Category Archives: News

Egomaniac with an Inferiority Complex

For years, I’ve heard this expression and related to it, however never really examined the underlying factors.
An egomaniac with an inferiority complex is someone who is obsessively preoccupied with their own unrealistic feeling of inadequacy, and it’s safe to assume they behave aggressively and impulsively to over compensate with delusions of personal greatness to mask insecurity.
Indicating attributes that can typically be credited to this specific style of substance abuser or addict.

(1) Exaggeration
Often time’s people who have a tendency to exaggerate details and events do so for reasons closely associated with egomania and inferiority. They may be trying to overemphasize themselves to others to promote their worth and image, while secretly fighting the feeling of ‘less than’.

(2) Ridicule
Those who openly and frequently ridicule others and put down everyone around them in ways ranging from minor insults to extreme aggressive judgment can be showing signs of being an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. By behaving this way they are trying to expose the defects in others to draw the attention off of whatever personal defect they are avoiding at the time, and doing so in a way that they feel will seem attractive to others.

(3) Fishing for Compliments
Egomaniacs love compliments, and people with an inferiority complex usually find it pretty easy to belittle themselves. So when someone with both wants to get their best results, they may talk down about themselves to others to get a little extra attention and admiration. When you say how ugly you are just so people tell you you’re pretty, you are feeding the self-pity, and at the same time inviting praise that you secretly crave.

(4) Hyper Sensitive
People who seem too tense or sensitive to the opinions of others also exhibit signs of egomania and an inferiority complex. If you find yourself taking everything said about you too seriously and obsessing over what someone may have pointed out as a flaw, then you are perpetuating the critical self-image. At the same time, you are being absorbed by the thought of yourself and how you can possibly appear to be better to others.

(5) You Hate Losing
To an egomaniac with an inferiority complex losing means you ARE a loser! It makes you feel that you are less than, and it exposes your weakness or faults to others to judge you. You hate losing because it tarnishes the reputation you want people to see, and it hurts you deeper to know that you are a failure. But losing is not failing, it’s learning.

(6) Problems with Paying Attention
Those who have a hard time really listening to people at all and holding conversations can be showing signs of being an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. Either they are not interested enough in what it is you have to say because it’s not about them, or they are having an internal dialog obsessing about how they should respond, what their response will say about them, or what they look like while listening. Instead of being in the present they are worried or focused on themselves. Instead of listening, they just wait for their turn to talk.

The false conception of being inferior, the obsession of the negative ego, or the combination of both can be symptoms of the types of toxic behavior and character defects that make up the disease of addiction or alcoholism. Learning to understand the personality traits and how to grow out of them is a huge part of the recovery process.

Referemce:

Upcoming Events

Gratitude Day

November 2, 2019

8:45 AM – 4:30 PM

Location: Rockville, MD

For more information, visit https://sanon.ticketleap.com/gratitude19


A Design For Living

January 10 – 12, 2020

SA 2020 International Convention

Location: Nashville, Tennessee

For More Information, visit www.designforliving2020.com


True North 2020 – Happy, Joyous and Free

July 24 – 26, 2020

SA/S-Anon International Convention

Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

For More Information, visit www.truenorth2020.ca

Contract for Sobriety

Today at the 12:00 PM Noon SA Phone Meeting, I suggested the following reading from Practical Recovery Tools – “A Contract for Sobriety”.  During introductions, I picked 3 readings and asked the group to decide.  This is what we read – CLICK HERE and the KINDLE version directly from Amazon.

Evidently, it was a big success and I decided to start another Contract myself, starting immediately.

Incidentally, a few years ago I also came across this reading in the same book – “Lust Based Decisions” CLICK HERE.

Lastly, as some members shared, the DAILY SOBRIETY RENEWAL is very much like a Daily Contract – CLICK HERE.

AA History Flowchart

I recently came across the following article below… 

It’s very easy to spend hours on the Internet these days digging up tons of historical references regarding Alcoholics Anonymous.  My mission today is start logging chronologically the events in Sexaholics Anonymous history (e.g. Wiki)

                Flowchart of Events of Interest to Members
                Of The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous
                                  by Miles M.
                             
 
                        William Griffith Wilson
                        born Nov. 26, 1895, in a
                        small room behind a bar in
                        East Dorsett, VT., to Gilman
1901 - Professor        and Emily Wilson.
William James lectures
at University of 
Edinburgh, Scotland.
Lectures published as
The Varieties of 
Religious Experience
in 1902.                Bill's father, Gilman, deserts                 
                        the family.
 
                        Bill's mother, Emily, moves to
                        Boston and becomes an Osteopathic
                        Physician.  Bill and sister
                        Dorothy live with maternal grand-
                        parents, Fayette and Ella
                        Griffith.
 
                        Bill's first "success" making a
                        boomerang - "a fitting irony".
 
                        @1907 - About age 12 Bill "leaves
                        the Church" over a required 
1908 - Oxford Group     temperance pledge.
begun as A First Century
Christian Fellowship.
Frank Buchman, Founder.  
They espoused the Four
Absolutes:  Honesty,
Purity, Unselfishness
and Love.  They         1909 - Bill begins secondary
practiced the princi-   education at Burr & Burton
ples of self-survey     Academy.
confession; restitution;
and service to others.                                  1911 - Ebby Thatcher
                                                        and Bill first met.
 
                        1912 - Bill's "first love",
                        Bertha Bamford, dies after
                        surgery in New York.  Bill
                        began a three year depression.
1914-1918, World War I
                        1914 - Bill enters Norwich
                        University - a military college
                        with strict discipline.
                        
                        Bill meets Lois Burnham, 
                        daughter of New York
                        physician Dr. Clark Burnham.
April 6, 1917 - U.S.
enters World War I.
                        Summer 1917 - a Second Lieutenant
                        in the coast artillery at Ft.
                        Rodman, Mass., Bill takes first
                        remembered drink - Bronx Cocktail
                        - feels a miracle - relaxed and
                        free.  A profound experience he
                        recalled vividly more than 50
                        years later.
 
                        January 24, 1918 - Bill marries
                        Lois Burnham.
 
                        Summer 1918 - On way to France, 
                        Bill visits Winchester Cathedral
                        and is stirred by a "tremendous
                        sense of presence".  Reads
                        epitaph on headstone of a 
                        Hampshire Grenadier.
Nov. 11, 1918 -                                         January 16, 1919 - 36
Armistice signed,                                       states ratified 
World War I ends.                                       constitutional
                        May 1919 - Bill returns home.   amendment for 
                                                        prohibition.
                        1920 - Bill enters Brooklyn
                        Law School.
 
                        1921 - An investigator for U.S.
                        F & G and also works around
                        Wall Street.
 
                        Christmas 1923 - Bill vows to 
                        stay sober one year - Lasted
                        only 2 months.
 
                        1925-26 - Bought motorcycle and
                        became (First?) "Market Analyst."
                        Disease progressing.
 
                        1926 - On Wall Street full time.
                        Disease progressing.
 
                        Late 1928 - Early 1929 - Bill 
                        crosses "invisible line" in
                        his drinking.
Oct. 1929 - Stock
Market collapse.
                        Nov. 1929 - Bill goes to Canada
                        for a job with Dick Johnson.
 
                        1930 - 31 - Back in Brooklyn and
                        Wall Street.  Living with Lois's
                        family - unemployed. Disease
                        progressing.
 
                        Spring 1932 - Bill's business   1931 - Rowland Hazzard
                        deal in New Jersey - drank      sees Dr. Carl Jung
                        Apple Jack and drunk three      in Zurich, Switzerland.
                        days.  Contract cancelled.      Told no medical or 
At Towns Hospital, Bill                                 psychological hope for
meets Dr. William                                       an alcoholic of his
Silkworth on second                                     type; told the only
admission.  "The Little                                 hope was a spiritual or
Doctor Who Loved        1930-34 - Bill in "An Alcoholic religious experience
Drunks."                Hell".  1933-34 - Bill in Towns or conversion.  This
                        Hospital four times.            considered "the first
                                                        in the chain of events 
Dec. 5, 1933-                                           that led to the
Prohibition ended.                                      founding of A.A."
                        Bill resumes drinking after
                        each admission.  Disease
                        progressing.
 
Dr. Silkworth           Summer 1934                     Rowland Hazzard
pronounces Bill a...    "HOPELESS DRUNK"                return to America and
                                                        becomes involved in
                                                        Oxford Group.
1934 - Emmett Fox
publishes The Sermon
On The Mount.
                        Nov. 1924 - Ebby T. carries     Aug. 1924 - Rowland
                        message to Bill at home.        Hazzard and Cebra
                        Tells his story. "One           persuade court to
                        Alcoholic Talking To Another."  court to parole Ebby
                                                        Thatcher in their
                        Bill starts attending Oxford    custody.  Ebby sobers
                        Group at Calvary Church,        up at Oxford Group at 
                        Bowery Mission.                 Calvary Episcopal 
                                                        Mission, Sam Shoemaker.
                        Bill drinks again - Back to
                        Towns Hospital.
 
                        Dec. 1934 - Bill has "Hot
                        Flash" spiritual experience
                        at Towns Hospital.  NEVER 
                        DRANK AGAIN.
Dr. Silkworth assured
Bill he was not crazy;
rather a "psychic                                       The next day Ebby
upheaval" or "conversion                                brought Bill a copy
experience."                                            of William James'
                                                        Varieties of Religious
                                                        Experience.
                        Bill reads Varieties of Religious
                        Experience, an explanation of 
                        need for Pain, Suffering, Calamity
                        and "Deflation in Depth" and the
                        "Simultaneous Transmission of 
                        Hope."  The two "Halves" are
                        joined into a "Whole."
 
                        Bill returns to Oxford Group and 
                        works with other alcoholics, also at 
                        Sam Shoemaker's Calvary Mission and
                        at Towns Hospital, emphasizing his
                        "Hot Flash" spiritual experience.  
                        He noted they "seemed to do better"
                        talking of their common problems,
                        but no success in sobering up others.
                                                        Bill develops belief
                                                        that alcoholics are
                                                        resistant to the 
                                                        "Four Absolutes" of
                                                        the Oxford Group.
                        1935 - Bill, still sober, but no
                        success yet in helping others. Still
                        frequents Wall Street. Went to Akron
                        Ohio for proxy fight.  Lost proxy
                        fight.  Bill at Mayflower Hotel.
                        Very discouraged and afraid he might
                        drink.
                        May 11, 1935 - Bill reached reali-
 Rev. Walter Tunks      zation of: I need another alcoholic.
        .               "He starts making telephone calls.
                        *The final founding moment
Referred to Norman       of A.A.*
Sheppard
                        May 12, 1935 @5:00 P.M. - Bill  Robert Holbrook
Referred to Henrietta   meets Dr. Bob.  Bob still       Smith.  Born August
Seiberling, an Oxford   drinking.  Bill tells Bob of    8, 1879 in St.
Group adherent.  She    his experiences with alcohol    Johnsbury, VT.
arranged a meeting the  the hopes, promises, failures   Dartmouth College, Pre-
next afternoon at the   told of the obsession, compul-  Med at University of
Seiberling Estate with  sion, and physical allergy;     Michigan.  M.D. at
Dr. Bob Smith.          told him of Ebby's visit and    Rush Medical College,
                        simple message, "show me your   Chicago, IL.  Intern
                        faith and by my works I will    at City Hospital, 
                        show you mine."                 Akron, OH.  Procto-
                                                        logist.  His wife,
                                                        Anne was a friend of
                                                        Henrietta Seiberling.
                                                        They brought Dr. Bob
                                                        to Oxford Group meet-
                                                        ings for 2-1/2 yrs.
                        Dr. Bob understood with sudden  and he continued to 
Bill had presented Dr.  clarity - the difference with   get drunk regularly.
Bob four aspects of one the Oxford Group.  "The spirit- 
core idea:              ual approach was as useless as
(1) Utter Hopelessness  any other if you soaked it up like
(2) Totally Deflated    a sponge and kept it to yourself."
(3) Requiring Conversion The purpose of life was not to 
(4) Needing Others      "get" , it was to "give."
 
                                  June 10, 1935                             
                              Dr. Bob has last drink    
                              _______________________
                                  ALCOHOLICS
                                   ANONYMOUS
                                     FOUNDED
                              ------------------------
 
                        June 11, 1935 - Dr. Bob
                        suggests they both start
                        working with other alcoholics.
 
                        June 28, 1935 - Bill and Dr.
                        Bob confront Bill Dotson, 
                        first "Man on the Bed."  
                        Bill D. was a prominent
                        attorney in Akron.  The 3rd
                        A.A. Note:  Bill D. had a
                        spiritual experience without
                        familiarity with Oxford 
                        Group principals.
 
Henrietta Seiberling    Summer, 1935 - Bill stayed in        
supplied them with      in Akron.  He and Dr. Bob worked
"Infusion of Spirit-    with alcoholics and attended weekly
uality" mainly through  Oxford Group meetings and received
Paul to Corinthians on  spiritual nourishment.
"Love" and James on 
"Works" if faith is to
have meaning,           Fall & Winter 1935 - Back in 
                        New York on Clinton St.  Hank P. 
                        and Fitz M. got sober.
 
                        Mid 1936 - a small but solid    Bill's efforts with
                        group developing at Clinton     alcoholics receiving
                        St. in New York.                criticism from 
                                                        Oxford Group.
 
                        Charles Towns offers Bill a
                        job at Towns Hospital.  Bill
                        wanted it.  The question
                        presented to the Group and
                        rejected because - what they
                        had, the "thing" that bound
                        them together and those 
                        feelings could not be bought
                        and paid for.  The only 
                        authority was the Group
                        Conscience and all decisions
                        were to be made by the
                        Group.                          1937 - Beginning of
                                                        the split from the
                                                        Oxford Group.
                        Residents at Clinton St.
                                Ebby T.
                                Oscar V.
                                Russell R.
                                Bill C.
                                Florence R.
 
                        Nov. 1937 - Bill and Dr. Bob
                        meet in Akron and compare 
                        notes.  Forty cases sober and
                        staying sober.  More than
                        twenty sober for more than
                        one year.  All had been
                        diagnosed as HOPELESS.
 
                                        +
 
                        A meeting of the Akron
                        Group to consider Bill's ideas
                        for a book, pamphlets and
                        how to expand the movement.
                        Presented but only narrowly
                        passed by a majority of 2.
Feb. 1938 - Rockefeller
gives $5,000 and saves
A.A. from professionalism.
                        May 1938 - The Alcoholic
                        Foundation established as a
                        trusteeship for A.A.
 
                        May 1938 - Beginning of the
                        writing of the book
                        Alcoholics Anonymous.
 
                        Dec. 1938 - Twelve Steps
                        written.
 
                        1939 - Membership reaches
                        100.
 
                        April 1939 - The book
                        Alcoholics Anonymous
                        published.
 
                        Summer 1939 - Withdrawal
                        from association with Oxford
1940 - Bill meets       Group complete.  Oxford
Father Ed Dowling who   Group renamed "Moral
becomes his "spiritual  Re-Armament."
advisor."                                               "Rule No. 62."
 
March 1941 - Jack Alex- Feb. 1940 - First World Service January 1944 - Dr.
ander's Saturday Even-  Office for A.A.                 Harry Tiebout's first
ing Post article                                        paper on the subject
published and member-   June 1944 - The A.A.            of "alcoholics
ship jumped from 2000   Grapevine established.          anonymous"
 
The Washingtonians in   1946 - The Twelve Traditions
the 1840's failed, due  of A.A. formulated and          
principally to failure  published.
to adhere to "Single-   
ness of Purpose," and   June 1, 1949 - Anne Ripley
this failure influenced Smith died.
the development of the
A.A. Traditions.
                        July 1959 - First international
                        convention of A.A. at Cleveland,
                        Ohio.  Twelve Traditions
                        adopted.
 
                        Nov. 16, 1950 - Dr. Robert
                        Holbrook Smith, co-founder
                        of Alcoholics Anonymous died.
 
                        June 1953 - The book Twelve
                        Steps and Twelve Traditions
                        published.
 
                        Oct. 1954 - The "Alcoholic
                        Foundation" becomes the 
                        "General Service Board of
                        A.A."
 
                        July 1955 - 20th Anniversary
                        Convention at St. Louis, MO
                        Second edition of Alcoholics
                        Anonymous published.  The three
                        legacies of Recovery, Unity
                        and Service turned over to the
                        movement by its oldtimers.
 
                        1957 - Creation of first overseas
                        General Service Board of A.A.
                        in Great Britain and Ireland.
                        A.A. Comes of Age published in
                        October.  Membership reaches
                        over 200,000 in 7,000 groups in
                        70 countries and U.S. possessions.
 
                        1959 - A.A. Publishing, Inc. became
                        A.A. World Services, Inc.
 
                        July 1960 - 25th Anniversary Convention
                        at Long Beach, CA
 
                        1962 - Publication of Twelve Concepts
                        for World Service written by Bill W.
 
                        July 1965 - 30th Anniversary Convention
                        at Toronto, Canada.  Keynote adopted,
                        "I Am Responsible."
 
                        1966 - Change in ratio of trustees
                        of the General Service Board; now
                        two-thirds majority of alcoholic
                        members; the A.A. fellowship accepts
                        ütop responsibility for all it's
                        future affairs.
 
                        1967 - Publication of the book The A.A.
                        Way of Life now titled As Bill Sees It.
 
                        Oct. 9-11, 1969 - 1st World Service
                        meeting held in New York with delegates
                        from 14 countries.
 
                        1970 - 35th Anniversary International
                        Convention at Miami Beach, Florida.
                        Keynote: "This we owe to AA's of the
                        future.  To place our common welfare
                        first; To keep our fellowship united.
                        For on A.A. Unity depend our lives, and
                        the lives of those to come."  Bill's
                        last public appearance.
 
                        Jan. 24, 1971 - William Griffith Wilson,
                        co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, dies
                        at Miami Beach, FL.
 
                        Oct. 5-7, 1972 - 2nd World Service meeting
                        held in New York.
 
                        1973 - Publication of Came to Believe.
 
                        April 1973 - Distribution of the book
                        Alcoholics Anonymous reached one
                        million mark.
 
                        1975 - Publication of Living Sober.
 
                        1976 - Publication of 3rd Edition of
                        Alcoholics Anonymous.
 
                        October 5, 1988 - Lois Burnam Wilson died.
 
 
                        ==========================
Sources:   Bill W. by Robert Thompsen
           Not God. A History of Alcoholics Anonymous by Ernest Kurtz
           Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, A.A. World Services, Inc.
           Pass It On - Bill Wilson and the A.A. Message, A.A. World Services
           The Language of the Heart, The A.A. Grapevine
           Dr. Bob and the Good Old-Timers, A.A. World Services, Inc.
           On The Tail of a Comet, The Life of Frank Buchman by Garth Lean
           The Washingtonian Movement, by Milton A. Maxwell, Ph.D.
           A.A. The Way It Began, by Bill Pittman
 

Pornography

For over 40 years I have worked in the computer industry.  My father worked for IBM back in 1975 (I was only 8 years old) and later when I was working on my undergraduate degree, I too went to work for IBM.

Thus, most of my professional career I have worked in the Information Technology field and it’s been extremely hard to avoid the DRUG that is so easy to access.  I used to rationalize for years, putting a “filter or anti-porn block” on my PC or nowadays my smart phone is only a Band-Aid.  It I don’t address the root of my disease, my cunning baffling and more powerful disease will always find a workaround.

However, as of Jan 12th, 2019 all that has changed.  I was sitting in church listening to the eulogy of a friend of mine who died with 58 years of continuous sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous.  The words, “Tom was a man of principle; he never wavered” really spoke to me.  So, I left that service and when I got home I proceeded to install www.CovenantEyes.com on ALL my devices.

It was a miracle I felt so liberated.

 

 

 

Porn and Your Husband

A Recovery Guide for Wives

A wife who has just discovered her husband’s porn use may wonder if she did something wrong, or why she didn’t notice the signs earlier, or whether she will ever be able to trust him again.

This free ebook answers some of the common questions about pornography use and offers practical strategies for healing the marriage

 

Hope After Porn

4 Women Share Their Stories of Heartbreak…and How Their Marriages Were Saved

Discovering her husband uses porn may be one of the most emotionally devastating experiences of a wife’s life. In this ebook, four women share their stories of heartbreak because of their husbands’ betrayal, and how they found reconciliation and restoration in spite of it.

 

e-Books  //  PornStats  //  Family Protection 

 


How do you block Google images without blocking the entire search engine?” Recently, I spoke to another SA Member and he asked this question.

In the bottom right corner, click on “Settings” and then select “Search Settings”.  Enable “Filter explicit results” and Save.

google_images

I did some more research and here is what I found:

  • At this time it is not possible to block image search via Google without blocking Google entirely.  Google Images does not load those images from other domains, in fact it is embedded into the HTML for most browsers using a data URI.  This means the image information is actually part of the HTML markup for the page and not something OpenDNS can block without blocking Google Images entirely.
  • Bing (on the other hand) has chosen to host potentially explicit thumbnails from “explicit.bing.net” and we block that domain under the appropriate categories.
  • As far as I can tell, Google is being very irresponsible regarding the way that it displays images in its searches and the fact that it is essentially impossible to block them.
  • Bing allows you to simply block *.explicit.bing.net, which means that no explicit pictures are returned. Google does not allow for this. Worse still, using HTTPS (which is how most traffic is now handled) you cant even append the safe=on switch. Also, that requires proxy software / hardware which the majority of home users simply don’t use or wouldn’t know how to use.
  • References:  Safe searchNet NannyWebsenseEngines, Robots

There is Hope

Ask yourself, “how much time and money have I wasted looking at pornography and acting out?”

Is it worth $30.00 to eliminate the temptation?  How about $100.00?

We have personally tested and believe K9 is fantastic.  Very easy to use, setup and best of all it’s FREE.  This will get you started until you decide how much money and time you want to spend finding a “full-proof solution”.  However, keep in mind, nothing is Perfect.  Nevertheless, K9 automatically blocks “inappropriate images” and even tracks/logs your web activity.k9

 

Rankings

At this time I have organized a prioritized list of the tools in order of effectiveness and value.

  1. Symantec
  2. McAfee
  3. Net Nanny
  4. K9
  5. Cyber Patrol
  6. Web Watcher

More importantly, give the administrator password to your sponsor or your spouse so you are not tempted!  Get back to reality and focus on the things that matter most – email, work, news feeds, social networking “safely”, etc.

Eight tools to help block internet pornography

Set your search engine to “safe search” mode: For Google users go to http://www.google.com/familysafety/; Bing users go to http://www.bing.com/preferences.aspx; and, if you use another search engine, go to the safety settings and find this feature.  If you child uses services like YouTube, be sure you have set the “safe” mode on those platforms as well.

  1. Use the family safety tools provided by your computer’s/other device’s operating system: Both Windows and Mac operating systems provide family safety settings.
  2. Use family safety tool services: Sometimes called parental controls, these tools allow you to set specific filters to block types of content you find inappropriate. This isn’t just something to apply to youth; plenty of adults prefer to filter out pornographic and other types of content – like hate and violence.  The appropriateness of some types of content will change as children mature; other types of content may always be unacceptable. To find the tools that best fit your family’s needs, search for parental-control or family-safety-tool reviews.
  3. Keep in mind that these tools need to be installed on every device your child uses to go online: game consoles, cell phones, tablets, personal laptops and computers. Some services have coverage for all types of devices, others are limited to just computers or phones. You may find that using a single solution on all devices makes your monitoring much easier.
  4. Periodically look at your children’s browser history. There are a number of phrases youth use to get around pornography filters – like “breast feeding” and “childbirth” – and some fast-changing slang terms that filters may not have caught up with like “walking the dog,” which is a slang term for sex. If you see odd search terms, give the sites a quick look.
  5. Have your children restrict access to their social networking sites to only known friends, and keep their sites private. A great deal of pornography is shared among private albums on social networking sites.
  6. Scan the photos on your child’s cell phone once in a while. While the youngest kids aren’t sexting, by the time they’ve hit their tweens they have begun participating in this type of behavior. Let your children know that every so often you will sit down with them and go through the pictures they have stored on their phone.
  7. Review the applications your child has downloaded to their phone or tablet. Mobile content filters may not catch all the potentially inappropriate apps.
  8. You are your strongest tool. No technical blocking solution alone is enough to protect a determined child or teen from finding pornography online. Have the “talk” on an ongoing basis with your children and spouse about the content your family finds appropriate and inappropriate; this exchange should never be a one-time conversation. Read more

 

More recommended sites:

 

Guard Your Eyes – Maintaining Moral Purity in Today’s World

 

“Pornography addiction has its roots in the viewing and hoarding of magazine and video pornography. However, these days porn addicts have new and frighteningly powerful enablers: the Internet, Smartphones, and social media. Porn addicts today can feed their Internet porn problem by viewing online still photos, downloading porn videos, or by having webcam sex (paid and unpaid). Some use the Internet to simply view images while others eventually end up using the Internet as a vehicle to meet with anonymous sexual partners. The ‘new media’ of smartphones offers some addicts instant phone-based porn downloads along with wherever/whenever live video streaming of sexual activities, while Facebook can leave some cruising images and profiles for hours on end.   What is porn addiction? Similar to someone with a chemical or substance addiction, porn addicts tend to replace important relationships and commitments with their “drug” of choice: pornography. Non-Internet porn addicts can be found in places like strip clubs and adult bookstores, but it is unlikely that they have a strip club addiction or an adult bookstore addiction, but rather that they have consistent and compulsive sexual problems that manifest in different ways”.

For over 15 years, I have been journaling in a spiral notebook.  I use this tool as an opportunity to reflect on my life and get closer to God.  Now, I enjoy alternating my journal entries online for others to enjoy.  Nobody reads my notebooks, not even me.  Rather, it’s like going to a meeting and sharing random thoughts.  Most people can’t remember what I said last month or even care.  However, I know that I must apply the tools of the program every day.  So, I benefit tremendously.  More importantly, I hope others can identify with my feelings and ideas and not feel so isolated, which is what our addiction wants.

The above reading helps me define precisely what my major form of compulsive behavior is.  I didn’t start going to strip clubs until I was about 35 years old, just after I got engaged.  Up until then, I generally thought those places were for losers, because I could always find women to have sex with in public places.  However, for the past 2 years or so, my disease has gone more “underground”.  I am afraid of infidelity (marital disloyalty; unfaithfulness. a breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression. adultery – voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man or woman and a partner other than the legal spouse).  Thus, if I don’t leave the house I’m essentially avoiding the temptation.

SA has introduced a lot of terms that I never understood.  For example, I was guilty of fornication (voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other) from the age of 18 till 35.  I am turning 45 this year, and thank God I never cheated on my wife.  However, I am ashamed that I lust after other women in my mind.  I get a tremendous high looking at images on the Internet which always leads to masturbation.

I was celibate for the first 18 years (abstention from sexual relations. the state of being unmarried), abstinent from sex with my wife for about 6 months in a row, and totally abstinent from all sex for about 2 months since I was legal age.  More importantly, I went 100 days in a row back in 2010 of sexual sobriety according to the SA White Book definition.

As I was looking up some of these terms, I also found it interesting to note that I have never committed buggery (unnatural intercourse with a man. sodomy refers to anal sex or other non-penile/vaginal copulation-like acts, especially between male persons or between a person and an animal).  There are many forms of sexual acting out that the SA literature describes and the bottom line is — “I AM A SEXAHOLIC”.  One of my biggest problems is beating myself up.  I am very ambitious and I can be very hard on myself.  Just for today, I plan to be honest, unselfish, humble, empathetic, loving and pure.  This next reading below (reference unknown) gave me hope that I feel very grateful that I am still married.

“If masturbation becomes obsessive it will lead to a loss of control in the life just like gluttony or any other form of appetite gone astray.  The young person should be taught to confess the sin of appetite which is out of control rather than to tell them that they are sexually perverted or nasty.  The sin is that of not letting the Holy Spirit lead in appetites.

Another way in which masturbation is, without a doubt, sinful is when it is accompanied by the use of pornography, filthy music, or even mental fantasies of women other than the spouse. This is so common that it is assumed to be the only method of masturbating. Of course, many young people do NOT start out in their first masturbating venture with ANY fantasy. They have no history to work with mentally.

The older a man gets, the more he accumulates a mental history which feeds fantasy, and thus, the more tempted he will be to sin by mental lust as he masturbates. This is why Paul convinces Timothy to “flee youthful lusts.” We said that masturbation is NOT called sin in the Bible, but sexual lust for a women IS called sin by Jesus. To add masturbation to this mental “youthful lust” will insure trouble by and by. So, it IS true that masturbation is easily perverted by fetishes of the mind or magazine. I knew a man who fantasized in lust for a woman in the church fellowship while he masturbated, and whenever he came to church and saw the woman, he blushed with shame. So, this IS a danger for sure.

DOES MASTURBATION SERVE ANY GOOD PURPOSE?

When a husband and wife are separated against their will and one is having severe temptations with lust, masturbation can serve as a release for those drives.  This has saved many men from infidelity.  In that sense, and I suppose I shall be thrashed for this, I suggest that masturbation is a very useful solution.  Masturbation is also a release to young unmarried men.  We just don’t like to admit it.  Many a young man has defused a setting for fornication by masturbating ahead of time.  Cold showers are fine, but they don’t last.  Of course, a young man can further help this struggle greatly by making sure he is only found in modest company.”


 

Web Categories To Block: This contains various pre-configured filter levels (High, Default, Moderate and Minimal). It also contains the options for [Monitor], which will not filter any websites but will log all browsing activity and [Custom] which will allow you to select which categories you wish K9 to block/allow.

Time Restrictions: This contains features which will allow you to block web access completely during the evening (NightGuard) or the time frame you desire (Custom).

Web Site Exceptions: This contains both your “Always Block” and “Always Allow” list which can be used to fine-tune your K9 filter policy. These are generally used to block or allow a particular website without blocking/allowing the entire category. This also contains the feature “Blacklist Without Password” which allows non-admin users to add sites to the “Always Block” list without requiring the K9 admin password.  Read more

SA International in Spain

Around March, 2009 after attending several SA International Conventions, I decided to contribute to Sexaholics Anonymous on their Wikipedia page with some facts of my own experience and knowledge.  I began my journey in SA around 1995 after a couple years in AA.  Then in July, 2013 I helped with the registrations for a very successful International Convention in Maryland – “Change on the Chesapeake”.  About this time I had completed all the research necessary to accurately publish the history of conventions since inception in July, 1981.

All SA & S-Anon conventions from inception to 2016 have been held in the United States, except July 1992 and July 1997 which were both held in Canada. In 2017, the first SA International Convention was held outside North America in Israel, Middle East. In January 2019 we held our first International Convention in Madrid, Spain – “Living in the Slogans“.

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Sex & Stimuli

More sex is the secret to a longer, healthier life

Sex is anti-aging, immune-boosting and stress-reducing to name a few of the health benefits. Here are six reasons to spend more time between the sheets.

There is an anti-aging, immune-boosting, stress-reducing, mood-enhancing and hormone- balancing secret out there—and it’s not just for the stars! It’s sex. Did you know that having regular sex will give you a host of physiological and psychological benefits? Here’s why:

1. It’s a natural pain reliever: Sex causes increased production of oxytocin, which is often referred to as the “love hormone”. Before orgasm, oxytocin, released from the brain, surges and is accompanied by the release of endorphins, our natural pain-killing hormones. The area of the brain involved in pain reduction is highly activated during arousal and endorphins are released; endorphins soothe nerve impulses that cause menstrual cramps, migraines or joint pain. Oxytocin also affects the way we feel, helping us form strong emotional bonds as well as reduce pain. According to a study by Beverly Whipple, professor emeritus at Rutgers University and a famed sexologist and author, when women have an orgasm, pain tolerance threshold and pain detection threshold increases significantly, by up to 74.6 percent and 106.7 percent respectively.

2. It’s a stress reliever: The endorphins released during sexual intercourse and orgasms are natural mood-boosters and stress relievers. Regular sex can also boost your self-esteem and increase intimacy between partners. For those in a monogamous relationship, studies have found that semen does contain several mood-altering hormones that can reduce depression and elevated mood.

3. It boosts immunity: Endorphins released during intimacy have been found to stimulate immune system cells that fight disease. Researchers have found higher levels of Immunoglobulin A in individuals who have regular sex. Immunoglobulin A is a type of antibody that helps to protect us from infections. It is normally found in high levels in the mucous membranes of the digestive and respiratory tracts.

4. It’s good for your heart: Intercourse, depending on your level of enthusiasm, can be considered aerobic exercise, burning up to 200 calories per session. Among other benefits, women who engage in regular sexual activity with their partners have higher levels of estrogen, which protects against heart disease. Research has found that men who have sex two times per week have fewer heart attacks than those who do not. The hormones released during sex cause an increase in blood pressure and heart rate, and it can engage almost every muscle in the body.

5. It gives you a glow: The glow of good sex is real. Women who have more sex have higher levels of estrogen, which is essential to enjoying healthier, smoother skin. This increase in estrogen also helps to protect us from heart disease, osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s disease. It also promotes the production of collagen, which keeps the skin supple and gives you a healthy glow.

Still not feeling in the mood? If you notice a decrease in your libido, do not let it go unaddressed. Relationship problems, depression, hormonal imbalance or stress can contribute to a lack of libido. Consider supplements to raise testosterone or reduce stress, such as those suggested in my three-step program for hormonal health and wellness outlined in The Hormone Diet. I also encourage you to see your doctor for proper assessment. (Read more)

Ever wonder why you fall dead asleep or get a rush of self-confidence right after you have an orgasm?

It’s because of endorphins, oxytocin and other substances that are released into your bloodstream upon liftoff.

There are a host of sexual chemicals that affect your mind and body during and after sex. Check ’em out.

1. Prolactin

What it does: Prolactin relieves sexual arousal after orgasm and takes your mind off sex. It rises sharply immediately after orgasm in almost everyone. It’s one of the few moments of the day when we men aren’t preoccupied with sex.

How it makes you feel: Prolactin disengages you from sex after an orgasm, allowing you to think of other things besides the naked woman right in front of you. If after sex your mind is flooded with activities and chores you need to accomplish that day, that is prolactin at work. Just imagine how much more progress we could all make in our lives if they pumped this stuff into the water supply.

2. Oxytocin

What it does: Secreted by the pituitary gland, oxytocin stimulates the prostate, causes muscle contractions and sensitizes nerves. Research has shown that increased oxytocin produces more intense orgasms.

How it makes you feel: Oxytocin is known as the “cuddling hormone” because it causes you to feel a connection and bond with your lover. It’s also found in women’s breast milk, helping to create a bond between baby and mother.

If you enjoy cuddling with your girl after sex, chances are you know the effects of oxytocin well.

3. Endorphins

What they do: Endorphins are a group of neurotransmitters formed within the body that bind to opiate receptor sites in your brain to naturally relieve pain. The bio-chemicals acetylcholine and dopamine are known as endorphins, and have a similar chemical structure to morphine. They are also known to lower stress and boost confidence.

How they make you feel: Endorphins produce feelings of euphoria and pleasure, and they have a calming effect. They fill you with a sense of well-being and relaxation. They may also make you feel dizzy and drowsy, and you might even drift off to sleep. Doctors have suggested that over-stimulation of the opiate receptors, as with heroin use, causes a depressed sex drive.

So next time your woman hassles you over passing out post-sex, you know it’s the endorphins at work. In fact, you can even argue that the faster you fall asleep, the better the sex was.

Of note, endorphins are released by your brain during sex, sporting activities, skydiving, fights, grievous injuries, and almost any other exhilarating activity you partake in.

Get your adrenaline, among other things, pumping… (Read more)

Related articles

It’s a natural pain reliever: Sex causes increased production of oxytocin, which is often referred to as the “love hormone”. Before orgasm, oxytocin, released from the brain, surges and is accompanied by the release of endorphins, our natural pain-killing hormones


Where does the word “television” appear in our SA literature?

“11th Tradition: Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and television.” (SA WB pg. 7)

“Sex Objects. Persons of the same or opposite sex, including our own bodies. Almost anything about them can serve as triggers…

Media. Pictures, printed matter, ads, television and movies, music, and dance. Various places, from bars and dance halls to the streets, marketplaces, and showplaces of the city may also be considered media in the sense of what they communicate to us.

The Inner Landscape. Most of us can see how memories and fantasies can act as triggers. Intangibles we are likely to identify on our own are such things as failure, rejection, or criticism.” (SA WB pg. 33)

“What’s so wrong with sex? It’s God-given! People ask similar questions about the use of television, movies, music, etc. Usually those of us trying to rationalize our addictions are the ones coming up with these responses.” (SA WB pg. 39)

“So only I knew that I was wrong and that the cause of my disturbance was me. I had been binging on food and television ever since it happened for no apparent reason. I couldn’t even pray without the scene coming back. What I discovered was that I could not get rid of that memory, and that if I didn’t make it right, I’d have to keep on covering it, coating it over, or drowning it out with something.” (SA WB pg. 99)

“I had finally had it with my wife. She had to get help to change herself-or else! Married to her for years and now sober, I guess I knew when she was all loused up. I had her diagnosed as a television addict, rebellious, blind to seeing herself, and powerless to change. The description sounded disturbingly familiar, but I was too sure of myself to think it could ever apply to me. I had her nailed and felt pretty strongly about the whole thing. It was an ultimatum: Shape up or ship out.” (SA WB pg. 133)

“Stop feeding the obsession. This meant eliminating from what was under my control all printed and visual materials and other symbols of my tyranny. I had to stop feeding my lust by looking around, in my use of television, movies, and music; and by using and listening to the language of lust. I also had to stop living only and always inside my own head. That’s one of the great fringe benefits of going to a lot of meetings. Most of us sexaholics really live on the inside of our heads; we’re seldom in the real world.” (SA WB pg. 158)

 

Tips to improve the quality of your Relationship

1. Have boundaries set around your immediate or nuclear family. Have individual, couples & family time built into your routine and redefined lines of connection with each spouse’s family of origin. This means you have clear boundaries around how much time you spend with your parents/extended family and your spouses parents/extended family. Your couple’s relationship and family must be the first priority.

2. Touch each other often. Have a good connection around non-sexual physical touching, hand holding, kissing hello & goodbye, laying together, sitting on the couch next to each other. Establish a routine to kiss hello when arriving home and goodbye in the morning when parting for the day.

3. Say I love you to one another. Hearing this is reassuring about the way your partner feels about your relationship. It’s a small gesture that can keep your connection alive. Call each other during the day to say it if you miss your chance in the morning.

4. Have regular physical intimacy dates. Having an ongoing sexual relationship in your marriage is important. Couple in their 20’s average relations 2-4 times a week, couples in their 30’s twice per week, 40’s & 50’s once to twice per week. Pay attention to the frequency so as you aren’t being sexual less than twice per month and slipping into a routine that doesn’t give priority to connecting in a physical way. Maintaining your physical connection gives your marriage staying power and protects it from the stresses of life. Create time either spontaneously or planned, to follow through with regular sex and intimacy. Your sexual relationship should be a tension reducer, not a tension producer.

5. Compliment your partner in front of other people. Not only is it a nice thing to do, it helps your partner feel a deep sense of attachment to you as well as builds their self-esteem. It’s also good modeling for your children to see you being complementary to one another.

6. Every so often, have sex using a different sexual script. By mixing up your usual order of kissing, foreplay and intercourse you can reconnect in an amazing way. By initiating mixing up the script you take ownership of pleasure and eroticism in your marriage. Nothing is hotter than feeling desired and having a partner who takes charge of the sexual relationship.

7. Regularly give each other small gifts or gestures of loving and caring behaviors. Write your spouse a loving note, get them a special treat from the store or when you go on a business trip, write I love you in lipstick on the bathroom mirror one morning. By paying attention to this you can help your marriage maintain a ongoing connection.

8. When you are being sexual, open your eyes. Feeling even more daring? Lock a gaze during your orgasm. Doing this involves courage and letting your partner really see you, the essence of true intimacy, in-to-me-see. Your partner will have never felt so loved, connected and prioritized as a moment like this. Better than any romantic getaway any day, can be done at home anytime.

9. Have regular weekly dates to keep your connection alive and have regular weekly couple’s business meetings to discuss ongoing family “business” including the division of roles and household duties, weekly plans and items that need to be discussed in the relationship By keeping these times separated, date night can be about connecting, talking and being physical and organizational “business” night can be about problem solving and collaberating as a team during the week. Read more

SA Recordings

If you are looking for a way to listen to talks from other SA members 24×7 days a week, we have a solution. You can download FREE *.mp3 files to your iPhone and listen anytime at your convenience. Click here

We also have a dedicated phone line with audio tapes available to listen to by calling the following phone number. Dial: 845-859-1190 | Pin: 1552# | (Speakers include Harvey, Jesse, AA, and more)

Instructions

Voice Prompt Menu Commands

Press 1 for AA
1 – Big Book Studies
1 – Joe & Charlie
2 – Scott & Bob
3 – Back to Basics – Wally & Brenda
4 – Big Book Adventures – Chris & Dave
5 – Dub Guy Approach
6 – Scott R. on 12 Steps

2 – AA Humor Series
1 – We are not a Glum lot – Vol. 1
2 – We are not a Glum lot – Vol. 2
3 – Whino Joe

3 – AA Speakers
1 – Sandy B.
2 – Ralph P. on Humility
3 – Joe H. on Spiritual Awakening
4 – Montana Bob on 12 Traditions
5 – Chris & Myers R.
6 – Clancy I.
7 – Chuck C.

4 – Recording of the Books
1 – Recordings of the Big Book
2 – Recordings of the 12 & 12

5 – Recordings of Conventions
1 – Far Corner Retreats

Press 2 for SA
1 – Harvey
2 – Hanna
3 – Jess L.
4 – Best of SA
5 – What we were like and what happened
6 – Roy K.

7 – Reading of the White Book by Roy K.
(1) Problem
(2) Preface
(3) To the Newcomer
(4) A Personal Story
(6) Sexaholism—The Addiction
(7) Lust—The Force Behind the Addiction
(8) The Spiritual Basis of Addiction
(9) The Solution
(10) Getting Started.

8 – Bed B.
9 – 12 Step Workshop

0 – go back to main menu
# – instructions
3 – fast forward 10 sec
9 – fast forward 1 min.
6 – fast forward 3 min.
1 – rewind 10 sec.
7 – rewind 1 min.
4 – rewind 3 min.
5 – pause / resume
* – louder
# – softer

Press # at the main menu to listen to last recording since you hung up

9 to add speaker
8 for updates & instructions > 1 – updates / 2 – instructions

See Menu > Literature > Additional Resources > Multimedia
XA Speakers, Ed & Chad Collections for more info.

Sober Voices

AA Telephone Meetings
Sober Voices Group

Dial: 712-432-0075
Code: 654-443#

Updated 09/14/14                                                                                                              Established 03/07/04
Everyday – AA Topic Discussion        12pm Noon EST

Sunday’s – BB Study                        10pm EST
Monday’s – Beginners                       10pmEST
Tuesday’s – Vision for You                 10pm EST
Wednesday’s – BB Study                  10pm EST
Thursday’s – 12×12                           10pmEST
Friday’s – Promises                          10pm EST
Saturday’s – Daily Reflections            10pm EST

Friday & Saturday Midnight Meetings 12am Midnight EST
(also AA Topic Discussions)

All meeting topics are suggested and the secretary has the right to change or improvise anything as needed, keeping with the spirit of AA and its traditions.  Our meeting outline contains most of the elements of the “AA Wallet Card” … AA Wallet Card Image

The Sober Voices Group telephone meetings are registered with our New York World Service Office and published
in the Eastern and Western States Directories.  Group #66-62-21.  We send our 7th Tradition contributions individually in care of our group number to G.S.O. in New York by phone, by mail or by internet at aa.org.

The Sober Voices Group’s purpose is to reach out to our fellows with accessibility and special needs, for those who are  home bound, those remote areas and anyon
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Cease and Desist

SAICO and/or Go hands (3rd party company) requested “cease and desist”.  However, it was more related to the SA White Book.  We still do NOT agree with the following facts:

  1. SAICO receives NO MONEY or royalties from the sales of the White Book yet continues to endorse and sell 10,000s of books.
  2. Historically, literature sales in AA and other 12 Step programs have always been a major source of income, yet there are several people running the show who are NOT members of SA and collecting a salary
  3. AA and many other 12 Step programs publish their literature online for FREE
  4. We find it to be preposterous that the SAICO central office took such an AGGRESSIVE position threatening to sue webmaster over this matter
  5. It was NEVER webmaster’s intention to profit on the White Book nor violate any laws.  He could NEVER pay back what SA has given him–priceless gift and he’ll always be eternally grateful
  6. On our home page we clearly state: “This site is not endorsed by SA, nor does it represent SA as a whole”
  7. Read more

Here are some excerpts from the actual letter below…

For the record, here are the chronological facts:

  1. When we introduced the www.saphonemeeting.org website in 2009 it received support from one person – Chad C.  I sent out an email to a long list of members soliciting their advice that I knew and he was the ONLY person who replied.
  2. The www.sa.org and www.denversa.org webmasters have changed hands, but Chad C has offered lots of sound advice and guidance over the years.
  3. In addition, I worked very closely with Kay S. at the SAICO central office to follow certain attribution polices related to copyright laws (e.g. “Adapted with permission from ….”) and non-conference approved literature.
  4. The sole purpose of the website was to provide up-to-date phone number changes, codes and new meeting schedule as well as hosting the various custom scripts and formats for each of the meetings
  5. There are many SA Members and groups that continue to reference the website including 2215 and 2400 groups because they often do not have a secretary to lead the meeting and ask for someone to facilitate.  What better way to encourage consistency than to refer people to a website where any member can quickly download the script and lead the meeting.  That’s how most people got involved on the Noon teleconference.
  6. I prefer to stay out of the controversy with other people’s agendas and will continue to work together with people who are sensible on this matter.

For example, the Baltimore SA Intergroup has worked very hard to introduce new ideas to the fellowship and had one of the most successful International Conventions in the history of SA last year.  Many of the members who I have worked with for counsel and governance on the www.saphonemeeting.org project  are long-standing “SOBER MEMBERS” from the local area, which incidentally was Chad’s suggestion.   Moreover, Sexual recovery is up against the odds–Pornographic websites 4.2 million (12% of total websites).  The sexual advertising culture we live in today has a devastating impact on our society.  It is very, very dangerous when you consider “Child Pornography, Child Sexual Abuse and Human Sex Trafficking”.  Being a family man, which I know you are as well, it is critical that we work together towards the common good.  Not fight against each other.

Take for instance the New York Times Magazine: It ran a cover story on May 18 called “Naked Capitalists: There’s No Business Like Porn Business.” Its thesis: Pornography is big business–with $10 billion to $14 billion in annual sales. The author,  Frank   Rich Frank Rich , suggests that pornography is bigger than any of the major league sports, perhaps bigger than Hollywood. Porn is “no longer a sideshow to the mainstream…it is the mainstream,” he says.   The Country Revenue in China is $27 Billion (number one), South Korea $25B  and Japan $19B.  Sources: Real Truth, Enough, Wiki, Forbes, Family