Additional Resources

Big Book AA 1939 The Little Red Book Hazelden 1946 Ed Webster Twelve and Twelve AA 1952 Twenty Four Hours a Day Hazelden 1954 Richmond Walker Stools and Bottles Hazelden 1955 Ed Webster; Defects & Meditations Basic Text NA 1982 White Book SA 1984 Answers in the Heart Hazelden 1989 Daily Meditations for Men and Women Recovering from Sex Addiction Daily Reflections AA 1990

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Block Internet Pornography (K9) Europe & Middle-East Region (EMER) Women In SA (WISA)

Headquarters and Central Office: Sexaholics Anonymous Inc. (http://saorg.server278.com – Pilot Site)

The Web sites and contact information listed on this site are for information purposes. We have provided this list to facilitate information about local groups and meetings. Listing of these Web sites and contact information does not constitute or indicate review, endorsement or approval. There may be a local group even if a Web site or contact information are not shown. Please contact SAICO.

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Click here to read "SA Newsletter"   Answers in the Heart: Daily Meditations For Men And Women Recovering From Sex Addiction (Hazelden)   Twenty-Four Hours A Day (Hazelden)  

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Office of National Drug Control Policy

The Obama Administration is committed to restoring balance to U.S. drug-control efforts… As part of national efforts to raise public awareness about recovery and maintain dialogue with diverse recovery community stakeholders, ONDCP Director Gil Kerlikowske visited the General Service Office of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) in New York City. Read more

Prior to meeting with the A.A.W.S. Board, Director Kerlikowske toured the A.A. Archives, which feature letters from U.S. presidents recognizing Alcoholics Anonymous for helping countless Americans regain health and happiness through its program of recovery from alcoholism. The archive also features the Lasker Award, presented to A.A. in 1951 by the American Public Health Association “in recognition of its unique and highly-successful approach to … alcoholism;” and a copy of the Hughes Act, the 1970 Congressional Bill that recognized alcoholism as “an illness or disease that requires treatment.” The bill also provided for the establishment of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism and was followed by legislation leading to the creation of the National Institute on Drug Abuse.

Step Eight

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

“We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have “harmed” other people. What kinds of “harm” do people do one another, anyway? To define the word “harm” in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emo­tional, or spiritual damage to people. If our tempers are consistently bad, we arouse anger in others. If we lie or cheat, we deprive others not only of their worldly goods, but of their emotional security and peace of mind. We really issue them an invitation to become contemptuous and vengeful. If our sex conduct is selfish, we may excite jealousy, misery, and a strong desire to retaliate in kind.”  (AA 12&12 pg. 80)

Today, I attended an AA meeting and came to the awareness that I frequently offend people unintentionally.

BTW, I found a couple sites you may enjoy including FREE mp3 downloads of the 12&12 audio, as well as editable versions of the book you can copy and print:

Mute Feature

Meeting Guidelines

Fortunately, Roy K. wrote down many of the Meeting Guidelines in the SA White Book page 188.  For example, “We can benefit from the unwritten guidelines that have contributed so profoundly to the success of other Twelve Step program meetings and have proven as valuable in our own.

  1. “Leaders of meetings are servants of that meeting. They don’t “carry” the meeting; they merely facilitate it. A common mistake of   those who have no prior Twelve Step meeting experience is to feel they must comment on everything that is said or “help out” in some way by giving “the answer.” The effective leader surrenders this impulse   and lets the meeting work itself.
  2. The leader of the meeting does not have to acknowledge a raised hand; he   or she can call on someone else. They can interrupt the one talking, if it is called for. This is in line with our common tradition. At the same time, a good meeting is one where the leader’s presence is inconspicuous and  non-controlling.”

 

Phone Etiquette

Be courteous.   Please mute your phone if there is background noise at your location and when   you are not speaking. It is recommended to use the mute feature on your phone if there is background noise at your location and when you are not speaking.  You can toggle back-n-forth between sharing & silence your line which will allow others to hear the message more clearly.

Our phone system offers an alternative command by pressing *6 to Mute or Un-mute. The phone system will give you an audio acknowledgement. To hear the # of parties in the conference press *#.  For a complete list of commands, visit www.freeconference.com/HotkeyList.aspx.  It is also helpful if you can keep track of your name in the order of callers and introduce the person that follows you when done sharing.  This helps keep the call moving in an orderly fashion and reduced dead air.  For more information, visit Toastmasters to get some additional hints & tips.

 

Features and Benefits

With any system, there are often many features that don’t get used.  Relatively speaking, the Sexaholics Anonymous Phone Meetings are slightly behind some of the other 12 Step Fellowships.  If you compare us to Alanon (www.alanonphonemeetings.org) or GreySheeters Anonymous (www.greysheet.org) for example, they often average more than 80 callers on the line (5 times the amount we normally get).  Both of these teleconferences have strict governance and traditions that prohibit the use of cross talk or background noise that is disruptive to the call.

In August 2012, the Virtual Intergroup (GSRs elected by each phone meeting) decided to distribute the “Call Organizer Access Code” (also known as the moderator code) amongst trusted servants to help carry the message of Sexaholics Anonymous around the globe.  This allowed the facilitator or secretary to eliminate the background noise when callers inadvertently would call in and fail to mute their line by mistake.

Here are the main Sexaholics Anonymous Phone Meeting Features:

  • Organizer Access Code (OAC) – This code is entered by the conference Organizer in order to join a conference. It allows the Organizer to access enhanced conference controls. The OAC can be given to any or all Participants who will be given Organizer privileges.
  • Conversation Mode – This mode provides an open, un-muted conference in which all Participants can speak freely. This mode works best for small groups of conferees. At any time during a conference, conference Organizers can switch between Conversation Mode, Question and Answer (Q&A) Mode and Presentation Mode by toggling the *7 on the telephone keypad.
  • Q&A Mode – This mode allows Participants to un-mute themselves, permitting a ‘question and   answer’ or interactive session to be held during a conference call. This mode is accessible to those who provide the OAC when entering a conference. At any time during a conference, conference Organizers can switch between Q&A Mode, Presentation Mode and Conversation Mode by toggling the *7 on the telephone keypad.
  • Presentation Mode – This mode automatically mutes members of the conference call who entered the Participant Access Code, enabling conference Participants to listen without being able to speak to  others on the conference. This mode works best with large groups of conferences for reducing background noise, and is accessible to those who provide the OAC when entering a conference. At any time during a conference, conference Organizers  can switch between Presentation Mode, Conversation Mode and Q&A Mode by toggling the *7 on the telephone keypad.
  • Locking the Conference – This can be used for increased conference security, by preventing   additional Participants from joining the conference, and is accessible by  those who provide the OAC when entering a conference. At any time during a conference,   conference Organizers can lock or unlock the conference by toggling the *5 on the telephone keypad. Note  that if the conference is locked and a Participant is disconnected (e.g. cell   phone) from the conference, the room must first be unlocked before that Participant can rejoin the conference.

This topic has been highly controversial and weighing the advantages and disadvantages is not easy.

PROS CONS
  1. Better quality teleconference
  2. Everyone on the call is able to hear the message clearly
  3. Eliminate frustration and anxiety of feeling heard
  4. Many people innocently join the call and do not realize they are dropping into a live meeting. Thus, there is a disruption on the phone bridge until they realize how and why to mute
  5. Cross talk originated from the communications industry which basically means that you cannot have two conversations at the same time. Today this is very important in networking when you get into half-duplex channels.  Take the walkie talkie for example. When you speak, you first press the microphone button. The receiver waits for the sender to finish before replying. Unfortunately, when addicts come together, all the physical laws go out the window and it becomes a sparring match.
  6. Eliminate the ugly side of human nature that comes out when people are interrupted and self-will forces are in play. In other words, there is something to be said for politeness
  7. Bottom line, it eliminates variability and inconsistency of background
    noise. Telephony troubleshooting methodology suggests reducing the points of failure. When we say the serenity prayer, “courage to change the things we can” we need to remember the wisdom of this simple feature
  1. Thus far, the majority of people consider using the overall mute feature to be more confusing than it’s worth.  In other words, if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.
  2. Change is more difficult for some especially if they don’t know any better.  Many people are simply not aware of the long history and problems with the phone lines, not to mention having anything else to compare it with.
  3. Using the mute feature forces people to *6 to unmute their line and during the Daily Sobriety Renewal calls, their is a lot more interaction.
  4. Fear of losing control to manipulate the call.  Relinquish power that already exists with some members.
  5. This is a true test of patience and tolerance.  People tend to get very emotional and angry.
  6. Challenge with disseminating the call coordinator code and preventing unsuspecting people getting their hands on this information.
  7. Having a sobriety requirement be a measurement who is responsible enough to be given this special privilege.  As we all know, “length of sobriety is no more an indicator of recovery as old age is an indicator of wisdom” (Recovery Continues).

Misperceptions

misperception_earthVirtually all scholars maintained false perceptions for over 12 centuries that the “Earth is Flat”.  This was a myth.  In fact, 1 in 4 Americans don’t Know Earth Orbits the Sun (ref). People used to think the Sun rotated around the Earth.  This was not the truth.

I learned about this story from my “spiritual advisor” – a minister at a local AA meeting I attend frequently.  He referred me to Max Lucado who has written many books on similar parallels.

When we come into recovery, often we think the World revolves around us.  I certainly did.  But this is wrong.  I needed to find a power greater than myself and the program let’s me choose my God as long as I’m not it.

What is the truth? Actual state of a matter. Conformity with reality.  A verified or indisputable fact.

Copernican heliocentrism is the name given to the astronomical model developed by Nicolaus Copernicus and published in 1543. It positioned the Sun near the center of the Universe, motionless, with Earth and the other planets rotating around it in circular paths modified by epicycles and at uniform speeds.

In astronomy, the geocentric model (also known as geocentrism), is a description of the cosmos where Earth is at the orbital center of all celestial bodies. This model served as the predominant cosmological system in many ancient civilizations including the noteworthy systems of Aristotle.

So the point is, whether you agree with someone or not, the truth is the truth.  If someone tells you something, or you over hear gossip/rumor, that doesn’t necessarily make it fact.

Meeting Guidelines We can benefit from the unwritten guidelines that have contributed so profoundly to the success of other Twelve Step program meetings and have proven as valuable in our own. 1. Leaders of meetings are servants of that meeting.  They don’t “carry” the meeting; they merely facilitate it.  A common mistake of those who have no prior Twelve Step meeting experience is to feel they must comment on everything that is said or “help out” in some way by giving “the answer.” The effective leader surrenders this impulse and lets the meeting work itself. 2. The leader of the meeting does not have to acknowledge a raised hand; he or she can call on someone else.  They can interrupt the one talking, if it is called for.  This is in line with our common tradition.  At the same time, a good meeting is one where the leader’s presence is inconspicuous and non-controlling. (SA WB pg. 188)

3rd Tradition: The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober.

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee—Thy will (not mine) be done.’’ These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. (AA BB pg. 85)

How do you tell people you are in SA?

You can say that you are addicted to Nicotine.  They probably will congratulate you for quitting cigarettes and joining SA – Smokers Anonymous

Or you can say you are a student or a writer and you are working on an Essay.  Either way, let’s face it, sex addicts are not generally thought highly of in today’s world.  All you hear about is the latest rape and sex offense on the news.  Once you get caught by the FBI you are “smeared” for life.

SA & S-Anon International Conventions

Have you been to a Sexaholics Anonymous convention?  Visit the complete history on the Wiki SA site – Sexaholics Anonymous

Sexual addiction (sometimes called sex addiction) is a conceptual model devised in order to provide a scientific explanation for sexual urges, behaviors, or thoughts that appear extreme in frequency or feel out of one’s control—in terms of being a literal addiction to sexual activity.

Hypersexuality is a related continuous theoretical construct. Higher hypersexuality has been associated with addictive or obsessive personalities, escapism, psychological disorders, low self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, lowered sexual inhibitions, and behavioral conditioning.

Medical studies and related opinions vary among professional psychologists, sociologists, clinical sexologists, and other specialists regarding whether “sexual addiction” is a medical, physiological, and psychological addiction, and whether it is representative of a psychological/psychiatric condition at all.  Source

Stay out of this controversy

“Now about sex. Many of us needed an overhauling there. But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. It’s so easy to get way off the track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes— absurd extremes, perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation.

“Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn’t the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We’d hardly be human if we didn’t. What can we do about them?

“We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.

“In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test—was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.

“Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it. (AA BB pg. 69)

It’ VERY easy to find fault with others

Somehow, the flaws are far more easy to see than the bigger picture, than the amount of work and thought and preparation have gone into a particular piece of work.  Think about it–if someone just painted his or her house and missed a spot, what’s the first thing we see?  If someone just cooked us dinner and used a bit too much salt, what’s the first thing we notice when we put the food into our mouths?

Live and Let Live “The old saying “Live and Let live” seems so commonplace, it is easy to overlook its value. Of course, one reason it has been said over and over for years is that it has proved beneficial in so many ways.  We AA’s make some special uses of it to help us not drink. It particularly helps us cope with people who get on our nerves.  Read more

TWELVE TRADITIONS OF SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS

  1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on SA unity.
  2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
  3. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober.
  4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or Sexaholics Anonymous as a whole.
  5. Each group has but one primary purpose— to carry its message to the sexaholic who still suffers.
  6. An SA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the SA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
  7. Every SA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
  8. Sexaholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
  9. SA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
  10. Sexaholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the SA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
  11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV.
  12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

For more information, read the Twelve Concepts

Beta Speaker Jam

As most people know, Sex Addiction does not go away after a meeting.  Hopefully, you have learned how to stay sober between meetings, one hour at a time, one day at a time.

“I’m still a sexaholic; my programming still makes me want to turn my head at anything that looks interesting and take a “drink.” Part of me still thinks it will die if I don’t. But one day at a time, one encounter at a time, one glance at a time, one thought or memory at a time, I don’t have to act on those impulses. I don’t have to drink it in.” (WB pg. 24)

If you are new, it is helpful to have an accountability list of members to call.  However, often you may get an answering machine or they are not available.

If you are interested in joining us for SA audio speaker recordings, please send an email to info@saphonemeeting.org.

Thus, we have a suggestion: try our new “beta speaker jam”.  Throughout the day, we will announce times when the broadcast is being played (typically during off times when there is no regularly scheduled SAPhoneMeeting to attend).

Dial-in: 1-712-432-3011
Conference code: 174-189

Preaching

“The only thing I can bear witness to is the truth of my own experience. Because that’s what I want to hear from others. I want to see and feel the real truth about someone’s inner life and behavior that I can identify with. I don’t want to be told or preached at. Knowing the truth about religion or the program didn’t do it for me. Coming to see and acknowledge the truth about myself is what got me through the door into this new way of life. It’s the truth about myself-the imperfect truth–that attracts others; not all the preaching in the world.” (SA WB pg. 144)

This is one of the greatest things about the 12 Step Program(s)

It’s been my experience that since I’ve been coming to Alcoholics Anonymous since 1992 and Sexaholics Anonymous since 1995 that “addicts” hate being told what to do.  However, this is very tricky state of mind because it takes the same level of surrender to be willing to follow directions in order to recover.  Often we are told to “go to meetings, work the steps, pray, get a sponsor, etc.”.  In fact, there are 103 MUSTS in the AA Big Book.

I personally have given my 5th Step to a priest and thank God for all the wonderful things I’ve learned from clergy members.  In addition they say, “sometimes you have to seek professional help” and reach out to the mental health profession.  I also have witnessed tremendous benefit talking to psychiatrists and psychologists over the past 20 years or more.  However, there is no comparison how POWERFUL the level of honesty and transparent sharing that takes place when one addicts talks to another.

 

 

 

Connecting Sexaholics 365 days per year across the Globe