{"id":1506,"date":"2015-02-23T12:47:26","date_gmt":"2015-02-23T17:47:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/?p=1506"},"modified":"2015-02-23T14:28:02","modified_gmt":"2015-02-23T19:28:02","slug":"different-meeting-formats","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/different-meeting-formats\/","title":{"rendered":"Different meeting formats"},"content":{"rendered":"

In case you are not familiar, the SA White Book describes a variety of different formats of Sexaholics Anonymous on pages 185-189\u00a0 (Read more).<\/a>\u00a0 For example, Step Study meetings are a popular choice because the entire program is anchored in the 12 Steps (Read more<\/a>).<\/p>\n

Moreover, the Noon SA Phone meeting was established on 7\/13\/09 by a guy who believed that in order to stay sober, REQUIRED a lunch SA meeting every day.\u00a0 Since then, there has been enormous growth and maturity developing a “home group” that continues to flourish (Read more<\/a>).\u00a0 We even setup a Blog specifically for the purpose of honoring our Traditions (Read more<\/a>\u00a0– password: noon).\u00a0 In particular, unlike just about every SA teleconference on our schedule we do NOT have a queue of callers.\u00a0 Instead, we are a “volunteer sharing” style which helps accommodate the growing number of callers.<\/p>\n

Meetings – How They Work<\/strong>
\n“As I come into the fellowship, I’m confronted with my disease.\u00a0 First, in my initial contacts with other members; then in meeting after meeting.\u00a0 But there are parts of the disease still hidden in that deep hole inside me, sides of me I never want you to see, and eventually they start festering.\u00a0 So, one by one, I’m forced to get rid of them.\u00a0 The problem is, how do I keep my disease from always running into a dark corner?”
\nThat’s how one member put it in trying to describe something of what happens in meetings.\u00a0 The problem is our blind sides; we all have them.\u00a0 So, the question for us is, How do we work our personal programs and conduct our meetings and fellowship so as to “walk in the light”? Here’s what has been working for us:
\n1.\u00a0 By getting sober and staying sober and holding to the concept of sexual sobriety in our SA meetings.\u00a0 Without sobriety we have nothing to offer anyone.\u00a0 SA offers sexual sobriety, progressive victory over lust, and recovery.\u00a0 When this is our aim, meetings can become a sanctuary of serenity and light.
\n2.\u00a0 By not imposing uniformity.\u00a0 We don’t prescribe doing the Steps by formula or in exactly the same way some other member does them.\u00a0 We do the Steps in our own way and time; we “Live and Let Live.” But working the Steps does work for us.
\n3.\u00a0 By telling the side of our stories we really don’t want to tell.\u00a0 This is different than a mere “sexalog,” relating our sexual experiences.\u00a0 It is rigorous self-searching and self-revealing honesty about every aspect of our lives.\u00a0 We arc fitting the pieces of our lives together differently every time we tell our stories or share.
\n4.\u00a0 By telling exactly where we are today(where we’re failing today, as well as where we’re succeeding.\u00a0 “I’m as sick as my secrets,” the saying goes.\u00a0 So we reveal our secrets; we bring the inside out.\u00a0 Self-honesty, in humility, yet so powerful.\u00a0 We lead with our weaknesses.
\n5.\u00a0 By continually working the principles of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in our lives first, and in our fellowship.
\n6.\u00a0 By helping others through identification.\u00a0 When we want to communicate to another member, we speak in terms of “I,” not “we” or “you.” We don’t tell them what’s wrong with them or give advice; we relate what happened to us.\u00a0 When we thus identify with another, it may not only help that person, but often reveals something about ourselves we’ve missed before.\u00a0 We don’t tell; we share.
\n“I can tell you what’s wrong with you without identifying, but this keeps me from looking at myself and can be destructive to you.\u00a0 But when I bring it up by identifying through my own experience, it means I’m bringing myself out into the light.”
\n7.\u00a0 By taking responsibility for our own recovery.\u00a0 There’s a difference between taking responsibility for our recovery and being in charge of it.\u00a0 When we take responsibility, we’ve stopped saying “Fix me” and are willing to take the actions necessary to get well.\u00a0 We’re
\nwilling to take direction and work the Steps.\u00a0 This same attitude is what leads us to tie in to another sober member as helper or sponsor(one who can help us learn how to work the Steps in our daily lives.\u00a0 When we remain “in charge,” however, we’re shutting ourselves off from the light and help of other recovering members.
\n8.\u00a0 By leading with our weakness.\u00a0 There is an attractive healing atmosphere in meetings when someone is transparent, naive, “innocent,” and self-revealing at depth.\u00a0 He or she may even be a newcomer, which is often the case and why we need them to help keep us honest.\u00a0 Vulnerable, and like a child, we take the supreme risk of exposing the truth about ourselves, dark as it may be.\u00a0 We lead with our weakness because that’s where we’re hurting, and this becomes the point of our identification with each other, the point of true union.\u00a0 Once this single ray of light shines in a meeting, it finds ready reception and response in the others present.\u00a0 Honesty is catching; we’re learning to walk in the light.
\n9.\u00a0 By commitment to the group.\u00a0 SA members commit themselves to SA meetings.\u00a0 We attend every meeting we can.\u00a0 On time.\u00a0 Meetings, on time.\u00a0 Why this emphasis?
\nWhen the meeting is handled in a haphazard manner, there’s a feeling of What’s the use? There’s the feeling of being let down, that the secretary, leader, or other members don’t care and are not really a part of.\u00a0 And if there’s no feeling of mutual caring, then \/ can’t be a part of.\u00a0 How can I become a part of something that’s always shifting around? A feeling of separation and isolation comes into play(deadly for us.
\nMeetings starting on time and a general orderliness are one of the legacies we’ve gotten from the best of other Twelve Step programs.\u00a0 Instead of “doing our own thing,” which characterizes our self-obsession, we commit ourselves to every meeting and to being on time.\u00a0 No matter what(spouses, jobs, money(we put the group first because we put our own sobriety first.
\nCommitment to sobriety is commitment to the fellowship of sobriety.<\/p>\n

Meeting Guidelines<\/strong>
\nWe can benefit from the unwritten guidelines that have contributed so profoundly to the success of other Twelve Step program meetings and have proven as valuable in our own.
\n1.\u00a0 Leaders of meetings are servants of that meeting.\u00a0 They don’t “carry” the meeting; they merely facilitate it.\u00a0 A common mistake of those who have no prior Twelve Step meeting experience is to feel they must comment on everything that is said or “help out” in some way by giving “the answer.” The effective leader surrenders this impulse and lets the meeting work itself.
\n2.\u00a0 The leader of the meeting does not have to acknowledge a raised hand; he or she can call on someone else.\u00a0 They can interrupt the one talking, if it is called for.\u00a0 This is in line with our common tradition.\u00a0 At the same time, a good meeting is one where the leader’s presence is inconspicuous and non-controlling.
\n3.\u00a0 Most groups stick with a certain basic set of readings that are read at every meeting, adding to this to suit the particular meeting.\u00a0 A list of suggested readings from which to draw is included in the Suggested Meeting Format.\u00a0 We use authorized SA and AA literature only, both for use during meetings and for distribution on the literature table.
\n4.\u00a0 Participation guidelines:
\n– There is no cross talk.\u00a0 We don’t interrupt others.\u00a0 However, the leader has the right to remind the person sharing of guidelines, time consumed, etc.
\n– We don’t give advice.\u00a0 We talk in the “I,” not the “we” or the “you,” speaking from our own experience.\u00a0 If we want to respond to what someone has said, we do so only in terms of our own experience.\u00a0 “I can only speak for myself, but whenever I did such and such, this is what happened in my life .\u00a0 .\u00a0 .”
\n– We don’t get carried away analyzing what caused our behavior or attitudes.\u00a0 If we were victimized
\nin early life, we slowly learn to face and work through it in acknowledgment, acceptance, and forgiveness.\u00a0 We talk as those who are now responsible for our attitudes and actions and are willing to take responsibility for our lives and recovery.
\n– In sharing, rather than displaying our knowledge or insights, we lead with our weakness and give of ourselves.
\n– We avoid politics, religious dogma, and other divisive issues.\u00a0 We also avoid explicit sexual descriptions and sexually abusive language.
\n– We avoid dumping, self-pity, and blaming others.
\n– We don’t take the “inventories” of others; that is, we uncover and work on our own defects, not those of others.\u00a0 We refer to our own experiences.
\n– We do speak honestly of where we really are today.\u00a0 We try to develop transparent honesty of complete self-disclosure, letting the other members know where we are currently, regardless of length of sobriety.
\n– We do lead with our weakness and take the risk of total self-disclosure.
\n– By attending on time and sharing regularly, we give of ourselves to others in the group.\u00a0 We get back recovery.
\n(See the material under the heading “I Am a Sexaholic” under Step One, in this book, and read the article “Meeting Quality and Use of Non-SA Literature,” in Discovering the Principles.)<\/p>\n

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In case you are not familiar, the SA White Book describes a variety of different formats of Sexaholics Anonymous on pages 185-189\u00a0 (Read more).\u00a0 For example, Step Study meetings are a popular choice because the entire program is anchored in the 12 Steps (Read more). Moreover, the Noon SA Phone meeting was established on 7\/13\/09 … Continue reading Different meeting formats<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1506"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/16"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1506"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1506\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1518,"href":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1506\/revisions\/1518"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1506"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1506"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/saphonemeeting.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1506"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}