can be destructive to you. But when I bring it up by identifying through my own experience, it means I’m bringing myself out into the light.”
  7. By taking responsibility for our own recovery. There’s a difference between taking responsibility for our recovery and being in charge of it. When we take responsibility, we’ve stopped saying “Fix me” and are willing to take the actions necessary to get well. We’re willing to take direction and work the Steps. This same attitude is what leads us to tie in to another sober member as helper or sponsor-one who can help us learn how to work the Steps in our daily lives. When we remain “in charge,” however, we’re shutting ourselves off from the light and help of other recovering members.
  8. By leading with our weakness. There is an attractive healing atmosphere in meetings when someone is transparent, naive, “innocent,” and self-revealing at depth. He or she may even be a newcomer, which is often the case and why we need them to help keep us honest. Vulnerable, and like a child, we take the supreme risk of exposing the truth about ourselves, dark as it may be. We lead with our weakness because that’s where we’re hurting, and this becomes the point of our identification with each other, the point of true union. Once this single ray of light shines in a meeting, it finds ready reception and response in the others present. Honesty is catching; we’re learning to walk in the light.
  9. By commitment to the group. SA members commit themselves to SA meetings. We attend every meeting we can. On time. Meetings, on time. Why this emphasis?

When the meeting is handled in a haphazard manner, there’s a feeling of What’s the use? There’s the feeling of being let down, that the secretary, leader, or other members don’t care and are not really a part of. And if there’s no feeling of mutual caring, then I can’t be a part of. How can I become a part of something that’s always shifting around? A feeling of separation and isolation comes into play-deadly for us.

Meetings starting on time and a general orderliness are one of the legacies we’ve gotten from the best of other Twelve Step programs. Instead of “doing our own thing,” which characterizes our self-obsession, we commit ourselves to every meeting and to being on time. No matter what-spouses, jobs, money-we put the group first because we put our own sobriety first. Commitment to sobriety is commitment to the fellowship of sobriety. Read more

(SA White Book pages 185-187)

Meeting Guidelines

We can benefit from the unwritten guidelines that have contributed so profoundly to the success of other Twelve Step program meetings and have proven as valuable in our own.

  1. Leaders of meetings are servants of that meeting. They don’t “carry” the meeting; they merely facilitate it. A common mistake of those who have no prior Twelve Step meeting experience is to feel they must comment on everything that is said or “help out” in some way by giving “the answer.” The effective leader surrenders this impulse and lets the meeting work itself.
  2. The leader of the meeting does not have to acknowledge a raised hand; he or she can call on someone else. They can interrupt the one talking, if it is called for. This is in line with our common tradition. At the same time, a good meeting is one where the leader’s presence is inconspicuous and non-controlling.
  3. Most groups stick with a certain basic set of readings that are read at every meeting, adding to this to suit the particular meeting. A list of suggested readings from which to draw is included in the Suggested Meeting Format. We use authorized SA and AA literature only, both for use during meetings and for distribution on the literature table.
  4. Participation guidelines:
  • There is no cross talk. We don’t interrupt others. However, the leader has the right to remind the person sharing of guidelines, time consumed, etc.
  • We don’t give advice. We talk in the “I,” not the “we” or the “you,” speaking from our own experience. If we want to respond to what someone has said, we do so only in terms of our own experience. “I can only speak for myself, but whenever I did such and such, this is what happened in my life …”
  • We don’t get carried away analyzing what caused our behavior or attitudes. If we were victimized in early life, we slowly learn to face and work through it in acknowledgment, acceptance, and forgiveness. We talk as those who are now responsible for our attitudes and actions and are willing to take responsibility for our lives and recovery.

  • In sharing, rather than displaying our knowledge or insights, we lead with our weakness and give of ourselves.
  • We avoid politics, religious dogma, and other divisive issues. We also avoid explicit sexual descriptions and sexually abusive language.
  • We avoid dumping, self-pity, and blaming others.
  • We don’t take the “inventories” of others; that is, we uncover and work on our own defects, not those of others. We refer to our own experiences.
  • We do speak honestly of where we really are today. We try to develop transparent honesty of complete self-disclosure, letting the other members know where we are currently, regardless of length of sobriety.
  • We do lead with our weakness and take the risk of total self-disclosure.
  • By attending on time and sharing regularly, we give of ourselves to others in the group. We get back recovery.

(See the material under the heading “I Am a Sexaholic” under Step One, in this book, and read the article “Meeting Quality and Use of Non-SA Literature,” in Discovering the Principles. SA WB pg. 188-89)

Traditions Illustrated

A man was trapped in his house during a flood. He began praying to God to rescue him. He had a vision in his head of God’s hand reaching down from heaven and lifting him to safety. The water started to rise in his house. His neighbor urged him to leave and offered him a ride to safety. The man yelled back, “I am waiting for God to save me.” The neighbor drove off in his pick-up truck.

The man continued to pray and hold on to his vision. As the water began rising in his house, he had to climb up to the roof. A boat came by with some people heading for safe ground. They yelled at the man to grab a rope they were ready to throw and take him to safety. He told them that he was waiting for God to save him. They shook their heads and moved on.

The man continued to pray, believing with all his heart that he would be saved by God. The flood waters continued to rise. A helicopter flew by and a voice came over a loudspeaker offering to lower a ladder and take him off the roof. The man waved the helicopter away, shouting back that he was waiting for God to save him. The helicopter left. The flooding water came over the roof and caught him up and swept him away. He drowned.

When he reached heaven and asked, “God, why did you not save me? I believed in you with all my heart. Why did you let me drown?” God replied, “I sent you a pick-up truck, a boat and a helicopter and you refused all of them. What else could I possibly do for you?” Read more

My first meeting was actually in the fall 1990 when I attended Narcotics Anonymous. Two years later I discovered Alcoholics Anonymous and two years after that I found Sexaholics Anonymous. It’s been my experience (ESH) that the 12 Traditions are extremely powerful yet often misunderstood. So, I decided today to capture the “cartoon” version which helps put things in perspective (read more).

A picture is worth a thousand words!

Drowning Man

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”

The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.”

So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.”

To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.”

To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?” Read more

Thoughts on Stress Management

I think about this joke a lot more than I wish I did.

Hold this thought gently as you read on: Despite centuries of science, technology, and evolution; regardless of the miracles of medicine, psychology, and social development; irrespective of progress in all its forms, how you feel today probably has as much to do with whether the sun came out as anything else.

Okay, continue.

An old joke has stuck with me since I heard it, what? Twenty-five years ago, now? It goes like this:

A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe.

“Better get in, Preacher. The waters are rising fast.”

“No,” says the preacher. “I have faith in the Lord. He will save me.”

Still the waters rise. Now the preacher is up on the balcony, wringing his hands in supplication, when another guy zips up in a motorboat.

“Come on, Preacher. We need to get you out of here. The levee’s gonna break any minute.”

Once again, the preacher is unmoved. “I shall remain. The Lord will see me through.”

After a while the levee breaks, and the flood rushes over the church until only the steeple remains above water. The preacher is up there, clinging to the cross, when a helicopter descends out of the clouds, and a state trooper calls down to him through a megaphone.

“Grab the ladder, Preacher. This is your last chance.”

Once again, the preacher insists the Lord will deliver him.

And, predictably, he drowns.

A pious man, the preacher goes to heaven. After a while he gets an interview with God, and he asks the Almighty, “Lord, I had unwavering faith in you. Why didn’t you deliver me from that flood?”

God shakes his head. “What did you want from me? I sent you two boats and a helicopter.”

Frankly, I think about this joke a lot more than I wish I did. This is, I suspect, because I have never fully absorbed the lesson it has to teach me. The joke popped into my head this morning as I read an opinion piece in the Christian Science Monitor about life in Finland.

Helsinki is rather dull, the article’s author, Trevor Corson, reports, and this is how the Finns like it. In exchange for the security of things like free health care and education, the Finns are apparently content to forgo many of the first-world luxuries that living life in the Rat Race affords us Americans. Also, the article reports, most Finns decamp the cities for austere cottages in the woods for five weeks each summer, where they life simpler still. Read more

Condemn, attack, lambaste

Do you want to be RIGHT or do you want to be HAPPY?

Today on the Daily Sobriety Renewal, our secretary (AKA trusted servant) admitted he got ‘rattled’ when someone was not on mute while he was reading / sharing and lost his train of thought.

More importantly, the SA 08:30 DSR has become very ‘controlling’ and I feel the need to speak up to protect the 12 Traditions.

Here is what Roy K. has to say in our Basic text…

“MEETINGS ~ HOW THE WORK: As I come into the fellowship, I’m confronted with my disease. First, in my initial contacts with other members; then in meeting after meeting…
By not imposing uniformity. We don’t prescribe doing the Steps by formula or in exactly the same way some other member does them. We do the Steps in our own way and time; we ‘Live and Let Live.’ But working the Steps does work for us…

MEETING GUIDELINES: We can benefit from the unwritten guidelines that have contributed so profoundly to the success of other Twelve Step program meetings and have proven as valuable in our own.

Leaders of meetings are servants of that meeting. They don’t “carry” the meeting; they merely facilitate it. A common mistake of those who have no prior Twelve Step meeting experience is to feel they must comment on everything that is said or “help out” in some way by giving “the answer.” The effective leader surrenders this impulse and lets the meeting work itself.

The leader of the meeting does not have to acknowledge a raised hand; he or she can call on someone else. They can interrupt the one talking, if it is called for. This is in line with our common tradition. At the same time, a good meeting is one where the leader’s presence is inconspicuous and non-controlling.”

(SA WB pg. 185-189)



Around 1943 or 1944, the Central Office asked the groups to list
their membership rules and send them in. After they arrived we set
them all down. A littlereflection upon these many rules brought us to an astonishing conclusion.

If all of these edicts had been in force everywhere at once it would
have been practically impossible for any alcoholic to have ever
joined A.A. About nine-tenth of our oldest and best members could
never have got by!

At last experience taught us that to make away any alcoholic’s full
chance for sobriety in A.A. was sometimes to pronounce his death
sentence, and often to condemn him to endless misery. Who dared to be judge, jury, and executioner of his own sick brother?


As Bill Sees It (pg. 41) =>

P.S.  Definition of “edict” – a decree issued by a sovereign or other authority. Any authoritative proclamation or command.


Here are some more references:





Feel free to share this with others. I personally get very, very upset when moderators & others CRITICIZE and/or INTERUPT others.

We are ALL equal.

Losing face is EXTREMELY disturbing! More importantly, notice the first word in the first step is “WE”.

criticize—indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disapproving way. Form and express a sophisticated judgment.

synonyms: censure, denounce, condemn, attack, lambaste, scorn, disparage, denigrate, give bad press to, run down.

interrupt—stop or break the continuous progress of (an activity or process).

synonyms: cut in, break in, barge in, intervene, put one’s oar in, put one’s two cents in, interject.

Peace, Love & Service

Character Assasinations

Have you ever felt persecuted?  How many times has someone been the judge and jury of your character?

Matthew 5:43-44 Love Your Enemies
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.  But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you”.

Often when people criticize us we turn to obsessive, compulsive and addictive behavior.  Besides masturbation or pornography, have you ever binged on food?  In particular, candy (sugar) and fast food restaurants?  What about too much coffee or smoking cigarettes?  These are all part of the human nature to want to cope with the feelings.

If you are interested, there are many others who have found a solution by going to 12 Step program called OverEaters Anonymous.  Also, visit

Gossip is a very dangerous, destructive habit, I believe.  I will never forget when Eddie S. accused me of gossiping around 10 years ago.  I was hanging out in the kitchen of my AA home group and he got very upset.  That was his style.  He would say things that were not always popular.  One of his famous sayings was, “the alcoholic cannot handle the truth”.

According to Webster’s dictionary, it means idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others: the endless gossip about Hollywood stars; a person given to tattling or idle talk; to talk idly, especially about the affairs of others; go about tattling.  small talk, hearsay, palaver, chitchat. newsmongering about the affairs of others. Scandal is rumor or general talk that is damaging to reputation; it is usually more or less malicious

After reading this I found it interesting that you can not ungossip.  Also, when you research the Origin Middle English / Old English  before 1050, it comes from godsibb, godparent, equivalent to god, God + sibb related

So, perhaps God has a hand in all this small talk?

Read more


The other day my wife said she believes in Prenuptial Agreements.  Not me.  I think it is a joke.  If you truly love someone does money matter?  How much can you take with you to heaven?

However, I don’t have any money.  So, it’s easier to say that.

On the other hand, I think rich, successful self-made millionaires are wise to consider such an agreement because I also believe “love is blind”.  Moreover, it is very easy to be deceived by a “sugar daddy”.

A prenuptial agreement, antenuptial agreement, or premarital agreement, commonly abbreviated to prenup or prenupt, is a contract entered into prior to marriage, civil union or any other agreement prior to the main agreement by the people intending to marry or contract with each other. The content of a prenuptial agreement can vary widely, but commonly includes provisions for division of property and spousal support in the event of divorce or breakup of marriage. They may also include terms for the forfeiture of assets as a result of divorce on the grounds of adultery; further conditions of guardianship may be included as well.

In some countries, including Belgium and the Netherlands, the prenuptial agreement not only provides for the event of a divorce, but also to protect some property during the marriage, for instance in case of a bankruptcy.

Many countries, including Canada, France, Italy, and Germany, have matrimonial regimes, in addition to, or some cases, in lieu of prenuptial agreements.

Postnuptial agreements are similar to prenuptial agreements, except that they are entered into after a couple is married.[1]

Read more


Every day I wake up and try to say this prayer— “God thank you for helping me stay clean, sober and free of lust (as best as possible) all of these days in a row.  Please help me not take a drink, drug or masturbate just for today.

Fortunately, I have been successful in 2 out 3.  I have not found it necessary to take a drink or a drug in over 6,100 days.  God willing, ODAAT November 7 will be my 17 year AA anniversary.

But my prayers don’t stop there.  I continue to ask God for help by saying, “please help me not have a sex with another woman, look at pornography, flirt with another woman, stare at another woman, use the language of lust, watch TV or Movies and fantasize about sexual images in my head for the next 24 hours”.  This is one hour at a time and often one minute at a time.

So what is adultery?  It is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.  I got engaged on the top of the Eiffel Tower in January 2002 and married that same year in October on the Chesapeake Bay.  After I lost my virginity on my 18th birthday I had many one-night stands.  In fact, I met my wife in 1992 and was not faithful to her those first 10 years of dating.

When I took my solemn vow of marriage I said, “In the name of God, I  take you, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death.”  I’m proud to say I have never had intercourse with another woman since I put that diamond ring on my wife’s finger.

The SA White Book points out how we acted out whether or not our relationships were committed, meaningful, or whether we just resorted to a little sex with self as a physical outlet.  Ironically enough, I am pretty sure I may have had sex with another married woman while I was single once or twice, but I can’t remember.

So when I examine my life over the past 46 years I know I have sinned.  I certainly am guilty of committing fornication-voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.  Thank God for the Twelve Steps because I have made amends for past wrongs.

I was raised Christian and even attended a Catholic high school.  There we learned about Mortal and Venial Sins.  For example, I’ve often wondered if I’m guilty of infidelity which is basically marital disloyalty or breach of trust.  Jimmy Carter said it best, “I’ve looked on a lot of women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times”.

As I’m writing this post, this is day 10 for me without masturbation and pornography.  I can’t say that I watched much TV or Movies either over the past week and a half.  The Sexaholics Anonymous sobriety definition “means having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse.  For the unmarried sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from sex of any kind. And for all of us, single and married alike, sexual sobriety also includes progressive victory over lust.”  Thank GOD, I have never committed adultery in my life!

How to Live ODAAT or in my case One Minute at a Time?

It took me several years to learn that the first word in the first step is “We”.  I had a guy used to tell me I had a problem with my “eyes”.  He said, “your “eyes” are too close together.  I thought he meant I needed glasses.  What he was trying to say, “stop talking about myself”.  Instead think about how many times I use the word “I”.

Today we must use all the tools available to us, including phone calls, email and even text messaging.  If you never setup a Twitter account, I encourage you to visit  The primary advantage is you do not have to manually add multiple people to a “SMS text message”.  Instead, you send only one message to short code: 40404 and everyone you decide that follows you will get the message automatically on their phone.

We setup this account => several years ago and I know a friend of mine has used it to help him stay sober.  We have 78 people following our Tweets.  I follow Patrick Carnes.  I recommend creating a separate account for social purposes outside of Sexaholics Anonymous for anonymity purposes.

Now if I could only get some sleep and find a job 🙂 Winning the lottery would be nice also, but I’ve never bought a ticket in my life.  I believe the best investment you can make is in yourself.

Vision for You

This morning on one of the most universal popular holidays in the world, I attended an “in-person” Alcoholics Anonymous meeting @ 0600 the day after the big 2021 New Year’s celebration.

While I was sitting there, I looked up on the wall and read the following:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it,
We will comprehend the word serenity,
And we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain insight into our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook will change.
Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.”
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. (BB pgs. 83-84)

Yes, they are definitely “extravagant“! But, then as I was reading them it occurred to me that all of them have come TRUE for me. In fact, I believe that was a “Spiritual Experience” similar to Appendix II in the AA Big Book. However, why do I continue to have trouble with “Patience, Love and Tolerance”? So, I began going back over some previous journal entries and read the following excerpts:

Forest through the Trees

It is very challenging when I run across people who appear to be so simple minded that they can’t figure out the simplest problems. Their minds are like great big empty voids of any kind of logical thought. This is why even though they can see the trees their simple minds can’t grasp that’s the forest.

“…discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover— if he can and will. Still you may say: “But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book.” We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave. Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you — until then.” (WB pg. 169 and pg. 210 and pg. BB pg. 164)

Let’s turn again to the deposed founder and his friends. What becomes of them? As their grief and anxiety wear away, a subtle change begins. Ultimately, they divide into two classes known in A.A. slang as “elder statesmen” and “bleeding deacons.” The elder statesman is the one who sees the wisdom of the group’s decision, who holds no resentment over his reduced status, whose judgment, fortified by considerable experience, is sound, and who is willing to sit quietly on the sidelines patiently awaiting developments. The bleeding deacon is one who is just as surely convinced that the group cannot get along without him, who constantly connives for reelection to office, and who continues to be consumed with self-pity. A few hemorrhage so badly that— drained of all A.A. spirit and principle—they get drunk. At times the A.A. landscape seems to be littered with bleeding forms. Nearly every old-timer in our Society has gone through this process in some degree. Happily, most of them survive and live to become elder statesmen. ~ AA 12&12 pg. 135

TRADITION 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

“We also use telephone meetings with two or more members, using the three-way calling feature available in many cities. Some members subscribe to discount long-distance phone service for considerable savings. Speaker phones enable a loner to sit in remotely.” Read more =>

“The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober… does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sexually sober and help others to achieve sexual sobriety.” AA Grapevine / SA WB pg. 201

“Anything you have heard at this meeting is strictly the opinion of the individual participant; the principles of SA are found in our Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.  This is an anonymous program. Please keep the name, address, and phone number of anyone you meet or learn about in SA to yourself. And what we say here, let it stay here. Remember that we never identify ourselves publicly with SA in the press, radio, TV, or films. Neither does anyone speak for SA.” SA WB pg. 199

Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code. And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone— even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. AA BB pg. 84

TRADITION 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV.

NOTICE: Sexaholics Anonymous added the word “TV”. They could probably add Internet and tele/videoconference today (e.g. Zoom and/or

“In some sections of A.A., anonymity is carried to the point of real absurdity. Members are on such a poor basis of communication that they don’t even know each other’s last names or where each lives.” – As Bill Sees it, page 241

“…[Dr. Bob] said there were two ways to break the Anonymity Tradition: (1) by giving your name at the public level of press or radio; (2) by being so anonymous that you can’t be reached by other drunks.” – Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers, page 264

Happy New Year!

Join Us

2020 could not have been much worse for the average human being. Who could have predicted this tragic Pandemic that has taken the lives of so many and caused millions to stop and think about the value of creation. Now that we have a “COVID-19 Vaccine“, 2021 should hopefully be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Starting with Australia, New Year’s celebrations begin and continue practically every hour as you travel west across the Globe. To convert to your local time zone, click here.

24 Hour Marathon

Beginning tomorrow @ 0800, the SAPhoneMeeting Website Committee is proud to announce a twenty-four hour marathon of Sexaholics Anonymous video/audio conference meetings. All over the World we will be streaming live recovery meetings. Below is the current AGENDA (subject to change):

Start: Thursday, December 31, 2020 @ 0800 (Eastern Time)
End: Friday, January 1, 2021 @ 1600
Topics: 12 Steps, White Book Study, Essay, etc.


To Join Zoom Meeting: Click here

Meeting ID: 839-874-7514
Passcode: 123
One tap mobile: 19292056099,,8398747514#,,,,*123#
Find your local number: Click here

Featured Event


0815: Step Into Action Book Study (Live)
1315: Guest Speaker – Gwen (1997 International Convention)
2015: White Book Study (Live)
2215: Featured Speaker – Chris Z. from PA
2415: Guest Speaker – Peter from Whales, United Kingdom

We will continue previously recorded SA & AA Speakers including Roy K, Harvey A and Jesse L throughout the evening.

Friends of 12 Noon Group

Day: Friday, January 1, 2021
Time: 1100, 1200, 1300, 1400
Dial: 712-770-4010
Access code: 965-990

Thank you

We would like to take this opportunity to thank all those who have been very generous with your time and financial support to launch a series of very successful Zoom meetings for the past nine (9) months.

Sanskrit proverb

Look to this day,
For it is life,
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie all
The realities and verities of existence,
The bliss of growth,
The splendor of action,
The glory of power —
For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today, well lived,
Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

Top 10 places around the world

  1. New York, NY
  2. Edinburgh, Scotland
  3. Sydney, Australia
  4. Lake Tahoe, California
  5. Paris, France
  6. London, England
  7. Vienna, Austria
  8. Miami, Florida
  9. Las Vegas, Nevada
  10. Hawaii

One Day at a Time

THERE are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. YESTERDAY is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW with its possible adversaries, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.

TOMORROW’S sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds–but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW for it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day–TODAY–. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities–YESTERDAY and TOMORROW that we break down.

It is not the Experience of TODAY that drives people mad–it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY and the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.