Patience—The ability to wait for something without getting angry or upset is a valuable quality in a person; the ability to wait calmly; the capacity to accept delay without getting angry.
Virtue—a quality or trait that most people consider to be morally good or desirable in a person
Quick Quiz: “Patience is a Virtue” suggests that getting angry when you have to wait is:
- a good personal trait
- a bad personal trait
- a sign of patience
For the record when I first came into SA in 1995 one of the first things that I became resentful at was “TIME LIMITS” on shares.
Generally speaking at 90% or more of AA meetings there is no time limit on a shares. How do you put a time limit on the “Language of the Heart” by setting restrictions, parameters and stipulations? Time Limits have their ADVANTAGES, don’t get me wrong. However, it has been my experience it creates controversy, contention and aggravates patience!!!
I would add, once you establish a time limit, then you need a time keeper. however, that responsibility is much greater than one person. then the entire meeting and group takes on a DIFFERENT atmosphere.
Thus, in addition to the secretary and/or ONE time keeper, you end up having 3, 4, 5 and perhaps 20 or more time keepers. Then, the call EXPECTATIONS become more focused on HOW LONG you talk instead of WHAT you talk about.
Quantity vs. Quality
This is a chronic problem with Sexaholics Anonymous because we are almost forced to share our sobriety date during introductions. Similarly, it’s a CONTEST of “Length of Sobriety” vs. Quality of Sobriety. Shame because you don’t have enough time or that nobody is willing to listen long enough to get to the truth. Sad.
What are your thoughts on time limits?
WOW, in case you are wondering I stated my apologies up front that I will “probably do it wrong, but I will be trying as best as I can”. Thus, it is absolutely amazing that we join this call to try and support one another but unfortunately, we are all VICTIMS of Sex Addiction. Thus, we all struggle with a “mental illness” that our literature says we are “self-centered”.
So, even though I volunteered to be your “trusted servant” and it helps me to stay engaged in the meeting and more attentive on the call, I am quickly reminded that the DISEASE or (DIS-EASE) is much stronger than my best intentions. Specifically, “Dan from Illinois” who took it upon himself to step on my toes and replace me. For the record, the secretary who shared first went over the 120 second time limit, then the 2nd caller went over, and the 3rd caller went over, etc.
Why is it that nobody has any conception of time? See, in my opinion it comes down to CONTROL. We are incapable of controlling our disease of addiction. The serenity prayer reminds us all, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change…”. Thus, people places and things. “Control freaks, trying to control other control freaks.” Furthermore, I realize this sounds a little cynical, critical and self-righteous BUT… “Stay in your own lane”!!! Mind your own business. Live and Let Live. It’s embarrassing. Rude. ROLE MODEL. Walk the walk, don’t just Talk the Talk.
“Selfishness—self-centeredness!
That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we
have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.
This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God”
(AA BB pg. 62) Click here