How many times have you heard that? Ever met a bully? Know anyone who is a bully? Ever heard of the “bleeding deacon and the elderly statesman”? You know what they say about opinions and a**holes?
We are very, very concerned about what other people think? In fact, our entire program is based upon the principle of “we are many and varied”. Thus, we encourage feedback – good, bad or indifferent.
Tools designed to encourage participation
Reply to any of our pages and blogs anonymously Read more
Leave an anonymous comment online in our Q&A Section
Saphonemeeting.org was designed by SA members to serve the needs of the members who are unable to attend face to face meetings. Our contention is that the site has evolved to be a much better resource than the flyer that is currently on the SA.org website. We formed our committee to call attention to the potential of the site and to suggest a forward direction.
The following Website Advisory Committee (WAC) members agree with the aforementioned statement, research and findings. Bill R., Rob S., Steve G., Kelvin P., Len & Brooks S.
Background. SAphonemeeting.org launched in 2009 to meet the immediate needs of some of the phone meetings. It published the available meetings times, phone numbers, access codes, scripts and group rosters. Based on the positive feedback and requests from members, the designer spent hundreds of hours to create a framework where the entire community can make electronic donations to sa, share blogs, news, and links to additional resources. As we shall show, this website compares favorably to the SA phone flyer in terms of useful functionality, presentation, and almost any other reasonable measure.
Personalities before principles. In the last few years, the designer of Saphonemeeting.org turned to SA to ask for help and support to keep the website strong. He has consistently sought out members to serve as committee to provide guidance and oversight to the site. The SA office referred the matter to the Virtual Intergroup (VIG) that had formed to represent the growing number of phone meetings. Personality differences arose when discussing the transfer of the site to SA. VIG members questioned the advisability of having a dynamic site when so many members have not found the Internet to be a safe place. Other issues concerned matters about how to handle anonymity, conference approved material, individual opinion, and financial accountability. VIG members even went so far as to question the motivations and financial propriety of the site. All these matters were worthy of discussion, but for whatever reason, strong personal feelings surfaced and the VIG and saphonemeeting.org divided into two acrimonious camps.
Our committee has formed to provide a series of recommendations to overcome a toxic situation that has developed. It is time that SA welcomed the contribution of this website and provided the support that is required. We do not want to abandon this vital web site that has become important to the recovery of many members of the community.
Promotion not attraction. The advantages of Saphonemeeting.org over the flyer, the saphonemeeting.org designer sought support at the group level. Some members heard this as promotion not attracting and their pushback proved disruptive and contentious. Strong feelings became open disputes. Addicts behaved like addicts. And the VIG initiated an effort to classify SAphonemeeting.org as an “outside” organization, asking other Intergroups to delist the site and remove links to it. They even went so far as to advocate that SA return any donations made to it from SAphonemeeting.org.
From inside to outside. Our contention is that the SAphonemeeting.org has never been an “outside” organization. It was formed in good faith to serve the members and has faithfully done so ever since. See Saphonemeeting.org to read more about traffic to the site, survey results of frequent users, and various testimonials from members of the years talking about the pivotal role the site has played in many, many recoveries. All this evidence should be sufficient to dispel the divisive notion that Saphonemeeting.org is an “outside” organization despite the strong feelings of the VIG committee.
Our leaders serve, they do not govern. Further, it’s clear to us that the VIG overstepped its authority in attempting to expel SAphonemeeting.org and to censure its designer.
7th tradition. It is clear to us that we as a fellowship have not yet evolved a reasonable method of collecting 7th tradition donations from the members who depend on digital and phone meetings. This need was addressed with a simple PayPal tool that has collected more than $1300 to cover expense since its inception. Surpluses have been forwarded to SAICO. In the graph below we show an accounting of the funds that have been received, paid the small expenses, and forwarded to SAICO.
We feel that a further step to create an infrastructure where individual meetings, whether phone or chat or forum or skype, can accept 7th tradition micropayments, maintain their own electronic treasuries, and spend their funds as determined by their group conscience. This is the formula that has fueled 12step programs forever. We need to provide the technology to perpetuate.
Such an effort may help pay for expenses to expand and improve the site and to help in SAICO’s work to carry the message. Read more
For example, suppose there are 4000 phone and skype meetings a month, which seems reasonable considering there are dozens of daily meetings. If an average of 8-10 contributed $1 a meeting, 7th tradition funds would approach $40,000 a month, or almost $500,000 over the year.
Where do we go from here?
Amends. It’s clear to us that a cycle of amends is necessary on the part of all players. It is also important to bring a level of sobriety and civility into the matter. We’d suggest a moratorium on VIG’s efforts to censure saphonemeeting.org and to set direction of cooperation, not competition.
Guidance from Other 12 step fellowships. Beyond that, there is a growing need to support members who employ technology in their recovery. This a broader issue than managing the list of phone meetings and instructions on how to use a phone system. Our committee looked to the other 12 step fellowships as a guide. It’s clear that SA is very far behind. Having a strong digital presence is especially important today because of special stigma attached to our addiction. In contrast to AA, SA, GA, Al-anon, etc., there are very few meetings in mid-sized and small towns around the world. Our phone and digital meetings are therefore key to our world-wide mission. Please examine Exhibit 5 which surveys the current features provided by the others.
The Rush of Technology. Whether we like it or not, technology is fast becoming the dominant enabler of human interaction, particularly among our young members. Younger members want to connect with each other with text and social media. Phone, email, even web sites are no longer in vogue. In their place are a wide range of tools which young members use to learn, connect, and become inspired. Unfortunately, there is widespread abuse of this technology which is fueling sexual addiction like never before. The static phone meeting flyer, as well as the entire SA.org site, does not speak to the needs of. most people who are struggling with sex addiction. Worse, soon our fellowship will be facing the challenges of virtual reality-based meetings, life cameras, eye glasses that project digital images, wearable computers, etc. In every case, people are using technology to connect with each other and with a message. The foundation laid today must be adaptable to what is coming without sacrificing our traditions and concepts. Our primary purpose is to carry the message.
Coordination with SAICO’s effort to revitalize worldwide web sites. The recent meeting of the delegates and trustees initiated a committee to look at upgrading SA’s website. We suggest that the committee considers these recommendations works with those of us that would like to see saphonemeeting.org incorporated into the new sites.
The Traditions and Concepts suggest a path to governance. The Traditions and Concepts provide the guidelines that should guide the fellowship to a policies that foster working together for the common good, adaptability, and promote innovation while not compromising our guiding principles. Please look at Exhibit 2 for our thoughts on how the traditions might guide us to meet the technology challenges ahead as well as maneuver out of the difficult personality problems that have arisen between the VIG and SAphonemeeting.org.
EXHIBIT 1. FEATURE COMPARISON OTHER 12 STEP NON FACE TO FACE MEETINGS
EXHIBIT 2. KEY QUESTIONS TO BE ANSWERED FROM THE 12 TRADITIONS
Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon SA unity.
We all trying to survive in a perilous sea depending on each other despite a wide divergence of opinion, backgrounds, and beliefs. Aren’t we chasing a common goal — serving the member who depends on phone meetings? When we have disagreements what is the best way to resolve them?
For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern..
What exactly is the fine line one crosses when one begins to “govern”? Bill W provides some instructions on this in the 12 and 12: “…no board of dirctions ..can cast an erring member into outer darkness, when indeed no AA can give another a direction and enforce obedience….” pp 132
The only requirement for SA membership is a desire to stop drinking.
How can we embrace the service work of members who desire to stop lusting but struggle with sobriety.?
Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or SA as a whole.
Does the Intergroup or Region have authority over individual groups? Having a portal for each individual group would, we think, vastly increase the strength and service structure at the group level.
Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
In this dynamic digital world where many young members have fully embraced streaming, social media, how should the message be communicated and delivered ?.
An SA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the SA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
How can a web site serving the needs of phone members, become an “outside” organization?
Every SA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
What financial support do the phone meetings require? What is the best and most economical way for phone meeting members to participate in the 7th tradition?
Sexaholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
What are the administrative responsibilities required for the technology that is needed to service virtual meetings?
SA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
How should the digital assets committee working on the overall SA technology be working with the current web sites?
Sexaholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the SA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
When members want to communicate digitally through blogs, chat rooms, and social media, under what conditions should the content be restricted or moderated? By whom? and under what guidelines?
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always to maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.
In a digital world what is the best way to announce the existence of a useful website and its new features and capabilities. Secondly, what guidelines should we follow in collecting and distributing personal content information? .
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
When a member violates this tradition in face to face meetings, one can raise a hand or exercise some body language? What is the digital equivalent?
For years, I’ve heard this expression and related to it, however never really examined the underlying factors.
An egomaniac with an inferiority complex is someone who is obsessively preoccupied with their own unrealistic feeling of inadequacy, and it’s safe to assume they behave aggressively and impulsively to over compensate with delusions of personal greatness to mask insecurity.
Indicating attributes that can typically be credited to this specific style of substance abuser or addict.
(1) Exaggeration
Often time’s people who have a tendency to exaggerate details and events do so for reasons closely associated with egomania and inferiority. They may be trying to overemphasize themselves to others to promote their worth and image, while secretly fighting the feeling of ‘less than’.
(2) Ridicule
Those who openly and frequently ridicule others and put down everyone around them in ways ranging from minor insults to extreme aggressive judgment can be showing signs of being an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. By behaving this way they are trying to expose the defects in others to draw the attention off of whatever personal defect they are avoiding at the time, and doing so in a way that they feel will seem attractive to others.
(3) Fishing for Compliments
Egomaniacs love compliments, and people with an inferiority complex usually find it pretty easy to belittle themselves. So when someone with both wants to get their best results, they may talk down about themselves to others to get a little extra attention and admiration. When you say how ugly you are just so people tell you you’re pretty, you are feeding the self-pity, and at the same time inviting praise that you secretly crave.
(4) Hyper Sensitive
People who seem too tense or sensitive to the opinions of others also exhibit signs of egomania and an inferiority complex. If you find yourself taking everything said about you too seriously and obsessing over what someone may have pointed out as a flaw, then you are perpetuating the critical self-image. At the same time, you are being absorbed by the thought of yourself and how you can possibly appear to be better to others.
(5) You Hate Losing
To an egomaniac with an inferiority complex losing means you ARE a loser! It makes you feel that you are less than, and it exposes your weakness or faults to others to judge you. You hate losing because it tarnishes the reputation you want people to see, and it hurts you deeper to know that you are a failure. But losing is not failing, it’s learning.
(6) Problems with Paying Attention
Those who have a hard time really listening to people at all and holding conversations can be showing signs of being an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. Either they are not interested enough in what it is you have to say because it’s not about them, or they are having an internal dialog obsessing about how they should respond, what their response will say about them, or what they look like while listening. Instead of being in the present they are worried or focused on themselves. Instead of listening, they just wait for their turn to talk.
The false conception of being inferior, the obsession of the negative ego, or the combination of both can be symptoms of the types of toxic behavior and character defects that make up the disease of addiction or alcoholism. Learning to understand the personality traits and how to grow out of them is a huge part of the recovery process.
Today at the 12:00 PM Noon SA Phone Meeting, I suggested the following reading from Practical Recovery Tools – “A Contract for Sobriety”. During introductions, I picked 3 readings and asked the group to decide. This is what we read – CLICK HERE and the KINDLE version directly from Amazon.
Evidently, it was a big success and I decided to start another Contract myself, starting immediately.
Incidentally, a few years ago I also came across this reading in the same book – “Lust Based Decisions” CLICK HERE.
Lastly, as some members shared, the DAILY SOBRIETY RENEWAL is very much like a Daily Contract – CLICK HERE.
I recently came across the following article below…
It’s very easy to spend hours on the Internet these days digging up tons of historical references regarding Alcoholics Anonymous. My mission today is start logging chronologically the events in Sexaholics Anonymous history (e.g. Wiki)
Flowchart of Events of Interest to Members
Of The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous
by Miles M.
William Griffith Wilson
born Nov. 26, 1895, in a
small room behind a bar in
East Dorsett, VT., to Gilman
1901 - Professor and Emily Wilson.
William James lectures
at University of
Edinburgh, Scotland.
Lectures published as
The Varieties of
Religious Experience
in 1902. Bill's father, Gilman, deserts
the family.
Bill's mother, Emily, moves to
Boston and becomes an Osteopathic
Physician. Bill and sister
Dorothy live with maternal grand-
parents, Fayette and Ella
Griffith.
Bill's first "success" making a
boomerang - "a fitting irony".
@1907 - About age 12 Bill "leaves
the Church" over a required
1908 - Oxford Group temperance pledge.
begun as A First Century
Christian Fellowship.
Frank Buchman, Founder.
They espoused the Four
Absolutes: Honesty,
Purity, Unselfishness
and Love. They 1909 - Bill begins secondary
practiced the princi- education at Burr & Burton
ples of self-survey Academy.
confession; restitution;
and service to others. 1911 - Ebby Thatcher
and Bill first met.
1912 - Bill's "first love",
Bertha Bamford, dies after
surgery in New York. Bill
began a three year depression.
1914-1918, World War I
1914 - Bill enters Norwich
University - a military college
with strict discipline.
Bill meets Lois Burnham,
daughter of New York
physician Dr. Clark Burnham.
April 6, 1917 - U.S.
enters World War I.
Summer 1917 - a Second Lieutenant
in the coast artillery at Ft.
Rodman, Mass., Bill takes first
remembered drink - Bronx Cocktail
- feels a miracle - relaxed and
free. A profound experience he
recalled vividly more than 50
years later.
January 24, 1918 - Bill marries
Lois Burnham.
Summer 1918 - On way to France,
Bill visits Winchester Cathedral
and is stirred by a "tremendous
sense of presence". Reads
epitaph on headstone of a
Hampshire Grenadier.
Nov. 11, 1918 - January 16, 1919 - 36
Armistice signed, states ratified
World War I ends. constitutional
May 1919 - Bill returns home. amendment for
prohibition.
1920 - Bill enters Brooklyn
Law School.
1921 - An investigator for U.S.
F & G and also works around
Wall Street.
Christmas 1923 - Bill vows to
stay sober one year - Lasted
only 2 months.
1925-26 - Bought motorcycle and
became (First?) "Market Analyst."
Disease progressing.
1926 - On Wall Street full time.
Disease progressing.
Late 1928 - Early 1929 - Bill
crosses "invisible line" in
his drinking.
Oct. 1929 - Stock
Market collapse.
Nov. 1929 - Bill goes to Canada
for a job with Dick Johnson.
1930 - 31 - Back in Brooklyn and
Wall Street. Living with Lois's
family - unemployed. Disease
progressing.
Spring 1932 - Bill's business 1931 - Rowland Hazzard
deal in New Jersey - drank sees Dr. Carl Jung
Apple Jack and drunk three in Zurich, Switzerland.
days. Contract cancelled. Told no medical or
At Towns Hospital, Bill psychological hope for
meets Dr. William an alcoholic of his
Silkworth on second type; told the only
admission. "The Little hope was a spiritual or
Doctor Who Loved 1930-34 - Bill in "An Alcoholic religious experience
Drunks." Hell". 1933-34 - Bill in Towns or conversion. This
Hospital four times. considered "the first
in the chain of events
Dec. 5, 1933- that led to the
Prohibition ended. founding of A.A."
Bill resumes drinking after
each admission. Disease
progressing.
Dr. Silkworth Summer 1934 Rowland Hazzard
pronounces Bill a... "HOPELESS DRUNK" return to America and
becomes involved in
Oxford Group.
1934 - Emmett Fox
publishes The Sermon
On The Mount.
Nov. 1924 - Ebby T. carries Aug. 1924 - Rowland
message to Bill at home. Hazzard and Cebra
Tells his story. "One persuade court to
Alcoholic Talking To Another." court to parole Ebby
Thatcher in their
Bill starts attending Oxford custody. Ebby sobers
Group at Calvary Church, up at Oxford Group at
Bowery Mission. Calvary Episcopal
Mission, Sam Shoemaker.
Bill drinks again - Back to
Towns Hospital.
Dec. 1934 - Bill has "Hot
Flash" spiritual experience
at Towns Hospital. NEVER
DRANK AGAIN.
Dr. Silkworth assured
Bill he was not crazy;
rather a "psychic The next day Ebby
upheaval" or "conversion brought Bill a copy
experience." of William James'
Varieties of Religious
Experience.
Bill reads Varieties of Religious
Experience, an explanation of
need for Pain, Suffering, Calamity
and "Deflation in Depth" and the
"Simultaneous Transmission of
Hope." The two "Halves" are
joined into a "Whole."
Bill returns to Oxford Group and
works with other alcoholics, also at
Sam Shoemaker's Calvary Mission and
at Towns Hospital, emphasizing his
"Hot Flash" spiritual experience.
He noted they "seemed to do better"
talking of their common problems,
but no success in sobering up others.
Bill develops belief
that alcoholics are
resistant to the
"Four Absolutes" of
the Oxford Group.
1935 - Bill, still sober, but no
success yet in helping others. Still
frequents Wall Street. Went to Akron
Ohio for proxy fight. Lost proxy
fight. Bill at Mayflower Hotel.
Very discouraged and afraid he might
drink.
May 11, 1935 - Bill reached reali-
Rev. Walter Tunks zation of: I need another alcoholic.
. "He starts making telephone calls.
*The final founding moment
Referred to Norman of A.A.*
Sheppard
May 12, 1935 @5:00 P.M. - Bill Robert Holbrook
Referred to Henrietta meets Dr. Bob. Bob still Smith. Born August
Seiberling, an Oxford drinking. Bill tells Bob of 8, 1879 in St.
Group adherent. She his experiences with alcohol Johnsbury, VT.
arranged a meeting the the hopes, promises, failures Dartmouth College, Pre-
next afternoon at the told of the obsession, compul- Med at University of
Seiberling Estate with sion, and physical allergy; Michigan. M.D. at
Dr. Bob Smith. told him of Ebby's visit and Rush Medical College,
simple message, "show me your Chicago, IL. Intern
faith and by my works I will at City Hospital,
show you mine." Akron, OH. Procto-
logist. His wife,
Anne was a friend of
Henrietta Seiberling.
They brought Dr. Bob
to Oxford Group meet-
ings for 2-1/2 yrs.
Dr. Bob understood with sudden and he continued to
Bill had presented Dr. clarity - the difference with get drunk regularly.
Bob four aspects of one the Oxford Group. "The spirit-
core idea: ual approach was as useless as
(1) Utter Hopelessness any other if you soaked it up like
(2) Totally Deflated a sponge and kept it to yourself."
(3) Requiring Conversion The purpose of life was not to
(4) Needing Others "get" , it was to "give."
June 10, 1935
Dr. Bob has last drink
_______________________
ALCOHOLICS
ANONYMOUS
FOUNDED
------------------------
June 11, 1935 - Dr. Bob
suggests they both start
working with other alcoholics.
June 28, 1935 - Bill and Dr.
Bob confront Bill Dotson,
first "Man on the Bed."
Bill D. was a prominent
attorney in Akron. The 3rd
A.A. Note: Bill D. had a
spiritual experience without
familiarity with Oxford
Group principals.
Henrietta Seiberling Summer, 1935 - Bill stayed in
supplied them with in Akron. He and Dr. Bob worked
"Infusion of Spirit- with alcoholics and attended weekly
uality" mainly through Oxford Group meetings and received
Paul to Corinthians on spiritual nourishment.
"Love" and James on
"Works" if faith is to
have meaning, Fall & Winter 1935 - Back in
New York on Clinton St. Hank P.
and Fitz M. got sober.
Mid 1936 - a small but solid Bill's efforts with
group developing at Clinton alcoholics receiving
St. in New York. criticism from
Oxford Group.
Charles Towns offers Bill a
job at Towns Hospital. Bill
wanted it. The question
presented to the Group and
rejected because - what they
had, the "thing" that bound
them together and those
feelings could not be bought
and paid for. The only
authority was the Group
Conscience and all decisions
were to be made by the
Group. 1937 - Beginning of
the split from the
Oxford Group.
Residents at Clinton St.
Ebby T.
Oscar V.
Russell R.
Bill C.
Florence R.
Nov. 1937 - Bill and Dr. Bob
meet in Akron and compare
notes. Forty cases sober and
staying sober. More than
twenty sober for more than
one year. All had been
diagnosed as HOPELESS.
+
A meeting of the Akron
Group to consider Bill's ideas
for a book, pamphlets and
how to expand the movement.
Presented but only narrowly
passed by a majority of 2.
Feb. 1938 - Rockefeller
gives $5,000 and saves
A.A. from professionalism.
May 1938 - The Alcoholic
Foundation established as a
trusteeship for A.A.
May 1938 - Beginning of the
writing of the book
Alcoholics Anonymous.
Dec. 1938 - Twelve Steps
written.
1939 - Membership reaches
100.
April 1939 - The book
Alcoholics Anonymous
published.
Summer 1939 - Withdrawal
from association with Oxford
1940 - Bill meets Group complete. Oxford
Father Ed Dowling who Group renamed "Moral
becomes his "spiritual Re-Armament."
advisor." "Rule No. 62."
March 1941 - Jack Alex- Feb. 1940 - First World Service January 1944 - Dr.
ander's Saturday Even- Office for A.A. Harry Tiebout's first
ing Post article paper on the subject
published and member- June 1944 - The A.A. of "alcoholics
ship jumped from 2000 Grapevine established. anonymous"
The Washingtonians in 1946 - The Twelve Traditions
the 1840's failed, due of A.A. formulated and
principally to failure published.
to adhere to "Single-
ness of Purpose," and June 1, 1949 - Anne Ripley
this failure influenced Smith died.
the development of the
A.A. Traditions.
July 1959 - First international
convention of A.A. at Cleveland,
Ohio. Twelve Traditions
adopted.
Nov. 16, 1950 - Dr. Robert
Holbrook Smith, co-founder
of Alcoholics Anonymous died.
June 1953 - The book Twelve
Steps and Twelve Traditions
published.
Oct. 1954 - The "Alcoholic
Foundation" becomes the
"General Service Board of
A.A."
July 1955 - 20th Anniversary
Convention at St. Louis, MO
Second edition of Alcoholics
Anonymous published. The three
legacies of Recovery, Unity
and Service turned over to the
movement by its oldtimers.
1957 - Creation of first overseas
General Service Board of A.A.
in Great Britain and Ireland.
A.A. Comes of Age published in
October. Membership reaches
over 200,000 in 7,000 groups in
70 countries and U.S. possessions.
1959 - A.A. Publishing, Inc. became
A.A. World Services, Inc.
July 1960 - 25th Anniversary Convention
at Long Beach, CA
1962 - Publication of Twelve Concepts
for World Service written by Bill W.
July 1965 - 30th Anniversary Convention
at Toronto, Canada. Keynote adopted,
"I Am Responsible."
1966 - Change in ratio of trustees
of the General Service Board; now
two-thirds majority of alcoholic
members; the A.A. fellowship accepts
ütop responsibility for all it's
future affairs.
1967 - Publication of the book The A.A.
Way of Life now titled As Bill Sees It.
Oct. 9-11, 1969 - 1st World Service
meeting held in New York with delegates
from 14 countries.
1970 - 35th Anniversary International
Convention at Miami Beach, Florida.
Keynote: "This we owe to AA's of the
future. To place our common welfare
first; To keep our fellowship united.
For on A.A. Unity depend our lives, and
the lives of those to come." Bill's
last public appearance.
Jan. 24, 1971 - William Griffith Wilson,
co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, dies
at Miami Beach, FL.
Oct. 5-7, 1972 - 2nd World Service meeting
held in New York.
1973 - Publication of Came to Believe.
April 1973 - Distribution of the book
Alcoholics Anonymous reached one
million mark.
1975 - Publication of Living Sober.
1976 - Publication of 3rd Edition of
Alcoholics Anonymous.
October 5, 1988 - Lois Burnam Wilson died.
==========================
Sources: Bill W. by Robert Thompsen
Not God. A History of Alcoholics Anonymous by Ernest Kurtz
Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, A.A. World Services, Inc.
Pass It On - Bill Wilson and the A.A. Message, A.A. World Services
The Language of the Heart, The A.A. Grapevine
Dr. Bob and the Good Old-Timers, A.A. World Services, Inc.
On The Tail of a Comet, The Life of Frank Buchman by Garth Lean
The Washingtonian Movement, by Milton A. Maxwell, Ph.D.
A.A. The Way It Began, by Bill Pittman
For over 40 years I have worked in the computer industry. My father worked for IBM back in 1975 (I was only 8 years old) and later when I was working on my undergraduate degree, I too went to work for IBM.
Thus, most of my professional career I have worked in the Information Technology field and it’s been extremely hard to avoid the DRUG that is so easy to access. I used to rationalize for years, putting a “filter or anti-porn block” on my PC or nowadays my smart phone is only a Band-Aid. It I don’t address the root of my disease, my cunning baffling and more powerful disease will always find a workaround.
However, as of Jan 12th, 2019 all that has changed. I was sitting in church listening to the eulogy of a friend of mine who died with 58 years of continuous sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous. The words, “Tom was a man of principle; he never wavered” really spoke to me. So, I left that service and when I got home I proceeded to install www.CovenantEyes.com on ALL my devices.
It was a miracle! I felt so liberated.
Porn and Your Husband
A Recovery Guide for Wives
A wife who has just discovered her husband’s porn use may wonder if she did something wrong, or why she didn’t notice the signs earlier, or whether she will ever be able to trust him again.
This free ebook answers some of the common questions about pornography use and offers practical strategies for healing the marriage
Hope After Porn
4 Women Share Their Stories of Heartbreak…and How Their Marriages Were Saved
Discovering her husband uses porn may be one of the most emotionally devastating experiences of a wife’s life. In this ebook, four women share their stories of heartbreak because of their husbands’ betrayal, and how they found reconciliation and restoration in spite of it.
“How do you block Google images without blocking the entire search engine?” Recently, I spoke to another SA Member and he asked this question.
In the bottom right corner, click on “Settings” and then select “Search Settings”. Enable “Filter explicit results” and Save.
I did some more research and here is what I found:
At this time it is not possible to block image search via Google without blocking Google entirely. Google Images does not load those images from other domains, in fact it is embedded into the HTML for most browsers using a data URI. This means the image information is actually part of the HTML markup for the page and not something OpenDNS can block without blocking Google Images entirely.
Bing (on the other hand) has chosen to host potentially explicit thumbnails from “explicit.bing.net” and we block that domain under the appropriate categories.
As far as I can tell, Google is being very irresponsible regarding the way that it displays images in its searches and the fact that it is essentially impossible to block them.
Bing allows you to simply block *.explicit.bing.net, which means that no explicit pictures are returned. Google does not allow for this. Worse still, using HTTPS (which is how most traffic is now handled) you cant even append the safe=on switch. Also, that requires proxy software / hardware which the majority of home users simply don’t use or wouldn’t know how to use.
Ask yourself, “how much time and money have I wasted looking at pornography and acting out?”
Is it worth $30.00 to eliminate the temptation? How about $100.00?
We have personally tested and believe K9 is fantastic. Very easy to use, setup and best of all it’s FREE. This will get you started until you decide how much money and time you want to spend finding a “full-proof solution”. However, keep in mind, nothing is Perfect. Nevertheless, K9 automatically blocks “inappropriate images” and even tracks/logs your web activity.
Rankings
At this time I have organized a prioritized list of the tools in order of effectiveness and value.
More importantly, give the administrator password to your sponsor or your spouse so you are not tempted! Get back to reality and focus on the things that matter most – email, work, news feeds, social networking “safely”, etc.
Eight tools to help block internet pornography
Set your search engine to “safe search” mode: For Google users go to http://www.google.com/familysafety/; Bing users go to http://www.bing.com/preferences.aspx; and, if you use another search engine, go to the safety settings and find this feature. If you child uses services like YouTube, be sure you have set the “safe” mode on those platforms as well.
Use the family safety tools provided by your computer’s/other device’s operating system: Both Windows and Mac operating systems provide family safety settings.
Use family safety tool services: Sometimes called parental controls, these tools allow you to set specific filters to block types of content you find inappropriate. This isn’t just something to apply to youth; plenty of adults prefer to filter out pornographic and other types of content – like hate and violence. The appropriateness of some types of content will change as children mature; other types of content may always be unacceptable. To find the tools that best fit your family’s needs, search for parental-control or family-safety-tool reviews.
Keep in mind that these tools need to be installed on every device your child uses to go online: game consoles, cell phones, tablets, personal laptops and computers. Some services have coverage for all types of devices, others are limited to just computers or phones. You may find that using a single solution on all devices makes your monitoring much easier.
Periodically look at your children’s browser history. There are a number of phrases youth use to get around pornography filters – like “breast feeding” and “childbirth” – and some fast-changing slang terms that filters may not have caught up with like “walking the dog,” which is a slang term for sex. If you see odd search terms, give the sites a quick look.
Have your children restrict access to their social networking sites to only known friends, and keep their sites private. A great deal of pornography is shared among private albums on social networking sites.
Scan the photos on your child’s cell phone once in a while. While the youngest kids aren’t sexting, by the time they’ve hit their tweens they have begun participating in this type of behavior. Let your children know that every so often you will sit down with them and go through the pictures they have stored on their phone.
Review the applications your child has downloaded to their phone or tablet. Mobile content filters may not catch all the potentially inappropriate apps.
You are your strongest tool. No technical blocking solution alone is enough to protect a determined child or teen from finding pornography online. Have the “talk” on an ongoing basis with your children and spouse about the content your family finds appropriate and inappropriate; this exchange should never be a one-time conversation. Read more
“Pornography addiction has its roots in the viewing and hoarding of magazine and video pornography. However, these days porn addicts have new and frighteningly powerful enablers: the Internet, Smartphones, and social media. Porn addicts today can feed their Internet porn problem by viewing online still photos, downloading porn videos, or by having webcam sex (paid and unpaid). Some use the Internet to simply view images while others eventually end up using the Internet as a vehicle to meet with anonymous sexual partners. The ‘new media’ of smartphones offers some addicts instant phone-based porn downloads along with wherever/whenever live video streaming of sexual activities, while Facebook can leave some cruising images and profiles for hours on end. What is porn addiction? Similar to someone with a chemical or substance addiction, porn addicts tend to replace important relationships and commitments with their “drug” of choice: pornography. Non-Internet porn addicts can be found in places like strip clubs and adult bookstores, but it is unlikely that they have a strip club addiction or an adult bookstore addiction, but rather that they have consistent and compulsive sexual problems that manifest in different ways”.
For over 15 years, I have been journaling in a spiral notebook. I use this tool as an opportunity to reflect on my life and get closer to God. Now, I enjoy alternating my journal entries online for others to enjoy. Nobody reads my notebooks, not even me. Rather, it’s like going to a meeting and sharing random thoughts. Most people can’t remember what I said last month or even care. However, I know that I must apply the tools of the program every day. So, I benefit tremendously. More importantly, I hope others can identify with my feelings and ideas and not feel so isolated, which is what our addiction wants.
The above reading helps me define precisely what my major form of compulsive behavior is. I didn’t start going to strip clubs until I was about 35 years old, just after I got engaged. Up until then, I generally thought those places were for losers, because I could always find women to have sex with in public places. However, for the past 2 years or so, my disease has gone more “underground”. I am afraid of infidelity (marital disloyalty; unfaithfulness. a breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression. adultery – voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man or woman and a partner other than the legal spouse). Thus, if I don’t leave the house I’m essentially avoiding the temptation.
SA has introduced a lot of terms that I never understood. For example, I was guilty of fornication (voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other) from the age of 18 till 35. I am turning 45 this year, and thank God I never cheated on my wife. However, I am ashamed that I lust after other women in my mind. I get a tremendous high looking at images on the Internet which always leads to masturbation.
I was celibate for the first 18 years (abstention from sexual relations. the state of being unmarried), abstinent from sex with my wife for about 6 months in a row, and totally abstinent from all sex for about 2 months since I was legal age. More importantly, I went 100 days in a row back in 2010 of sexual sobriety according to the SA White Book definition.
As I was looking up some of these terms, I also found it interesting to note that I have never committed buggery (unnatural intercourse with a man. sodomy refers to anal sex or other non-penile/vaginal copulation-like acts, especially between male persons or between a person and an animal). There are many forms of sexual acting out that the SA literature describes and the bottom line is — “I AM A SEXAHOLIC”. One of my biggest problems is beating myself up. I am very ambitious and I can be very hard on myself. Just for today, I plan to be honest, unselfish, humble, empathetic, loving and pure. This next reading below (reference unknown) gave me hope that I feel very grateful that I am still married.
“If masturbation becomes obsessive it will lead to a loss of control in the life just like gluttony or any other form of appetite gone astray. The young person should be taught to confess the sin of appetite which is out of control rather than to tell them that they are sexually perverted or nasty. The sin is that of not letting the Holy Spirit lead in appetites.
Another way in which masturbation is, without a doubt, sinful is when it is accompanied by the use of pornography, filthy music, or even mental fantasies of women other than the spouse. This is so common that it is assumed to be the only method of masturbating. Of course, many young people do NOT start out in their first masturbating venture with ANY fantasy. They have no history to work with mentally.
The older a man gets, the more he accumulates a mental history which feeds fantasy, and thus, the more tempted he will be to sin by mental lust as he masturbates. This is why Paul convinces Timothy to “flee youthful lusts.” We said that masturbation is NOT called sin in the Bible, but sexual lust for a women IS called sin by Jesus. To add masturbation to this mental “youthful lust” will insure trouble by and by. So, it IS true that masturbation is easily perverted by fetishes of the mind or magazine. I knew a man who fantasized in lust for a woman in the church fellowship while he masturbated, and whenever he came to church and saw the woman, he blushed with shame. So, this IS a danger for sure.
DOES MASTURBATION SERVE ANY GOOD PURPOSE?
When a husband and wife are separated against their will and one is having severe temptations with lust, masturbation can serve as a release for those drives. This has saved many men from infidelity. In that sense, and I suppose I shall be thrashed for this, I suggest that masturbation is a very useful solution. Masturbation is also a release to young unmarried men. We just don’t like to admit it. Many a young man has defused a setting for fornication by masturbating ahead of time. Cold showers are fine, but they don’t last. Of course, a young man can further help this struggle greatly by making sure he is only found in modest company.”
Web Categories To Block: This contains various pre-configured filter levels (High, Default, Moderate and Minimal). It also contains the options for [Monitor], which will not filter any websites but will log all browsing activity and [Custom] which will allow you to select which categories you wish K9 to block/allow.
Time Restrictions: This contains features which will allow you to block web access completely during the evening (NightGuard) or the time frame you desire (Custom).
Web Site Exceptions: This contains both your “Always Block” and “Always Allow” list which can be used to fine-tune your K9 filter policy. These are generally used to block or allow a particular website without blocking/allowing the entire category. This also contains the feature “Blacklist Without Password” which allows non-admin users to add sites to the “Always Block” list without requiring the K9 admin password. Read more
Around March, 2009 after attending several SA International Conventions, I decided to contribute to Sexaholics Anonymous on their Wikipedia page with some facts of my own experience and knowledge. I began my journey in SA around 1995 after a couple years in AA. Then in July, 2013 I helped with the registrations for a very successful International Convention in Maryland – “Change on the Chesapeake”. About this time I had completed all the research necessary to accurately publish the history of conventions since inception in July, 1981.
All SA & S-Anon conventions from inception to 2016 have been held in the United States, except July 1992 and July 1997 which were both held in Canada. In 2017, the first SA International Convention was held outside North America in Israel, Middle East. In January 2019 we held our first International Convention in Madrid, Spain – “Living in the Slogans“.
