Stay out of this controversy

“Now about sex. Many of us needed an overhauling there. But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. It’s so easy to get way off the track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes— absurd extremes, perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation.

“Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn’t the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We’d hardly be human if we didn’t. What can we do about them?

“We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.

“In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test—was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.

“Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it. (AA BB pg. 69)

It’ VERY easy to find fault with others

Somehow, the flaws are far more easy to see than the bigger picture, than the amount of work and thought and preparation have gone into a particular piece of work.  Think about it–if someone just painted his or her house and missed a spot, what’s the first thing we see?  If someone just cooked us dinner and used a bit too much salt, what’s the first thing we notice when we put the food into our mouths?

Live and Let Live “The old saying “Live and Let live” seems so commonplace, it is easy to overlook its value. Of course, one reason it has been said over and over for years is that it has proved beneficial in so many ways.  We AA’s make some special uses of it to help us not drink. It particularly helps us cope with people who get on our nerves.  Read more


  1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on SA unity.
  2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
  3. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober.
  4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or Sexaholics Anonymous as a whole.
  5. Each group has but one primary purpose— to carry its message to the sexaholic who still suffers.
  6. An SA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the SA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
  7. Every SA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
  8. Sexaholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
  9. SA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
  10. Sexaholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the SA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
  11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV.
  12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

For more information, read the Twelve Concepts

Beta Speaker Jam

As most people know, Sex Addiction does not go away after a meeting.  Hopefully, you have learned how to stay sober between meetings, one hour at a time, one day at a time.

“I’m still a sexaholic; my programming still makes me want to turn my head at anything that looks interesting and take a “drink.” Part of me still thinks it will die if I don’t. But one day at a time, one encounter at a time, one glance at a time, one thought or memory at a time, I don’t have to act on those impulses. I don’t have to drink it in.” (WB pg. 24)

If you are new, it is helpful to have an accountability list of members to call.  However, often you may get an answering machine or they are not available.

If you are interested in joining us for SA audio speaker recordings, please send an email to

Thus, we have a suggestion: try our new “beta speaker jam”.  Throughout the day, we will announce times when the broadcast is being played (typically during off times when there is no regularly scheduled SAPhoneMeeting to attend).

Dial-in: 1-712-432-3011
Conference code: 174-189


“The only thing I can bear witness to is the truth of my own experience. Because that’s what I want to hear from others. I want to see and feel the real truth about someone’s inner life and behavior that I can identify with. I don’t want to be told or preached at. Knowing the truth about religion or the program didn’t do it for me. Coming to see and acknowledge the truth about myself is what got me through the door into this new way of life. It’s the truth about myself-the imperfect truth–that attracts others; not all the preaching in the world.” (SA WB pg. 144)

This is one of the greatest things about the 12 Step Program(s)

It’s been my experience that since I’ve been coming to Alcoholics Anonymous since 1992 and Sexaholics Anonymous since 1995 that “addicts” hate being told what to do.  However, this is very tricky state of mind because it takes the same level of surrender to be willing to follow directions in order to recover.  Often we are told to “go to meetings, work the steps, pray, get a sponsor, etc.”.  In fact, there are 103 MUSTS in the AA Big Book.

I personally have given my 5th Step to a priest and thank God for all the wonderful things I’ve learned from clergy members.  In addition they say, “sometimes you have to seek professional help” and reach out to the mental health profession.  I also have witnessed tremendous benefit talking to psychiatrists and psychologists over the past 20 years or more.  However, there is no comparison how POWERFUL the level of honesty and transparent sharing that takes place when one addicts talks to another.




Fellowship Approved Literature

SA decided years ago that it is best to eliminate “clouding the message of recovery” by allowing outside literature. So, basically if it doesn’t appear on this list then it is not allowed.

To help members get access to our AA Big Book, we’ve included some links below:

AA Twelve and Twelve:

More AA literature:

A.A. Guidelines are compiled from the shared experience of A.A. members in various service areas. They also reflect guidance given through the Twelve Traditions and the General Service Conference (U.S. and Canada). In keeping with our Tradition of autonomy, except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole, most decisions are made by the group conscience of the members involved. The purpose of these Guidelines is to assist in reaching an informed group conscience.


We observe all A.A.’s principles and Traditions on A.A. Web sites.

Anonymity—As anonymity is the “spiritual foundation of all our Traditions,” we practice anonymity on public Web sites at all times.

Unless password-protected and for members only, an A.A. Web site is a public medium, and, therefore, requires the same safeguards that we use at the level of press, radio and film. In simplest form, this means that A.A.s do not identify themselves as A.A. members using their full names and/or full-face photos. For more information on anonymity online, see the section of this Guideline, “Guarding Anonymity Online.”

Attraction not promotion—As our co-founder, Bill W., wrote: “Public information takes many forms – the simple sign outside a meeting place that says ‘A.A. meeting tonight’; listing in local phone directories; distribution of A.A. literature; and radio and television shows using sophisticated media techniques. Whatever the form, it comes down to ‘one drunk carrying the message to another drunk,’ whether through personal contact or through the use of third parties and the media.


Connecting Sexaholics 365 days per year across the Globe